"You're gonna lose your soul tonight"

f23 she/her my mbti is infp-t. read pinned please. block me if needed please

[tillbonesshow]

Hi there

pronouns: dancing/trashcan

Backup/side blog: @tillbonesshowsideways

This account is my mental diary/vent account, so it will contain some disturbing stuff, so please block if you don't want to see it; reporting helps no one

Some things to expect here:

Numbers such as weight and c@ls. Mentions/descriptions of sh and general talk about it. Talk about my ed and fasting. Talk about my childhood and family, so abuse/neglect. Music in general cause i love it.

Open to making friends and chatting! But do keep in mind that i would most likely take a while to respond, and I'm also really awkward and don't have any real social skills. Spam liking is appreciated♡

[tillbonesshow]

Sheesh haven't been on this account for a while

I'm a little bit more active on the other account by the way but I'm still struggling with talking to people in general so don't expect much please

[tillbonesshow]

I'm kind of glad but also sad(?) that i can seemingly push my ed to the side whenever i want to

Like. Am i disordered or am i not come on brain give me an answer

[tillbonesshow]

Just stood up then almost got static-like vision, i was only able to see dark gray that had tiny little squares and blobs of color that kept moving, and had to immediately sit back down because it felt like my body couldn't support itself standing up at all

I literally just had a decent meal. The hell is wrong with this body

[tillbonesshow]

My limps are so cold, but my torso is starting to feel too warm/hot. I hate this so much why does my body has to have different temperatures at different parts >:(

[thottybrucewayne]

You have to recognize your capacity for harm. You cannot omit the harm you've done to others to remain "good." Anybody can be a bigot. Anyone can be an abuser. Anyone can harm anyone at any time even those who have been harmed themselves. The world is not made up of victims and villains only, this is life, not a Saturday morning cartoon and you are a human being who can or maybe even has hurt others and you HAVE to acknowledge that to learn to be better.

[was-sigma-coded-deactivated2024]

HELLOOOOO it's amias. my alt (despisedhampir) got termed and i wasn't given a reason why!!

pls help me find my moots again TvT my main (@damnedhampir) is apparently still alive, but i'm planning on deleting and remaking it

[tillbonesshow]

How the hell did i just find out that wilbur soot dropped a new album almost a week ago called mammlian sighing reflex???

Okay, that's it. i found what I'm going to obsessing over for the next few days

[tillbonesshow]

Oh this aged like milk lol

[tillbonesshow]

Was thinking "I'll have a session right now since i want one and i haven't even sh-ed in a while" when i remembered nope i actually just sh-ed yesterday

Having a terrible memory sucks

[tillbonesshow]

Feeling shame today for some reason

I'll probably just go rot in bed while listening to music until it goes away

[unknowinglydeceasedlol]

I genuinely mourn the person I could have been.

[tillbonesshow]

I would've said it feels weird officially having no in real life friends, but it's basically my life for the last however long I've felt completely alone because i don't have friends

Can't be too weirded out by my own life

[tillbonesshow]

I'm starting to go through a lot of bottles of shampoo and toothpaste in these last few years (compared to before them), and it's kind of nice but shitty at the same time. Like, i guess it's nice that I'm keeping up with hygiene to an extent and doing "self care" to this flesh vessel, which is apparently an important thing according to almost everyone, but it also means I'm spending more money now to buy those things :(

[tillbonesshow]

Time to be self destructive again :)

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[solitaryschizoid]

i fucking hate the phrase "narc survivor" bitch us narcissists are trying so fucking hard to survive our OWN disorder, get our name out of your fucking mouths, you didn't "survive a narcissist" you survived ABUSE from an ABUSER!

[tillbonesshowsideways]

Hello, fellow humans

[tillbonesshow]

I finally decided to use a backup account i made a while ago

You can follow it if you want, but make sure to read pinned guys! :)