vent blog - yes, you can reblog anything and everything I post unless I specifically state otherwise :)
TLDR: 20, They/He Queer, Severally Mentally Ill
DNI: pro/ed pages (pro recovery is fine), racists, terfs, homophobes/ transphobes/ etc, anti-feminist, ableist, body shamers, fetishizers (anyone who glorifies any toxic behaviors, fetishizes mentally ill ppl in any way, people with savior complexes who think every mentally ill person needs “saving”; etc), anyone under 13 (these spaces aren’t spaces you should be in lol. i understand wanting people who can relate to you but it can be equally as damaging if you’re not careful. coming from a former 13 yo who was in spaces they shouldn’t be, take care of yourself)
Me
♡ 20
♡ Queer/ Gender-fluid
♡ They/He
♡ Demi-Sexual/Romantic
• heavy preference in women/ fem presenting people
Disorders
♡ BPD
♡ Anxiety
♡ Bipolar
♡ OCD
♡ EDs
• won’t elaborate/ talk about it
• anti “pro-ana/ ed”, “meanspo/thinspo”, etc pages
• pro-recovery pages are fine <3
♡ Autistic
♡ Psychosis
♡ ADHD
♡ Safe Space for anyone struggling. <3
Hey! I’ve decided to start a new tumblr :] I had one years ago and it kinda got big but people were taking things in ways that made me uncomfortable so I abandoned it. I’ll probably be using this to vent/ ramble/ get my thoughts out there so big TW for any topics mentioned above and more. Browse this page with your own discretion.
As you may be able to tell from the list above, I am pretty mentally fucked. It’s not the complete list of my disorders but probably the ones I’m most comfortable disclosing. I hope to provide a safe space where people can relate and find comfortable in. I know sometimes all you really need is to know people are out there with the same experience and being able to interact with them helps so I hope to be that person for some of you if possible <3 feel free to send me ask with questions or if you need some advice and I’ll try my best to give some advice when possible.
Comment “🖤” (if you’re an adult) or “🤍” (if you’re a minor) under any of my posts if you wanna be mutuals! (Please be honest about your age lol. I’m not asking for you to be specific but I’d rather know off the bat if my mutuals are minors or adults because there’s strict boundaries I have for different age groups.)
I’ll probably edit this in the future but just wanted to get something together quickly to pin <3
being overwhelmed for no reason but also for a million reasons at the same time is so hard to describe to other people 🫠
it can literally be a random thursday afternoon and maybe youre shutting down for no real reason at all or maybe its just from the trauma you had at 7 years old and its coming back up with all those unprocessed emotions
youre left crying, overstimulated, upset, overwhelmed etc and youre just lost in feeling everything at once but also feeling nothing at all at the same time
bpd develops for a reason. don’t ever let anyone make you forget that.
you were hurt and had no one when you needed it most. you’ve been through so much pain and trauma. regardless of what the world sees you as, this was the way your brain decided to cope. this was the only way your brain knew how to survive and keep you alive to this point. you’re amazing and i’m proud of you
having BPD is like simultaneously being a black cat and a lost puppy
you can be the sweetest little kitty and do no wrong but there’s nothing you can do to change some people’s mind about you. they’d stereotype you and believe all the misconceptions without giving you a chance.
you’re also constantly looking for your person. your place to call home. longing for that warmth and comfort of love but you feel so helpless in a storm that doesn’t seem to stop pouring. following mindlessly any person that gives you the slightest attention and being obsessed with them until you look up and realize you’ve lost them and are alone again in the unforgiving storm.
Having to explain to your fp that theyre your fp is the most embarassing shameful thing ever. It feels like revealing a secret that will make them leave. Because then they know you care about them. And if you want them so bad, they start to not want you anymore. But if you dont talk to them, they will never reach out to you. But if you talk to them too much, you will annoy them and they will leave. The paradox of BPD is so hard to describe and even HARDER for anyone who isnt BPD to understand. And all we want is true understanding and empathy. Its the most paradoxical illness on earth and you never know whether to hate people cuz they hurt you so bad or love them so intensely. But dont love them too much because then you will experience rejection. And dont avoid them because then they will just find a new person to be friends with. Living in the mind of someone with BPD is not only scientifically proven to be one of the most ACHING AND PAINFUL mental illness there is, the statistics for suicide attempts among people with BPD is 70%. 70% of us have already tried to end our lives because of the emotional torment. And 10% of us diagnosed (even more undiagnosed) have succeeded with suicide attempts. You cant be normal no matter how hard you try. You will never have normal friendships. You will practically fall in love with anyone and anything. You will fall in love with half your friends. You will be rejected by half those friends both platonically and romantically. You will never have a normal healthy relationship or marriage because of your jealousy, insecurity, and abandonment issues. We just want understanding and we can only get that from other people with BPD who we cant be close with because they also have BPD. Its so isolating. Its miserable. Lonely.
remembering the fact all my past classmates would always vote that id be the highest achiever. remembering how i was always in the top few or the top of my class. remembering how passionate i was in life. remembering how i once had joy and got excited about stuff. i mourn over that person. that person is gone. they killed them.
thinking you’re completely over your ex fp that you split from months ago and then randomly getting hit with the immense feeling of missing them so then all those feelings you thought were gone come rushing back so now you’re hurt all over again and having to process everything over.
having bpd is so wild because you can simultaneously feel like the best but also be so incredibly fragile that one little thing you perceive as even the slightest bit negative, you just come crashing down faster than a window shattering after getting hit with a rock
