Hey. I am a 29 yr old female who for a slew of reasons happens to be completely inexperienced in matters of love/sex. I only just started dating a month ago and while it's going well, I feel overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy. Like even if something does pan out what could I possibly have to contribute to the relationship? Am I just chasing a pipe dream? Is it too late for me to start looking for love/ sex? Or do I just need to calm the fuck down?
There are approximately 290,000 active commercial airline pilots in the world. Every day, they wake up to whiney kids, sick dogs, aging parents, annoying coworkers, and shitty commutes. Of course they also wake up to great runs, pretty sunrises, home-cooked meals, exotic locations, and trips home. Because theyāre people. Normal people, in the grind of life, going to work and going home. And at work, they get to their gate, tick all the boxes, say their polite hellos to their passengers, and move a giant metal fuselage full of strangers 30,000 feet into the air going 500 mph across unexplored oceans of unsurvivable depth.
If someone made you pilot a commercial flight tomorrow, you would have reason to feel overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy because you would literally be inadequate. You would have nothing to contribute to flying because you would have no idea how to fly a plane.
But you do have something to contribute to a relationship, because you do, in fact, know how to be in them. You, despite your not knowing it, have plenty of training. Right now, youāre in a small but very real relationship with me. Youāve come to me with curiosity, vulnerability, and even a dash of humor. I see that vulnerability and am coming back to you with what I hope is kindness and realism. But I donāt know for sure. I canāt know how youāll receive this message, how youāll relate to what Iām saying, or what youāll think of me after. And that, really, is being in a relationship. Putting yourself out there, trying to be your best self, trying to help people, trying to know someone, and knowing that, sometimes despite all of this, sometimes the relationship youāre trying to forge will fail. That is true when weāre 6 on the playground on the monkey bars, itās true when weāre 16 negotiating curfews and grades, itās true when weāre 29 interviewing and flirting, itās true when weāre 43 reassessing our marriages, itās true forever.
I get that everyone else feels like an airline pilot, navigating skies out of your reach with flexibility and wisdom. But you donāt have to fly a plane to date. You answer a message. You make a joke. You send a text. You get ignored. You turn someone down. You ask someone out. And at whatever speed youāre comfortable with, you remove whatever literal and figurative layers youāre comfortable with.
You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. Everyone feels overwhelmed when approaching something they literally have no idea how to do. Thatās OK. But thatās why we learn. Thatās why we take our time but also take chances. Thatās why flight school exists. Thatās why dating blogs and books and movies and websites and everything else exists. So you can learn to date. Because the truth is, even people whoāve been holding hands on the playground since they were 9 can feel overwhelmed by the world of love. Weāve only written an infinite amount of story around the subject. You could say almost every single human is undone, overcome, and indeed overwhelmed by love and all its facets. And thatās OK. But inadequate? A pipe dream? Too late?
No. Too late is when youāre dead. Show yourself a little forgiveness. Because what youāve shown me isnāt inadequacy, itās hope. And really, thatās all you need.
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
kianamaiart
stormborns
