Not to be sappy on main... but I'm going to be incredibly sappy on main. Six years ago I was Not Doing Well™ and I found an escape in books and films, and I fell in love with a story about two boys somewhere in Italy in the mid-eighties. I recently reread the book and realised it doesn't quite resonate with me anymore, but that's OK, because it gave me one of the most precious and treasured things in my life: my friendship with @timobeechalamet.
Matilde, who always makes me laugh and, bless her, has to listen to basically every waking thought that goes through my head. Matilde, who never judges me when I admit I'm struggling with something, and who is always willing to lend an ear if I need to vent. Matilde, who has introduced me to so many great artists, so many good books and films, which has in turn enriched my life infinitely. Matilde, who despite adversity is doing amazing things and will go on to do even more amazing things, and I will be so happy to see it. Matilde, who despite living on opposite ends of the continent, never lets the distance come between us (perks of being introverts I guess). Matilde, who I literally could not picture my life without.
If my calculations are correct, we met IRL for the first time exactly 6 years ago to this date, when we went to wave Elio and Oliver goodbye at the Prince Charles Cinema in London. I've been pondering lately how on earth it's only been six years, when it feels like you've been in my life forever, so to honour the occasion I came out of poetry writing retirement to write you a little poem. I don't say it enough, but I love you. 🖤
For Matilde
What does it mean -
Before I knew you?
I have always known you
My essence always reaching for yours
Through the ether
I observed our elliptical orbits
Slowly, then surely, congrue
In times of twilight I could sense
Your silhouette whispering with the promise
Of a hand to hold
Time folds in on itself
I watch your sun-dappled childhood
Through a lens of knowing
That only comes with age
Your memories were gifted to me retroactively
I cherish them like I do my own
And you know my mother
Though you never got to meet her
Flicking through the photo album
Of pictures from my childhood
I see the sepia-hued ghost
Of future-you, readying to take form
I hope I haunt your pictures, too
For now, we can rest in the comfort
Of finding someone
Whose trajectory matches your own
When the universe does not always comprehend
Your singular, brilliant, spark
I want to see you into old age
With memories shared - not just borrowed
My whispered secrets and shouted truths
All of them, I want to give to you
So don’t you say “Before I knew you”
I was always waiting for you
You were always already here
Thank you, for holding my hand
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