J U R A S S I C T O U R G U I D E S

"And right in front of you; your tour guide. No, look a bit lower, please. Not that low, sir, that's my cleavage. Thank you very much." "Could you carry me on your shoulders? I lost a group of tourist. Technically, they lost me."

[kate-mara]

Kate Mara photographed by John Russo for Modern Luxury Dallas

[tinytourguides-blog]

& THE BOSS

       ❝ All right, well, no it’s not about that. In fact                                                           visitor satisfaction is up by 7% for your tours.                                                       I was calling you in to congratulate you on                                                           lasting another month without insulting anyone–                                                 to my knowledge. ❞ 

 ❝ Are my EYES starting to fail me too or did you just say       that visitors are satisfied with my tours? Oh, and if you       haven’t heard about me insulting anyone, we’ll say it’s       because I didn’t. Better this way. ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

& AQUAMAN

  “That’s cool. At least it’ll remember you.    Got to call back home to see how everyone     is.”

 ❝ Oh? You mere people have the phone? I had       no idea! More seriously, do you need HELP       with anything? ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

& ASSHAT

     ❝ It’s not my first name, but it is my middle name. Axel      Asshat Reyes. Pleasure.❞ He offered his hand, not that       many actually shook it.

 ❝ Perfect! I love to call people by their middle name! She       took his hand and squeezed. I’ve seen you around, but I       really can’t remember where you work. ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

& MARTY

  “It’s fine. I don’t spend much time out    of the water. Please, call me Marty.”

 ❝ Marty. Like the guy from Back to the Future. I’ll       remember THAT! So, what brings the MERMAN       out of the water? ❞

[cherrypepsibrain]

“Spare me the pleasantries” she said, trying her hardest not to claw her. “I was put under your custody for some reason until they refill my tank, because they seem to think I’m not fit to wander around by myself. Oh she’s a hybrid she must be watched all times or she’ll go eat a kid or something” she ranted.

[tinytourguides-blog]

 ❝ I’m only a tour guide. They wouldn’t have left me with       you if they thought you would ACTUALLY eat a child. ❞       Octavia’s warm smile didn’t falter one second. ❝ You       don’t like HUMANS much, do you? ❞

[lethaldctective-blog]

  “No…I work here. Wow, you need to look at   whose entertaining the guests more often.   Marty Deeks, Augustasaurus keeper.”

[tinytourguides-blog]

  ❝ Oh god! I’m SO sorry! It’s just that I don’t spend       much time with the keepers! I’m Octavia D’Cruz,       it’s a PLEASURE to meet you, Mr. Deeks! ❞

[tvandfilm]

If 10 years ago I was told I’d be where I am now, I would’ve been pretty happy. - Kate Mara

[lethaldctective-blog]

  “You never know. Visitors wander off all the time.   There were some French speaking visitors here   a while ago. They might be over at the Triceratops   territory.”

[tinytourguides-blog]

 ❝ Let’s just hope no dinosaur is getting OUT of containment,       shall we? ❞ Octavia smiled. ❝ Triceratops? Thank you       so much for your help, sir! ❞

[fxcedtheraven-deactivated201604]

     ❝ I’d actually called you here to discuss 

        another matter. But perhaps you’d like 

        to continue this story. The park operates

        strict policies regarding the harassment 

        of employees. ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

 ❝ No need to elaborate on THIS story, really. The guy got       the message. But what is it you wanted to discuss with       me, then? Did I accidentally insult someone AGAIN       because I didn’t HEAR myself thinking out loud? ❞

[rcxking]

    ❝ Watch out ladies  and gentlemen; the dinosaurs  aren’t the      only ones with  a bite.❞ He gave her a shit-eating grin, waiting      for the crowd to start  scattering before  he took  a  few  steps       forward, ❝ I’ve never spoken to you before — I pride myself as      being somebody that talks to everybody. What’s your name? ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

  ❝ Yeah, watch out. Because unlike the DINOSAURS, I’m       not in a CAGE. ❞ She watched as the guy walked up       to her and took a step - she didn’t like having to look       up at people too much.  ❝ Mädchen Hodges. I guess       your name ISN'T really Asshat? ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

tertiius liked for a thing

      She doesn’t usually hang around the raptors’ paddock.       But with the planning of a new tour, she NEEDS to know       a bit more about them. She finds herself carefully       watching the smaller one - Octavia knows that they all       have a NAME, but she doesn’t know them. Feeling like       you are the PREY when you’re not the one in the cage,       it’s weird.

[tinytourguides-blog]

liasoningdeeks liked for a thing

  ❝ Excuse me, sir? Are you with MY group?       I don’t think I’ve seen you BEFORE. ❞

[tinytourguides-blog]

queenoflochness liked for a thing

 ❝ You’re one of the NEW girls, right? I’m Octavia.       You’ll see me around with visitors on a DAILY       basis! ❞ She said, smiling warmly at the other       woman.

[ginarodriguezdaily]

(x)

[rpfunstuff]

this is about to get interesting

“Are you sure these are raisins? They don’t taste like raisins.”

“Did you get that guinea pig to reenact that South Park episode?”

“Don’t get mad, but I may have just ruined everything in your closet. Don’t ask how and don’t open the door. Don’t open your closet door for a really long time, please take this advice.”

“How do you even cut your teeth on wedding rings?”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to use disinfectant wipes on your food.”

“I don’t want to alarm you or anything but I thought you should know that there’s a raccoon in your shower.”

“I thought you said you taste like Pepsi Cola.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea I was going to sneeze. I won’t sneeze on you next time we meet, I swear.”

“Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket? Or are you just pleased to- Oh! Oh my God, that’s actually a gun.”

“Just because you paint your entire body blue, does not mean you’re a member of that Blue Man Group. Where did you get that PVC pipe?”

“Let me get this straight, the little kid punched you in the face after you stole their milkshake or did they punch you in the face and then steal your milkshake? Either way, no the tooth fairy is not going to bring you cash for a chipped off piece of tooth.”

“Look, I know that we just met but trust me, I’m trustworthy and I need your Netflix log in.”

“No, I do not ‘got any weed.‘”

“Please stop asking me if I want to build a snowman. It doesn’t even snow here.”

“Tell me you didn’t put five times the amount of detergent you’re supposed to in the washing machine again.”

“That whole pineapple thing didn’t work. Maybe you didn’t eat enough.”

“What do you mean I shouldn’t give hitchhikers rides? I’ve given like eight of them rides just this week! I seriously doubt I’m going to pick up a serial killer, I’m pretty sure I would know.”

“Why is your pocket moving?”

“You can’t just say checkmate every time you make a move.”

“You didn’t have to get me a gift- Oh. Another “#1 Asshole” mug.”

“You know what? It’s really rude to stare. I would really appreciate it if you’d just tell me if there’s something on my face or something.”

“You look really familiar. Do I look familiar? Have we met before?”

“You never want to hang out anymore. I told you I wasn’t going to have your entire house post-it noted ever again. You have to trust me. Besides, the guy charged a lot of money and I don’t want to spend that much on you again.”

“You’re watching X Men Origins: Wolverine again? How many times have you seen this now? At least watch the good one!”

“You’ve been gaming for three days straight. You haven’t showered and to be honest, I don’t recall you moving at all. Have you gone to the bathroom or eaten? What’s in that cup?”

[tinytourguides-blog]

ofmaternalinstincts liked for a thing

 ❝ You’re Karen Mitchell, right? Ms. Dearing requested       for me to be your guide for the morning. ❞