(Defunct Blog)

(Defunct Blog)

[cassandracalin]

[tireseasdefunct]

Thank goodness my job requires me to talk regularly or I'd probably glitch out speaking to folks too.

[yamujiburo]

Cassidy's jacked now

what if in the future cassidy just got super fucking ripped from chopping wood all the time. like that one wood chopping thirst trap guy on

[kikoldraws]

Zelda and Link are doing something in the lake that attracts a large flock of korok.~\(≧▽≦)/~ Patreon：https://patreon.com/liangxing               Gumroad：https://gumroad.com/liangxing

[mcsiggy]

It's pride month :)

[catpawbs]

punishment for your daughter after disrupting a sermon

[ohbandera]

Pride YCH's are open! DM me at TWISTED MOOSE#2414 or here on tumblr to claim a slot! I can do any characters, and can add or remove flags! :D

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[foone]

the worst thing is that the aliexpress algorithm doesn’t understand the difference between looking at things made of silicone and wanting to buy raw silicone

and then it suggests things you could make with all that silicone, like A BUNCH OF HANDS? 

[foone]

see I clicked that one because it was weird, and now it’s suggesting a bunch of other weird stuff. this is the joy and the problem with aliexpress: I click on something because it’s weird, and it just makes it show me more weird stuff.

[foone]

have you ever wanted silicone elbow-length gloves to make your hands look like feet? sure, we all do!

[foone]

Have you ever wanted to learn acupuncture with a LIFE SIZE SILICONE DUMMY? WHY NOT? 

[okoklolol]

source

[deepdiver17]

You couldn’t resist the idea once it came up, but which idea was that? You can’t remember anymore.

[gayestcowboy]

non sexual nudity is fantastic and should not be treated like evil incarnate because it’s a basic part of human existence but don’t forget that sexual nudity is also rad as hell

[mcsiggy]

:) this is my 20,000th post on this blog wahoo!

Dionysus!

[a-titty-ninja]

titties

bless

[kidcosky]

[mcsiggy]

Ariadne and Dionysus from Crown of Starlight :) <3<3

@caitcorrain

[titten666]

Titten Voluptuous Louisa Khovansky Titten 666 Titten 666

[bloodcorpceo]

[poecil0theria-deactivated202604]

credit since the person who posted this didn't give it: @vampyr3wife

[shadow-banned-the-hedgehog]