Big, Bad world @to-the-captain - Tumblr Blog

decomposedmaw

someone used to wait here

queer-here-and-in-fear

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

queer-here-and-in-fear

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

queer-here-and-in-fear

anyway more addittions

“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.

“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.

“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum

“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh

“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird

“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.

“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.

“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.

“people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl

akashicrecord

You have turned this glory hole into a hole of dishonor and you must leave immediately

This year is the first year in like a decade I can’t watch the ESC finale because a good friend of mine is getting married on Saturday. How dare he

foxdoodles

the wolf of the mountain

doona-baes

#mood today

mintykiwi

EVERY YEAR

theghostparty

Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t. Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die. Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame. [...] There is a bomb inside you. I can say that. It might be true but it might not be definitive. The Dali Lama says we are born in bliss and Jesus says we are born in sin. Who are you going to believe? The Definitive Version by Richard Siken

In the Lord's year of 2026, I am outing myself as a Moran and Moriarty gal because there is nothing a bullet loves more than a finger on the trigger--and Jack O'Connell was really the only choice for Dónal Finn's Moriarty.

yawpyawp

idk how it works at tumblr, but at my UX job we do user research beforehand and then do UAT for our new features before publicly announcing them, so we don’t have to do stupid walkbacks after upsetting our whole user base

hearteyes-wheeler

Rest in peace ❌ Rest in pieces ✅

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

I like the implication that Caesar gets re-murdered each time

that-stone-butch

personalized ads are so funny to me

'hey we've been spying on you and tracking your every move. it's a culmination of state of the art technology and an unprecedented invasion of consumer privacy. a room full of men with made up jobs bent their will toward decades of constructing this system, defending it in court, and tirelessly innovating new ways to aggregate more data about you'

and the end result is

'yeah so uh we saw that you recently bought a car. so here's an ad for that car'

like no i'm good actually. you might be aware that i already have one