20s. three raccoons in a trench coat. mainly the witcher, the amazing devil, and heated rivalry now too, apparently. 🌿 #toapoetwriting for my writing, hopefully.
for his mama - ilya reflects on what he wished for as a boy and what he has now, and wishes his mama was still here
THE WITCHER
geraskier
the sunflower is mine (in a way) - cozy, sleepy afternoon spent studying and snuggling
no name - two paragraphs about a grown ciri going out on a hunt on her own and her fathers being domestic with each other
yennskier
moment's silence when my baby puts the mouth on me - modern au. jaskier buys yen a necklace and after giving it to her they spend the evening being intimate. mildly spicy!
brief vignettes of jaskier and yennefer being married - exactly what it says on the tin. little blurbs of them being Married that are either too short for a full fic or don't fit anywhere else
tiktok couldn’t handle all this (aka: i didn’t check if the song was available and it got muted IMMEDIATELY but i refuse to take accountability for that)
I know i have already discussed this ad nauseum, but I love that Shane never talks down to Ilya because of his weaker english skills. especially at the beginning when he’s just moved from russia. he just talks like he would with anyone else.
similarly, i love that ilya never teases or laughs at shane when he misses obvious conversational cues (re: ilya asking shane four times in florida if he is still seeing rose). he obviously finds it endearing mostly but even when he starts to get frustrated and just asks outright he never makes shane feel lesser or aware of his misstep. he’s endlessly patient with it
they are both just so earnest with each other, sort of unintentionally??? they really are like fated mates hehe <3
I am not a writer, if this sparks joy for anyone then go for it, free to a good home just please tag me.
-Game day, Boston vs New York 20 minutes to puck drop.
-Ilyas phone rings
-It’s Kip Grady
-He’s flown into Montreal, where NY is playing the next night, hoping to hang with his boyfriend Scott hunter
-Unfortunately, airline has lost his luggage and phone is gone/broken/dead, strange city little money no communication.
-Only phone number he has on him is Ilya’s, who gave it to him weeks ago after some league outing with the offer of support, just happens to be wearing the same jacket
-Kip calling Ilya in a panic, not sure what else to do, you said call if I need anything
-Ilya texts Shane, asks him if he can pick up Kip, look after him and put him up for a night in Montreal, they end up watching the Boston/NY game in their boyfriends jerseys and chatting (because Shane needs some queer friends, and Ilya knows this. Two birds one stone)
-Hunter realizes at some point during the game that Kip never texted when his plane landed, can’t be reached, OMG my boyfriend is missing, starts panicking.
-Ilya sees chaos on the other bench, has a decent idea what this might be about, has to try and subtlety explain to Scott that he knows where missing boyfriend is (he called me up, no this isn’t a chirp let go of my jersey you asshole.)
-Meanwhile Kip and Shane are painting each others nails and playing smash/pass, ignorant of their boyfriends hockey fight on TV in the background
-Ilya gets hold of Shane, stop being an asshole Scott and talk to your boyfriend, Kip sends selfie and Hunter is reassured, also chewed out by his boo for hitting Kip’s nice new Russian friend.
-Kip located, scott hunter bruised and sheepish, Ilya Rozanoff bruised and smug, awkward apology beer after the game
-Next night, NY plays in Montreal, Kip in the stands, decked out in Metro’s gear cause still no luggage
-Shane has a new friend and is quietly sassy about it (your boyfriend likes my team better, baby bird chirp) Hunter is long suffering and annoyed/grateful for these two closeted hockey punks
We got so carried away by the rhythm, I forgot about you - 11194 words; rated E; let me take the tuna melt and make it angstier thanks to the power of learning Russian and fanfics!
Ilya Rozanov's ao3 career in 10 fanfictions - 3516 words; rated E; what it says in the title.
Beside You in Time - 25634 words; rated M; HEED THE TAGS; time traveler Ilya deals with the time travel-fueled Torment Nexus.
Same reason as ever - 502 words; rated G; quintuple drabble of Hollanov-but-make-it-The-Old-Guard.
jackie: yeah separate bedrooms can be a blessing! i love hayden but sometimes i need my own space
shane: ????
hayden: it’s healthy for couples to get a breather! and it makes it more romantic when we share our bed again <3 even tho you kick in your sleep babe ahah
ilya: okei….
(later, at home)
ilya: don’t you ever dare sleep in a separate bed from me i will hunt you down
shane: fuck no never — also when you kick me in your sleep i just kick you right thefuck?? like grow a pair hayd, jeez
ilya: ok i see your point but maybe hayden shouldn’t kick his wife
shane: you’re right jackie should just kick him harder
ilya: exactly! we should be marriage counsellors, solving everybodies problems ))
Ruminating on the times when Ilya’s desire for control doesn’t lead to positive behavior. His encounter with Shane in Sochi, for example. There’s REAL WORLD fear there about being caught in a compromising position in Russia, yes. That is a huge factor here, so I don’t think he’s in the wrong. But also, Ilya at this point wants to be in charge of when him and Shane participate in displays of emotional intimacy. Minutes ago (for us) we saw Ilya kindly and earnestly join Shane in his first penetrative sexual experience, worrying throughout about Shane’s comfort and pleasure. Kissing and touching him tenderly. But as soon as Shane kisses him on the forehead, Ilya has to go. And now Shane is approaching him in Sochi, reaching out in friendship. I saw you up here. Are you okay? And I think part of Ilya is like nah. I decide when and how we are tender with each other, I set the tone for this, and right now we are strangers, or must be strangers, so go before I have to say something truly mean, for your own good, because I know best.
So part of Ilya’s surrender is letting someone else guide the tone and direction of an encounter, like Shane at the cottage. Not giving up control, but collaborating and being a part of a pair instead of alone in his choices. Later, he must accept that he has to be open with Shane about his struggles with depression in order to work through them. Partnership! Life as a collaboration instead of a rugged individual quest.
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.
2014
It's been two weeks since they last ate dinner together. The last time they did, they got into a stupid argument about something Shane can't even remember and Brian ended up storming out and sleeping at his own place. They met up for a short lunch the next week and made up, but they haven't been able to spend any substantial amount of time alone together since.
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brian's favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. He's not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that he's trying.
Brian seems to be on the same page, because he shows up with a bouquet of flowers and an apologetic smile. He swoops Shane in for a passionate kiss on the doorstep, sending Shane's heart fluttering.
They sit down to eat and it's nice. Cozy in its familiarity. There's still some tension lingering between them but for the first time in two weeks, Shane feels confident they can work through it.
There's a lull in the conversation and Brian straightens, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"You okay?" Shane asks, reaching for him across the table.
Brian takes his hand, squeezing it gratefully. "I'm fine. Just... thinking."
"About?"
"There's something I've been meaning to bring up," Brian says. "I'm just not sure how to say it."
"You could just say it," Shane suggests with a wry smile. He prefers to be told things bluntly and clearly, even when the topic is uncomfortable.
"Right. Things haven't been great between us lately, have they?"
Shane straightens, stomach clenching. He wants to pull his hand back, but Brian is still holding onto it tightly. "I guess so," he agrees reluctantly.
Brian's not about to break up with him, is he?
It would be ideal timing, Shane recognizes distantly. The season is over, he'd have all summer to get over it before he's back on the ice. Or maybe next week would have been better, after the MHL awards in Vegas.
"I think part of the problem is we have so little time together," Brian says, pulling Shane's mind back. "We get frustrated in our time apart, and we take it out on each other."
That's not true, Shane wants to say. Brian's always the one to snap, the one to escalate a disagreement into a fight. But even as he's thinking it, Shane knows he's not being fair. They have different styles of communication, and Shane's bottling up of his emotions is no better than Brian's explosive anger.
"We've also been together for so long," Brian continues. "And I'm afraid we might have fallen into bad patterns."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
The words burst out of him without permission. Shane feels stupid and childish as soon as he's said them.
"Oh, babe," Brian says, squeezing his hand tighter. "Of course not. I love you and I want to be with you."
Relief floods Shane. He manages to give Brian a wobbly smile, which Brian returns, raising Shane's hand to his lips and kissing it.
"I was just thinking... how would you feel about opening up the relationship?"
Shane blinks. For a long moment, he doesn't understand what Brian is saying. It's such a foreign concept to him, a thing he knows other couples do but he never would have thought he'd need to consider.
"What?"
"I think it would be really good for us," Brian says. "Your schedule is so crazy and we can't always line up our free nights. I think this could really take the pressure off for when do find time to be together."
This must be a nightmare. "You want to fuck other people?"
"I want us both to be able to enjoy new experiences. It wouldn't mean we love each other any less. It would just be sex, no strings attached."
"I don't -" Shane's voice catches in his throat. He feels vaguely nauseous. "Are you tired of me?"
Brian pulls back his hand. "Of course not. Jesus, Shane, don't be so close-minded. I know you're surrounded by hockey people all the time and it's a really conservative culture, but open relationships aren't anything unusual. Most of my gay friends are in ones."
"They are?"
"Yeah. And if anything, it brings them closer together."
Shane can't believe he's considering this, but. He's still not over the shock of thinking Brian was about to break up with him. That the person he's been with his entire adult life, the person who's loved and supported him since before he was drafted, could be gone from his life just like that.
If Shane says no, will Brian just break up with him anyway?
"We can try it out," Shane says cautiously. "But I'm not sure - I don't know if I could sleep with someone else."
Briefly, inexplicably, Rozanov flashes through his mind. Shane's heart jumps and he chases the thought away.
Brian gets up, rounding the table to pull Shane in for a kiss. "You're so sweet, but don't say yes just for my benefit. This could be good for both of us. You should at least try."
"...Okay."
Shane can't say he's comfortable with the idea. It feels too much like cheating. But then, he wasn't exactly comfortable with sleeping with Brian at first, either, and that turned out to be one of the best decisions of his life.
Brian smiles at him fondly, stroking Shane's cheek with his thumb. "If it helps, you can think of it like practicing for a game."
The implication sits sour in Shane's gut but he ignores it. Brian's just trying to put it in terms Shane will relate to.
Brian stays the night. Once he's gone, having given Shane a lingering kiss goodbye, Shane pulls up his phone.
He scrolls down to Rozanov's contact. It still feels wrong, but Brian hasn't just given his blessing. He's explicitly encouraged Shane to seek someone else out for no-strings attached sex and if there's one person Shane knows is reliable for it, it's Rozanov.
Besides, it's not like Shane's swimming in other options.
Shane keeps this firmly in mind as he types out his message, ignoring the way his stomach twists in anticipation. He's not excited about this, he reminds himself. This is just an experiment, something he's doing because it will please Brian.
Could we meet up at the awards in private?
His phone buzzes a couple of minutes later with Rozanov's reply.
if you promise not to be a sore loser when i win mvp 😈
+
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Reheating again and I finally realized that it is actually so obvious they cut so much from their first meeting. Like. The way that Ilya goes from blank/mad dogging to a little smile, charmed by Shane…… Mr Tierney i require the rambles you took from us 🔫🔫🔫
WAIT guys im not done horny posting… one more thing… Shane and Ilya have bare sex, ok and Shane is all have you ever you know done that with anyone before? And Ilya is like hm no not really and Shane is like what do you mean not really. And Ilya is like well with girls sometimes when I was drunk and being stupid, but I’d always pull out- I’ve only ever cum inside you Shane. And Shane is like. Oh. Because it kinda didn’t matter if Ilya had- but he kinda loves that only he’s given Ilya that. And then he’s just like “I can’t really picture you being able to pull out” and Ilya is like all eye brows and “what? What kind of chirp is this Hollander? I am not so stupid to maybe get someone pregnant” and Shane is just all shrug- “well whenever we- everytime we’ve fucked, even with a condom you don’t want to come anywhere but inside me. And you push in so deep when you cum sometimes it knocks my breath out. So. I just can’t see it” he shrugs and Ilya is all.
“What the fuck shane” and he’s maybe a little hard, and Shane is like “I mean it’s really hot. I like it. I just think you’d suck at pulling out” and he’s got a little smirk and Ilya is like woooow. Turns into bickering which turns into play fighting which turns into dry humping- which turns into Shane on his back with his legs slung over Ilya’s hips, Ilya pushing into him bare and slick with lube.
Once he’s all the way inside, mouth panting against Shane’s, Shane stroking his hand through his hair he’s like “make sure you pull out okay?” And Ilya pulls back to catch Shane’s eye and that little gleam he gets in it and oh game on. Ilya is like “of course baby, don’t wanna get you pregnant, metros stand no chance without next season if you’re knocked up” and Shane’s mouth drops open and his cock throbs between them and he lets out a tiny choked sound and oh. Ilya will be investigating that more later.
But it Shane so it’s game on and he swallows and he says “mm only if you can’t control yourself big boy” and Ilya hates how much that turns him on- and then they’re fucking and Shane is squirmy and loud under him, hands all over Ilya’s chest and neck and face and down his back and gripping at his ass and Ilya loooves that he can fuck him like this now, on his back and glued close and not hiding anything between them anymore. Ilyas getting close and his brain is swimming because he won’t prove Shane right- he won’t but fuck it feels so fucking good and Shane is so tight and wet and perfect around him and his cock looks so pretty throbbing and jolting with Ilya’s thrusts and he loves the way Shane shakes around him after he’s cum and Ilya keeps fucking him through it till he fills him and he wants that and he- he can’t he’s going to be good.
And then shane is kissing him, pulling at his hair, scratching at his scalp and saying “m close” Ilya all low and soft and fuck Ilya loves him and only Ilya gets him like this and they both need this so badly- it’s the whole universe, how good this feels. And Ilya needs Shane to feel good, he’s nodding, kissing Shane back the best he can as he fucks him, harder, deeper, presses his legs apart further the leverage down and in the way Shane loves and Shane is whining, throwing his head back and mumbling “Ilya Ilya” and Ilya might die, like this, he thinks one day because it’s too good. It’s already heaven.
“Let go sweetheart” Ilya is mumbling and shane is nodding and he’s slurring out “don’t cum, don’t cum inside remember, you can’ get me pre” and Ilya is fucking him harder then, Shane’s words stuttering until he cums, back bowed and all over his stomach and chest and he’s so fucking tight round Ilya and Ilya is so fucking close. So close. He needs to cum- but he needs to cum inside Shane.
He’s never once had an issue with pulling out, happy to cover tits or face or ass in his cum instead, but Shane is all dazed and shivery and post orgasm gorgeous on his cock and his hands are grabbing soft and open at Ilya’s back and neck, holding him close and Shane loves being full, Ilya knows this, Ilya loves filling him, he stays inside Shane after sex for as long as he can most times and it’s not right it’s not what he wants, to pull out of the warm secure home of Shane’s body, where he belongs, where Shane takes him like it’s devotion. Ilya is shivering, his shoulder wracking as he fucks Shane and his pace is slowed and he tries to force his hips to stay on the out stroke. To pull back- but he can’t, he can’t stop driving in, helpless little fucks of his good because this feels to good, being Shane’s, connected to him, fucking him open, fitting him on him he can’t make himself stop.
Ilya frowns and looks up at Shane and Shane is head back, mouth parted, soft smile as he takes Ilya’s thrusts, his hand on Ilya’s cheek now, thumb rubbing and Shane mumbles after a big content sigh “fuck baby I love your cock” and then Ilya is whining, low and driving into Shane, all the way, sinking his cock so deep it must hurt a bit for Shane, till he has no more space to go and he cums so hard his thigh and lower stomach cramp with it, Shaking as he ruts and pushes up up up into Shane, filling him.
When they both have words again, Shane giggles, fuck drunk and swats at Ilya’s ass and Ilya is shaking his head and pinching at Shane’s sides and calling him a cheat! A fucking cheat! He didn’t play faiiir and Shane is laughing, open and happy and locks his legs behind Ilya’s back when he does threaten to pull out and kisses his head and tell him it’s okay he won’t tell alone his pull out game is weak and Ilya pins his hands to the bed to tickle him until Shane is kicking at him and flushed all the way down his chest and Ilya gives in. He slumps onto Shane, biting back his smile. Fuck Shane is so fun and lovely and hot and everything he could have ever wanted. He puts his hand over Shane’s stomach, spreading his cum out with his fingers, making a mess that Shane will start to bitch about in the next ten or so seconds but Ilya beats him to it, pulls back to look at Shane and ask “what will we call the baby?” And then Shane is pushing Ilya out of him, avoiding eye contact and flushing and stumbling on dazed legs to the shower. Ilya catches his smile in the bathroom mirror as Ilya chases after him.
something so many people in this fandom seem to forget is that depression isn't cured by love. ilya will go through his life with a supportive team, an adoring husband, wonderful friends and in-laws, and he's still going to have days where he doesn't want to get up. he's still going to be angry at himself for not being better despite everything. he's still going to flinch when he sees pill bottles and knives and wonder if he laughs like his mother. through therapy and being honest and maybe medication, those days are going to be less frequent until maybe they barely happen at all. but they're still going to happen, because ilya is still depressed, and you can't love the depression out of someone
this is ilya when shane attempts to put away his baby album, whining that ilya’s had enough “fat baby shane time today” even tho there’s no such thing as enough fat baby shane time
