schittyfic

i used to scream about schitt's creek and now the idiot hockey boys own my soul @schittyfic on ao3! alison | 30 | she/her | UK

[roguebebe]

i would unfortunately be a guest on his podcast 😔

[yearnalisms]

my whimsical mma princess<3

[schittyfic]

“No one is here now,” Ilya observes, theatrically turning his head left and right and spreading his arms wide. Droplets of water trickle temptingly down the line of his forearms, tracing a stark vein running along his bicep. “Just us.”

“Just us,” Shane echoes, quiet and almost disbelieving.

These days together have melted into one long, sundrenched dream. At any given moment, he half-expects he’ll jolt awake.

-

Or: the day after the ‘I love you’s, Shane still doesn’t quite think this could all be real. A golden afternoon down at the lake helps him believe it. A 1x06 missing scene.

[miplup]

it's like 199 degrees‼️🥵

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

I'm thinking about how Ilya canonically loves watching it go in,,, I'm thinking about Shane on all fours getting pounded into the fucking mattress, just the way he likes it, whining piteously when Ilya suddenly slows down. I'm thinking about Shane craning his neck, looking over his shoulder through glassy eyes to try and see why Ilya changed the pace. I'm thinking about Ilya not even noticing because he's too slack jawed watching how Shane's stretched rim clings to his thick shaft every time he pulls back, how it clenches desperately around it when he pushes back in, slick lube oozing out, dripping down Shane's taint. I'm thinking about Ilya teasing Shane with this slow, grinding pace for aaaages, even as Shane begs and pleads and sobs for more, because he enjoys watching his greedy hole take him too much to stop.

[thisfeebleheart]

[ilyashaneconnorhudson]

x

[shilyas]

[schittyfic]

“No one is here now,” Ilya observes, theatrically turning his head left and right and spreading his arms wide. Droplets of water trickle temptingly down the line of his forearms, tracing a stark vein running along his bicep. “Just us.”

“Just us,” Shane echoes, quiet and almost disbelieving.

These days together have melted into one long, sundrenched dream. At any given moment, he half-expects he’ll jolt awake.

-

Or: the day after the 'I love you's, Shane still doesn't quite think this could all be real. A golden afternoon down at the lake helps him believe it. A 1x06 missing scene.

[bugslibraryy]

Shane leaving a big dark bruise looking hickey in the v of Ilyas hip purely on accident, he doesn’t think about it, all teeth and mouth and hungry tongue because Ilya told him he’s not allowed to get Ilya off with his mouth, that he wants to use his cheek instead. And was, thrusting his hard cock all wet from his spit (get it wet for me sweetheart, that’s it Shane spit on it for me) over Shane’s soft cheek, and since Shane couldn’t his his mouth how he wanted he kept his mouth busy on Ilya’s skin.

Later, after, after ilya had cleaned Shane’s face with his fingers and both their mouths- they are stumbling heavy footed and tired into the bathroom for a shower- and Ilya sees it, a dark mouth shaped bruise, purple red, it looks like he took a fucking puck to his groin. He gasps and Shane is like huh? All big heavy eyes already in the shower, waiting for Ilya to get in with him. His hair is all wet flat to his head, brushed back out of eyes. Ilya has got to fuck him again. But more importantly -

“I was attacked !!!!” Ilya points to his hip. “Some little vampire attached to me, can you believe this? Shane how could a vampire sneak into our bedroom without knowing?” And Shane is all red red cheeks and red red chest and mumbly “it was an accident, you’re the one who said I couldn’t use my mouth” and he’s huffing and puffing and Ilya steps into the shower and he’s only going to tease him a little while longer, before he kisses Shane stupid and tells him how much he likes it. But first. “You did this? My Shane? I had no idea! Let me see your fangs” and he’s shoving his fingers into Shane’s mouth, poking at his canine teeth and Shane is making his furious kitten face-

[it-will-pass]

standing like a goody-two shoes with that dorkass smile after pissing offff his situationship/rivalry/crush #exactly

[fuckrozanov]

goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day

[duckduckhonk]

Heated Rivalry TV (2026) - Season 1 Episode 1 "Rookies" || Heated Rivalry (Game Changers (Book 2)) - Part 1 Chapter 4

[hudconov]

hungry

[ok-notgood-probablybad]

[kaaaaaaarf]

yeah.

[allstarrocks]

i wish vegas bathroom wasnt so early in their hook up era a more seasoned ilya wouldve known he couldve made shane get on his knees on that dirty bathroom floor and beg to suck ilyas dick

[allstarrocks]

its like, "maybe ask nicely"

and shane tries, he even tries to ask nicer and then ilya is humming in disapproval, touching his face and saying 'it would be nicer if u asked on your knees, yes?'

and shanes already gone, its muscle memory to get down on his knees for ilya at this point, he finds himself sinking down, tuxedo pants hitting the tile thats probably decently maintained but feels filthy to him now, because ilya said it was filthy, and thats playing in his mind and he barely manages out another plea for ilya to suck his dick, bc he was told to, and ilya laughs

'that is what you want?'

'uh, what? yes. Please.'

'you are the one on your knees, are you sure?' and ilya cups the side of his head and shane is swaying, barely succeeding in his effort to resist diving face first into ilyas crotch 'maybe you do want to suck my dick? you will still have to ask for it.'

and this position is all reflex for shane, hes salivating at the thought, fears of humiliation gone in favor of his desperate need to be good and he says 'please, rozanov? please can i suck your dick?'

And ilyas hand curls into a fist, gripping his hair unkindly and pulling his head back to look at his face, shane is flushed cheeks hooded eyes labored breaths, ilya is smiling, 'no.'