my pockets are tiny backpacks

essays, drawings and a picture or two

[tobiascrabtree]

Saying Nothing

Non-sense message to a Friend This is on the lighter side. I’m amazed at how much is spoken these days without anything being said. I’m not just talking about media, I’m talking about conversations in general. With the incredible glut of so-called knowledge, you’d think we would be able to speak clearly, even wonderfully, about what we think and love and believe. But no. No. So here is a message…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Furnace Heart

These things are all true: Somewhere there is a Verdin with his yellow ochre mop and he is building several nests for his lover. He will show her each nest and she will choose her favorite and they will mate and have a family. His song is impossibly high and sweet. Somewhere there is a Bowhead whale thundering through the inky deep of a southern ocean. Her people are all around her singing songs…

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Dance to the Exits

I live in a Toyota Dolphin. In case you don’t know what that is, well, it’s a tiny RV.  By definition, I am homeless. When asked specifics about my life by people that I think wouldn’t understand, I become evasive. Even after all these 50 years I find myself using vague language when I’m asked about what I do and where I go. I’m not insecure, I’m just too close to being a feral cat or something,…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Rarely Wise

I guess we don’t have to know one another for me to call you friend. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna try and hug you, I’ll just share these few things with ya. If I remember that you’re my friend, I feel quieter and sweeter, it keeps me off of my soapbox and closer to the heart. Yes, your heart. Maybe grab a cup of tea or coffee and I’ll send you some scrabblings from where I sit. I woke this morning…

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[tobiascrabtree]

A letter from The Wild

It’s been weeks now since I’ve had any good sleep. I say sleep, but I reckon I could word it better, I suppose I should say rest. I never really sleep. I rest between the night and the dawn, do you know those hours? That secret time that sits and breathes after the last quiet call of the nightbirds. That’s when I find a kind of respite. It is the quietude. It is when the Dreaming slips between…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Imperfections (perfections)

My Mama has age spots, she’s a true beauty. I know age is a touchy matter with most folks and I don’t know why, after all, it never stops happening. My mom’s spots started a long time ago and I just thought they were big freckles. I love freckles. Freckles and gap teeth. I have neither, but I wish I did. My buddy Nick has one of the best gaps in his teeth I’ve ever seen and it’s the finishing…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Spreading Mulch

I’ve never seen an aquarium where the fish don’t spend most of their time swimming against the glass. I reckon there are some fish that comprehend their fate — like puffers, I think they know. And I wonder what they see from the inside. Giant shadowy figures sometimes coming close, tapping unintelligently against the strange clear barrier that separates the two worlds. When I see fish swimming…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Dear Internet

Dear Internet, I’m sorry. I want to apologize for a lot of things. I’m sorry for depending on you so much. I’m sorry for interrupting you during dinner and at all hours of the night. I’m sorry for depending on you for things that I’m too lazy to remember. I’m sorry for asking you questions that really don’t matter, like what’s the name of the movie with the guy that looks like one of the Baldwins…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Long-eared Jack

A couple days ago I stepped outside and landed smack dab in the middle of my memories. It musta been the smells and the temperature and maybe the sound of children calling to each other, but I went right on back into elementary school. I was remembering names and places and red leaves pasted to the wet, cold ground. I was chatting with Dan Anglin about superheroes we were making up. I was…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Less Static, Please...

Less Static, Please…

Along with dreams about the Devil, I often dream that I am losing the use of my hands. I read somewhere that it’s bad conversation to talk about your dreams — that no one really actually wants to hear about them. I reckon it ain’t any different, then, to write about ’em. The dreams about the Devil are easy enough for me to deal with, I was raised a Baptist and the son of a Preacher. I grew up…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Soup

Montana. In my experience, boats in the water are always sinking and my RV in the rain is always leaking. Such is the case even now, I mean, I ain’t sure about boats because I’m not on one, but my little Toyota Dolphin is only yards away–and she’s most definitely leaking. I’m resigned to this inalienable truth about my rig. I do complain some, but I understand that complaints are barking dogs:…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Dancing Preacherman

I have vivid memories of church. Church happened 3 times a week for me when I was a youngster. My Pa was the assistant pastor. He led the congregation in song before the message was given by the Preacher. My Dad is a showman, a regular circus performer who took his skills to church. He doesn’t just lead songs, he dances and hops and jumps from the pulpit to the floor. He is 80 something and still…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Little Minds

Beans is dreaming on the sofa. She’s obviously running in her dream, all four legs are flicking and twitching and her eyes are rolling under her blue lashes. Where are you Beans? What wonderful world are you exploring? Are there bacon scented squirrels that never die, only lead you in fantastic chases? I want to see into her dreams and experience her senses. What incredible things her nose must…

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It's fizzix, I reckon.

It’s fizzix, I reckon.

Whenever I’m trying to get my little toyota RV (the dolphin) to sit level, I use existing props. I pile rocks or stack wood or use curbs. I never get it really good and level, just enough to keep me from rolling out of my bunk or to keep me from piling into my lover, Kayla, if it’s the opposite way. It sucks to spend the night fighting gravity. I check how close to level I am by putting a marble…

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[tobiascrabtree]

The Beast in the Hollow

The Beast in the Hollow

What is this heaving, this lifting from the deep? I can see you down there where the trail loses itself, where there is no easy travel, and you are moving through the cedars and the larch and the oak. I have known about you since I was a child, back when you were calling me from the black timber and the rocks dropped from the bellies of glaciers. I know your shape: the twiny, horny thicket of…

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[tobiascrabtree]

A Path, A Creek, A Snake

A Path, A Creek, A Snake

There are so many ways to move through the world. I see the folks who’ve chosen to be oblivious. I wonder about sweet oblivion. I can’t do it. I am a natural born wonderer, for better or worse. I dream and create, sometimes obsessively, in my head. Lately I’ve made it a point to look around me and see. I have to make it a point to do this because humans generally drive me nuts and, even though…

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[tobiascrabtree]

Show Your Teeth

Cannon is 4, he holds up four fingers with the thumb tucked when he says it. His folks let him be in the pool with me whenever they please. Cannon is safe with me. He’s safe with me anywhere. Tonight I saw a meteor fall in the evening sky over Moreno Valley. It was the biggest light I’ve ever seen from a meteor. Green then white and then the colors of fire in an evening sky with a half moon. With…

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