Pokémon of the Day

[todays-pokemon]

575. today’s pokemon is gothorita, in honor of that wednesday show people seem to like. she’s really into astrology and also kidnapping children. so definitely a capricorn then. 

[todays-pokemon]

225. the hondadays are now upon us so say a happy merry to delibird, which is what you'd get if santa claus were a penguin who was also one of those rescue saint bernards

[todays-pokemon]

582. vanillite is a sentient ice cream cone that was born from a sun-kissed icicle. *wind chime sounds* 

It’s also wearing a toupee of soft-serve. A swirlee, if you will.  

[todays-pokemon]

476: Here is my argument for why Probopass is a Pokemon for pickup artists. Exhibit a: a strongly magnetic presence despite his ridiculousness. Exhibit b: he never goes anywhere without his tiny wingmen. Exhibit c: That mustache is CLEARLY peacocking

[todays-pokemon]

412. i asked my coworkers for suggestions this morning and this is how they responded:

so by their powers combined, here is burmy, whose winter wardrobe consists of literal trash 

[todays-pokemon]

737. this is Charjabug. it is a bus. People use its farts to charge their phones.

meanwhile, here we have the SHINY charjabug, which i imagine only goes on the express route

[todays-pokemon]

75. In honor of John Fetterman’s senate win, today’s Pokemon is Golem: big, bald, ALSO friends with Obama, and possibly of jewish descent based exclusively on the name and nothing else

[todays-pokemon]

74. geodude is real, strong, and friends with obama, which are three of the coolest things to be. at best joe biden is only two of those things (unless you count moral strength which i guess we should) Anyway please vote more of geodude’s friend’s colleagues into office today thx

[todays-pokemon]

679. You know the rumor that FROZEN's title was meant to bump all the search results about Walt Disney's cryogenically frozen head?  Sometimes I wonder if Pokémon Sword and Shield got called that so people would stop making fun of honedge so much. Anyway, he’s a dumb ghost sword 

[todays-pokemon]

52a. did you know team rocket’s meowth first learned how to talk because he wanted to impress another meowth with a rich owner? (i guess because HE wanted to own her????) now he exploits other pokemon for money, so that tracks. someday he'll buy twitter too probably

[todays-pokemon]

287. Skaloth does nothing but eat three leaves and sit there, sort of like me on a slow day at work except i eat way more leaves than that. You see how big those sweetgreen salads are? That’s like a slakoth’s entire gross domestic product

[todays-pokemon]

563. If you've ever played a video game that has chests in it and sometimes those chests try to eat you, cofagrigus has the exact same energy

[todays-pokemon]

711. Happy Halloween to Gourgeist, a Jack o'Lantern with a weave on top that forcibly drags people to the afterlife while singing a little song. Seriously is this pokémon or fucking bloodborne. No wonder we make them fight one another for sport

[todays-pokemon]

688. The tweedledee and/or -dum aesthetic makes it seem like Binacle's getting ready to lead a rousing chorus of “the walrus and the carpenter,” which should also make sense to fans of the 1999 kevin smith movie dogma because this creature(s?) is clearly a SIN AGAINST GOD

[todays-pokemon]

725. National Black Cat Day was yesterday so this is litten. he coughs up furballs that are also fireballs and he does not want to be your friend

[todays-pokemon]

292. As a discarded exoskeleton come to life, Shedinja is basically the Nobody of Ninjask. If you understood that reference, congratulations and also I’m sorry.

[todays-pokemon]

532. Timburr likes to “help” with construction projects, and by “help” i mean he throws a damn hissy fit if everybody takes a break on account of rain. he is the world’s worst union rep. Do not trust him with your safety.