Together in Solitude /// Bersama dalam Kesendirian

[togetherinsolitude]

while working, sharing info, sharing process relevant to who at what time? this text is based on what my friend Luksia told me today when i asked her about it. she was kind enough to share the numbers too.

 Neoliberal healthcare crisis and budget cuts NL context

 The Corona virus has exposed the neoliberal crisis of this country’s healthcare system after 10 years of its economization under Rutte’s command. Different measures have caused the public health care system to crumble and succumb to profit motivated health care and market forces.

Profit oriented hospitals

Public health care is one of the largest cost items in the national budget, for which the Dutch government pays from tax money. New policies allow hospitals to make profit and has turned it into the sole strategy for them to survive. Many smaller hospitals that were providing essential neighborhood care went bankrupt in the face of competition. Another factor is the bureaucratization that results from the government constantly giving more rules, increasingly demanding to account for the work people have been doing in the buildings, allowing them to have little time for doing the ground work they were supposed to be doing. This while most of the money that the remaining hospitals make disappears into it's managerial layers, pharmaceutical and ICT companies, while doctors become their own companies. With small hospitals disappearing, access to healthcare becomes a problem, showing itself in the evident lack of IC beds in the times of Corona.

Own risk

On an individual level, citizens are obligated to make a contract with health care insurance companies, for which they pay monthly to access service packages ranging from basics to special, from budget to premium. Under those contracts, citizens are financially responsible for our ‘own risk’, which is the max amount of money you have to pay from your own pocket to get care outside the general practitioner. This money is essentially profit that health care insurance companies make, that they put on a bank with no other designation than to be used to invest. The ‘own risk’ has increased over the years from 200 to over 350 euros and in practice takes its toll especially from our already vulnerable groups and the people on the bottom of our society, many of whom are working in conditions that require heavy physical or affective labor. Considering that they run a higher risk to get sick or injured and they are more often forced to pay the full sum, it’s generally the poor adding to that pile of money that insurance companies already raked in.

Measures in home care

Budget cuts on staff hit the people working in the ‘thuiszorg’ or home care hardest. In this line of work, 75.000 people lost their jobs. Home care has been minimalized and, in many ways, completely eliminated, leaving responsibility for our elderly largely with the family and depending on informal care, true to the vision of the participation society, the Dutch version of the UK's big society. It has led to the neglect, isolation and increased vulnerability of the elderly and disabled.

The homecarers in the Netherlands are amongst the current front liners, the people that take care of the elderly and disabled in their homes, washing them, keeping an eye on how they are doing, physical and mental health wise and who are in direct contact with the general practitioner. Initially, keeping track of eating and drinking habits and support in domestic work fell under home care as well, but these were split off from specified and controlled health care activities. Health care and domestic workers, although caring for the same patients are no longer formally or institutionally facilitated to keep in touch with each other. The company makes them change patients constantly and does not let them sustain long term relationships.

In 2015, the responsibility for organizing home care was moved from a national and public level to the level of the municipality, under the WMO law for ‘societal support’. The government insists the municipalities enable people to live at home on their own as long as possible and that they take on the administration of this type of healthcare too. If you need the home care, you apply with the municipal authorities to get a health worker assigned to you. Since the municipality is no expert on how to organize professional care at home, they buy care from companies that in turn run it on the neighborhood level.

These companies compete with each other, because the municipalities want cheap care. Health and domestic care professionals who were previously contracted and working for a national public health care system are forced into precarity, into becoming freelancers working for companies and care institutions, stripped from their rights, pension and sick leave. These changes affects the quality of the work they are able to do to its core. Home care is a type of essential work for a minimum wage under a government that continues to add on regulations and control, playing blind to the moral and ethical dilemmas accompanying the weight of carrying the responsibility for another person’s life.

Insufficient places for education also contributed to a dire shortage in health care staff. In 2019, 140 000 unfulfilled job offers was the highest amount since 20 years. It has led to a level of work pressure that is through the roof, causing stress, anxiety and depression. People in the health care sector run high risk to become sick, performing under impossible time constraints and control. Meanwhile the cuts ate up 200 million from the mental healthcare in between 2011 and 2017. With 6,7%, absence from work due to sickness, it is highest among those caring for the eldery.

11 april 2020, Utrecht #dontpanic #unionize

[togetherinsolitude]

30 Days of Solitude

bukan maksudku mau berbagi nasib nasib adalah kesunyian masing masing ku pilih kau dari yang banyak,tapi sebentar kita sudah dalam sepi lagi terjaring aku pernah ingin benar padamu di malam raya, menjadi kanak-kanak kembali

Aku ingin membagi sajak Pemberian Tahu (1946) semata karena merasa tak ada sajak lain yang pas untuk memulai ini semua. Mencoba berbagi nasib, sambung Chairil Anwar, walau nasib adalah kesunyian masing-masing.

Aku mungkin satu dari berjuta manusia yang telah ditulis oleh setumpuk kisah apek tentang kesunyian. Yang mencoba bertahan atau malah mengelakkan kesunyian, tapi akhirnya menyerah dan dilupakan.

Ini adalah bentuk kesunyian yang nyata. Tentang manusia yang tak pernah keluar dari adat yang membelenggunya, yang sunyi sendiri menghadapi kekuasaan-kekuasaan, dan karena hati nurani yang tak mampu menghadapi kenyataan sejarah. Yang kemudian diekspresikan lewat pola pikir dan tindakan yang berlebihan: eksperimen berkarya yang gila-gilaan, percintaan yang ganas, perang yang tak ada habisnya, altruisme yang menggebu-gebu dll.

Bermiliar orang lebih, merasa bahagia terkena wabah insomnia dibanding wabah corona. Pun demikian bila terjadi wabah amnesia. Beratus juta orang bangga menyandang status positif tuna-sejarah.

Kesunyian adalah ibu dari kebosanan. Agar tak merasa bosan, kusibukkan diri dengan memberi makan seekor induk kucing, kuelus ketiga anaknya, memasak resep yang belum pernah kuhidangkan, dan sering memerhatikan hujan.

Hujan turun selama semingguan ini. Sepengamatanku, ia mulai lebat setengah jam setelah Adzan Dhuhur. Adakalanya hujan cuma gerimis kecil, tapi dimulai lebih pagi, merenggut cahaya merona matahari.

Saat itu orang tampak tak bergairah. Bahkan gerak napas mereka tak lebih seperti orang yang memperhatikan matahari tenggelam pada bulan April lewat jendela terbuka.

Mereka mulai tahu bahwa hujan gerimis adalah tanda datangnya hujan yang lebih lebat. Tiba-tiba, langit seakan-akan diremukkan menjadi seperangkat radio yang rusak.

Tetapi bukan itu permasalahannya. Yang terburuk adalah hujan itu telah memengaruhi segala sesuatu. Semua kenangan liar sewaktu muda; pesta hingar-bingar yang terakhir yang membangkitkan nafsu liar. Dan pada akhirnya yang tertinggal adalah perasaan getir dan penyesalan.

Mungkin, ada juga yang membangkitkan dalam dirinya keinginan yang terlambat pada begitu banyak usaha yang sebenarnya berguna, dan seharusnya ia lakukan, tetapi ternyata tidak dilakukannya. Semua itu sebenarnya datang dari tempat yang jauh, bukan dijatuhkan oleh hujan.

Untuk beberapa lama, aku mengukur sejauh mana rasa bangga yang tinggal tersisa. Langkah-langkah perlu dijejakkan.

Terkadang hujan telah memadamkan nafsu dan membangkitkan semacam ketenangan, karena tak berselera. Dikuasainya sifat bermalas-malasan.

Namun, udara yang lembab juga terlampau membuatku menemukan ilusi-ilusi romantis tatkala birahi mulai memuncak, yang menggeliat dalam diri dan seperti tak mampu diobati. Semenjak pengalaman bercinta makin bertambah.

Setelah hujan reda, apa yang akan terjadi? Apakah kau langsung pergi ke kamar dan menutup diri, tak sanggup menulis bahkan untuk berpikir, karena rasa gelisah yang ditimbulkan oleh gelak tawa, bisikan, senda gurau, dan kemudian diakhiri oleh kesunyian yang menyumbat malam-malammu, lagi?

Namun, sampai saat itu, kau akan memahami betapa kau mencintai teman-temanmu, betapa kau merindukan mereka, dan betapa kau ingin berada di antara mereka. Sampai saat itu terjadi, kita akan bertemu, saling berjabat tangan, saling berpelukan, dan saling berciuman.

kita berpeluk ciuman tak jemu rasa tak sanggup kau ku lepaskan jangan satukan hidupmu dengan hidupku aku memang tidak bisa lama bersama ini juga ku tulis di kapal dilaut tak bernama!

***

Post-script: Di mana pada suatu malam yang tak lebih baik dari malam-malam yang lain, tetaplah kuat seperti yang sudah kau tunjukkan padaku bertahun-tahun lamanya.

[togetherinsolitude]

Enyalah Covid-19, kembalikan ruang privat saya...

Sudah kita ketahui bersama, himbauan pemerintah itu datang pasca covid-19 menyerang, belum ada 1 bulan kita semua dipaksa untuk mematuhi aturan yang ada. Bekerja di rumah, tidak keluar, selalu menjaga jarak dan hal-hal normatif lainnya yang digunakan / diancamkan untuk mencegah atau memotong rantai penularan virus Covid-19.

Ada atau tidak adanya Covid-19, bagi para buruh tulis lepas, yang hidupnya tanpa beratapkan kantor, ya sama saja. Hidup sebagai juru ketik yang dikejar deadline tanpa akhir, tidak ada perbedaaan signifikan. Semuanya terasa sama saja. Yang membedakan hanya, kemudian banyak orang-orang yang bekerja kantoran beralih menjadi bekerja di rumah, ala-ala pekerja lepas.

Semuanya dilakukan, entah, dengan alasan atau hanya ikutan-ikutan saja. Awalnya pasti merasa ini sebagai tugas, atau awalnya ini semacam liburan terselubung. Mereka hanya belum merasakan saja jika sudah 1 bulan penuh melakukan kerja dari kamarnya sendiri. Dunia yang sebelumnya privat dan intim, menjadi milik perusahaan begitu saja. Dunia terasa milik kantor. Setiap gerak gerik selalu saja menjadi bagian dari kantor.

Padahal, kamar adalah satu-satunya ruang privasi, mungkin bagi sebagian orang di mana saja tidak penting. Bagi buruh tulis lepas, kamar ialah ruang privasi namun begitu saja berubah menjadi ruang kantor-ruang kerja, hak milik penuh pekerja berubah seutuhnya. Tidak heran, mereka lari ke tempat kopi, untuk menggiring ruang privasinya agar tak selalu dijajah. Tapi hari ini? Warung kopi tutup begitu saja. Ya sudah… saya relakan ruang privasi saya!

Awalnya, saya pikir, para pekerja buruh tulis lepas yang hidupnya hampir 24 jam, tidur, tempat meditasi, tempat cari ide, makan, bersenggama, semuanya dilakukan di dalam kamar sekaligus ruang kerjanya akan selama berakhir demikian. Tetapi hari ini, semuanya sudah merasakan, bahwa apa yang paling privasi bisa saja dijadikan ruang kerja, untuk perusahaan mereka. Saya lega, semua sudah merasakan hal yang sama apa yang saya rasakan. Mungkin kamar mandi satu-satunya tempat paling privat bagi buruh tulis lepas. Sambil jongkok merenung.. 

[togetherinsolitude]

an oasis within a crisis

I never liked to feel hopeless, to know that i cannot change anything that is happening right now, and these negative thoughts are taking a toll on me. I started to constantly feel sad and angry and scared. 

It’s the uncertainty of all this. The lingering question of when will this all be over? and with a government like this I doubt it will end soon, and that’s what stresses me out the most. I hated being alone, much less staying at home with my family for long periods of time. It became so easy to feel so uninspired and that leads me to having trouble to catch up with my studies, or anything at this point. Most of all I miss the laughs, the tiny moments, the hugs and kisses. I could go on and on about how much I’m suffering but I’ll spare you the details.

Last night I was super lucky to be able to meet the person I love most, my best friend who is also my boyfriend. I’m telling you all this because our rendezvous, though not as long as I hoped for, was probably one of the most beautiful. This trying times really do give so much meaning to the simplest things, for me it gave so much meaning to the few words we exchanged in the fleeting moments of our meeting last night. We used to hang out almost everyday since we began our college years and maybe I was starting to take it for granted. Last night we sat in his car, our hands, entangled as if clinging for dear life. We reached for each other, we kissed, and kissed, 

and I never thought it could feel so sacred.

We said good bye, I kissed him, this time on the verge of crying. I don’t know when we’ll be able to see each other again.

At the end of the day, our short yet long awaited meeting made me feel a whole lot better. Maybe love is just what we all need. Maybe it’s the lack of human touch, a warm embrace. I hope you all are feeling well I wish I could hug you all one by one to help you get through this but I can’t. In the word of Troy Bolton from High School Musical, we're all in this together! Let's all spread love n positivity during this difficult times cause the news and the isolation is enough to drive us all insane so it's the least we can do I guess.

—

I know this was all too emotional but aren’t we all too emotional for our own good these days? 

I really hope this madness can end asap and we can return to our daily lives, maybe living a more loving, grateful life after.

JKT07042020AU

[togetherinsolitude]

“Sembari tinggal di rumah, saya tidak bisa melakukan hal lain selain melukis untuk menunjukkan penghormatan saya kepada mereka,” ujar Li Zhong, seorang pelukis dan ketua Asosiasi Seniman Distrik Fengxian, Shanghai. Mulai bulan Februari, Li Zhong membuat dua karya per hari dengan tema “melawan pandemi dalam solidaritas”.

“As I’m staying at home, I can do nothing but paint to show my respect for them,” said Li Zhong, a painter and president of the Artist Association of Fengxian District, Shanghai. From the start of February, Li has been creating two art pieces per day on the theme of “combating the epidemic in solidarity”.

(source: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/peoples-daily-online/society/shanghai-painter-coronavirus-art/ and https://www.thetricontinental.org/newsletterissue/newsletter-13-2020-new-world-order/)

[togetherinsolitude]

I write to you from the night’s solitude in the privacy of my home. Although I’ve been self-isolating since the 12th of march, my first diary entrance mentioning the pandemic was on the 24th. This virus made a globally shared awareness and reality that I’ve been busy failing trying to escape. So I have been quiet, spending a lot of time in my head, which has its own special pleasures and terrible nightmares. At this point, I have said little in response when it comes to the crisis, although I have been listening a lot in the sudden boom of zoom and jitsi meetings. So let me share my thoughts on this topic that I dread to you here, in an attempt to be together with you and co-exist for a while.

So, I am staying at home these days. I am grateful to have a home where I feel safe, loved and warm. My thoughts are often with those who are locked in with their abusers, with the question of battling domestic violence. I don’t know what else to do than spread the info of hotlines and shelters online and plaster them on the streets.

For me, my home is where I can be with and alone at the same time. It’s one of my places for solitude and privacy. For many I guess, like those with kids, a bit of privacy is rare. I don’t think my upstairs neighbors get much of that these days, with five little monsters stuck inside their three room apartment. I need solitude to stay sane and happy, like I need solitude’s opposite too. That is a harder to come by these days. Of course, I miss going out and being around my friends and family, but at the same time it’s like we’re actually talking more than we used to. For a while, I felt frozen since plans I had are not possible now, worse, they didn’t seem to be relevant anymore or even make sense. It will remain frozen I guess, until this thing has blown over.

At the moment, here in the Netherlands we are three weeks into the Corona measures, but we don’t really experience a heavily enforced lock down. We can still go outside, we’re not allowed to school together or move around in groups larger than three, but I haven’t seen any cops giving out fines yet where I live. There are no megaphones every hour urging people to stay indoors like in Spain and Italy. Most of us are just following government’s advice. Few people are wearing masks, not even in the hospitals, only the ones working with the corona patients. People look at you strange when wear one, I’m wondering how to make it hip, because you cannot know when you carry something and it’s better to be safe than sorry. I saw a woman in the market yesterday who was selecting lemons wearing a glove. The alcohol sprayed on the bars of the obligated shopping carts rubs off on people’s hands, but I don’t think it’s enough to keep all the germs at bay. They don’t clean the produce and so I thought it was a nice gesture of her.

The Dutch government has been terribly slow in responding to this crisis for which we have been warned so well in advance. These white people are acting superior as usual, thinking they are untouchable using words like ‘intelligent lockdown’, as if the Dutch are smarter than everyone else in the world, meanwhile ignoring good practices and experiences from the Asian countries who already passed the peak of this crisis. There is some security for those of us with the right residency permits, to fall into a shadow of the dwindling welfare state’s social net that is still catching many who end up not being able to work with special measures for freelancers. Yes, it is weird how they conjured up all that money to give to the people not working right now. Since that kind of money is just there, then why can’t we just get the basic income? No matter how wealthy this country is, our government refuses to support the southern European states. Ikke ikke ikke en de rest kan stikken, or me me me and the rest can choke. Another crisis, another selfish response from the stupid people in power.

The prime minister and his liberal party is gaining support, even my mother who despises the party thinks he’s doing well. I haven’t watched any of his press conferences, cannot stand their voices speaking with those potatoes in their throats. They’re still just fascists to me, hiding under their polite smiles, saying suddenly there is a society, while they built for no such thing. Their hypocritical faces nauseate me, as they’re praising the health care workers whose budgets they’ve been cutting and cutting for years on end, as if they haven’t been exploiting all these “essential” workers of the world, these people they call low-skilled in normal times while they continue to break down them and the other workforce they depend on from our undocumented circuits. I haven’t heard anything about whether the Dutch state is still deporting refugees, in Germany at least last week they were still organizing flights to Iran for that. The family prison in Zeist, whose function is literally to keep the strangers locked up (vreemdelingen bewaring), remains open 24/7, although their services and hours may differ due to COVID-19. I wonder if they wear any masks or stopped sharing cells.

A few days ago, when I was biking through the city center after almost three weeks at home, I saw there were still shops open selling trinkets, clothes and chocolate. What’s essential next to food? The local feminist bookshop took to delivering and reading out loud online, the anarchist library opens a window for pick up on the weekends and set up a solidarity kitchen serving free food every day. Most of the food supply to the homeless people in the city is cut off. The municipality is championing the volunteers for picking up their slack, without acknowledging they are slacking when it comes to support the vulnerable groups. The shop that sells the wool I like is closed, so I’m making due with what I have left. My mother thinks I’m bored out of my mind and had a puzzle delivered to our apartment. At some point I picked up an audiobook and let myself disappear to a world with witches and dragons, feeling like a teenager again, while looping soft threads of wool with a hook to make a waffled scarf. What’s the English word for crochet? in French from croc means hook, from Dutch too it translates as hooking. What’s the word?

I don’t mind the at home life. Although it’s hard facing the demons of my administration, I think I’m skilling up in my reproductive work, yes, taking care and trying to find structure, tweaking my rhythm. We started making plans for food in advance, are cooking most days and doing the laundry regularly instead of it piling up for weeks. I’ve even been consistently picking up all the stuff I tend to leave behind me in trails. I’m up late, but sleep as long as I like. Anyhow, it’s not a bad thing to slow down, it’s been a revolutionary cry for almost a century, because slowing down is a strategy to resist, refuse, rattle and collapse this sick system we live under. I wouldn’t mind to keep this part of how the virus has affected me, giving me time to rest and reflect when I thought I didn’t need it.

Now, I’ll have to think about work again, but since I don’t need the money, I promised myself to take things easy for a while. In the first week of isolation, I rearranged our guest room to make another place to work aside from the living room table. It’s not finished yet, because the table needs screws and also extra shelves would be nice. I want to go buy those things, but don’t want to go to the construction market and line up with all those other people. Infections are rising and we don’t have enough tests and beds for all those people that are going to get sick. So far, it’s mostly the south struggling and there are still beds in the north.

Better don’t risk contamination before things are past the peak. Patience never hurt anyone.

5 april, Utrecht

[togetherinsolitude]

...impossible, because a part torn out from the whole can not be made the whole, nor can it be understood apart from the whole.

Alexander Bogdanov, Essays in Tektology: The General Science of Organization (1984)

[togetherinsolitude]

Mendukung solidaritas internasional untuk penanganan #COVID-19. ㅤㅤ Selama ini, polarisasi politik dan ekonomi global hingga batas-batas imajiner yang kita sebut negara telah berhasil memisah-misahkan masyarakat dunia. Kita hidup dalam "petak" masing-masing dengan enggan melongok pada kehidupan di "petak" yang lainnya. ㅤㅤ Akan tetapi, keadaan akhir-akhir ini yang sama-sama membahayakan hidup semua orang mulai membuat kita sadar bahwa semuanya saling terkoneksi, bahwa spesies kita sungguh merupakan makhluk sosial. Maka mengingkari kebutuhan kita akan orang lain sama artinya dengan mengingkari eksistensi kita sebagai manusia. ㅤㅤ Oleh karenanya, dalam menghadapi #COVID-19 yang persebarannya tak mengenal batas antarbangsa ini perlu disikapi dengan suatu solidaritas yang juga tak mengenal sekat apa pun. ㅤㅤ Untuk itu, kami sungguh mendukung terbentuknya suatu kooperasi yang dibangun bukan atas dasar filantropi belaka, melainkan kepekaan atas penderitaan yang sama. Suatu kerja bersama yang dibangun dengan menempatkan kemanusiaan sebagai prioritasnya dan tentu saja bebas dari kepentingan politik praktis. ㅤㅤ Kami mendorong munculnya inisiatif bermodalkan solidaritas transnasional. Di mana semua individu atau kolektif mana pun dapat berpartisipasi dalam prosesnya. Di mana setiap orang dapat mengambil perannya masing-masing. Sebab kita tahu, tak ada satu pun yang akan selamat sebelum kita semua selamat.

[togetherinsolitude]

Mereka yang Tak Bisa di Rumah Aja, Mereka yang Tak Punya Rumah

Ketika saya bertanya kepada orang-orang yang saya temui, baik secara langsung atau pun via daring, tidak ada satu pun dari mereka yang tidak geram dengan wabah yang menggegerkan dunia dalam beberapa bulan terakhir ini. Tidak hanya kesehatan fisik, dampak dari Covid-19 ini juga menyentuh sektor perekonomian di berbagai kalangan profesi. Terlebih dampak ini sangat terasa di kalangan masyarakat kelas bawah, mulai dari para pemilik usaha mikro, buruh, hingga tukang becak, tukang rosok, juga pemulung.

Sebagai seorang mahasiswa di salah satu universitas di Jogja, saya juga merasakan langsung dampak dari wabah ini. Saya dan teman-teman mahasiswa tidak bisa berkuliah seperti biasanya karena semua mata perkuliahan dilaksanakan via daring. Di tanah perantauan ini saya mengalami dilema, antara pulang dengan membawa rasa khawatir dan takut mengangkut virus atau tetap berdiam di Jogja dengan kondisi bekal hidup yang kian menipis. Dengan berbagai pertimbangan, saya akhirnya memutuskan untuk tetap tinggal di Jogja dan bergabung dengan gerakan-gerakan sosial melawan Covid-19. Kami biasa menyebut gerakan-gerkan sosial seperti ini dengan sebutan gerakan #rakyatbanturakyat.

Setelah kurang lebih 18 hari tergabung dalam gerakan “Relawan UMKM Cegah Corona” bersama teman-teman saya; Obed Kresna, Ilham, Galih, Fikri, dan lain-lainnya yang bertugas membagi-bagikan hand sanitizer, sabun, dan juga disinfektan, saya juga bergabung dalam gerakan Solidaritas Pangan Jogja atau SPJ. Gerakan SPJ ini berperan semampunya dalam membantu ketahanan pangan kelas paling rentan seperti para tukang becak, penjual putu, dan para pemulung, yang mau tidak mau mereka terpaksa harus mengabaikan imbauan untuk #dirumahaja demi bisa mendapatkan sesuap nasi.

Dari dekat, saya benar-benar mendengar keluhan sekaligus semangat mereka dalam bertahan hidup. Bagaimana bisa para tukang becak yang tidak dapat tarikan selama tiga minggu, tetapi tetap pandai tersenyum dan mangkal demi menunggu orang-orang yang membagikan nasi bungkus kepada mereka? Bagaimana bisa para penjual jajanan kecilan di pinggir jalan tetap bisa tersenyum menjajakan jajanannya, meskipun jalanan dipenuhi dengan kesepian? Bagaimana bisa para pemulung mendapatkan hasil pungutan plastik, kardus, dan botol jika banyak toko yang tutup? Bagaimana bisa mereka bisa tetap #dirumahaja sementara tak jarang dari mereka yang tak punya rumah? Bisa disimpulkan bahwa di tengah masa-masa yang sulit ini mereka adalah kelompok yang sangat rentan terhadap virus ini.

Pada satu malam, saya dan teman saya, Josardi, berjalan-jalan mengelilingi ruas-ruas jalan di sekitaran UGM, UNY, Gejayan, dan UIN. Bukan tanpa maksud, kami keluar dari kamar indekos hanya untuk memetakan lokasi di mana teman-teman pemulung dan para tukang becak itu bermalam dan bertahan hidup. Gunanya untuk membaca dan menitik lokasi-lokasi mereka agar ketika siang harinya saat kami dan teman-teman SPJ berbagi nasi bisa langsung bertemu mereka. Tidak hanya satu dua, kami banyak menemui mereka di pinggir jalan, terlihat kelelahan. Ada juga ibu-ibu yang mendorong gerobak penuh rongsok dan di atas gunung rongsoknya ada seorang anak kecil yang tersenyum lucu dan menggemaskan.

Setelah berkeliling satu jam, kami memutuskan untuk menghampiri tiga lelaki hebat dengan dua sepeda dan satu gerobak sampahnya. Mereka bernama Pak Opal, Mas Joko, dan Mas Rohim. Di trotoar bawah lampu jalan yang kuning itu kami berbagi cerita. Saya mendengar tentang penghasilan mereka yang berada di kisaran 30-40 ribu di hari-hari biasa. Dan pada masa-masa pandemi yang sulit ini, mereka hanya bisa mendapatkan maksimal 20 ribu per hari, itu pun sudah sangat mentok, dalam bahasa Jawanya ngoyo. 

Sampah kardus yang dihargai Rp1.500/kg, sampah botol plastik yang dihargai Rp1.200/kg, dan sampah plastik campur yang dihargai Rp800/kg, bagi saya sudah sangat tidak cukup untuk menghidupi pangan mereka. Harga barang rongsokan yang merosot 60% ini benar-benar membuat mereka kian mengalami masa-masa sulit ini. Itu pun kalau para pembeli rongsoknya buka, karena akhir-akhir ini hampir semua tutup.

Di tengah obrolan kami yang penuh dengan cerita menyedihkan dan juga canda tawa yang seringkali terselip, mata saya terpanah dengan tulisan yang ada di dua sisi gerobak mas Joko. Gerobak itu bertuliskan “Berkah Dalem” dan “Mazmur 23 Kekal” yang merupakan salah satu nama surat dalam kitab suci Injil. Ketika saya bertanya tentang siapa yang menulis, mas Joko menjawab dengan agak malu-malu, “Saya sendiri, Mas, yang nulis. Pakai tangan itu kuasnya, pakai sisa-sisa cat”. Sambil menghabiskan makan yang mereka dapatkan dari relawan gerakan lain malam itu, dia juga mempersilakan saya untuk memfoto gerobaknya setelah tahu kalau saya terkagum dengan tulisan itu.

“Gak papa, mas?” tanyaku. Dia jawab, “Wo ya gakpapa, Mas. Silakan difoto. Di sisi yang sana juga ada, tulisannya sama.” Akhirnya saya foto dua sisi tersebut. Malam itu saya benar-benar terpukul dan merasa sering kurang bersyukur. Dengan segenap kebahagiaannya dia mempersilakan saya mengambil gambar tanpa ada rasa malu, karena beberapa dari kita terkadang malu ketika pekerjaan kita tak seberuntung orang-orang kaya. 

Saya jadi teringat Pramoedya pernah berkata, “Setiap orang yang bekerja adalah mulia”. Dengan segala kepandaian bersyukurnya, saya benar-benr terkagum dengan cara dia berpedoman dan bersyukur terhadap keyakinannya dengan mencantumkan nama kitab Mazmur beserta bab 23-nya. Sungguh ini sangat berat bagi orang lain yang tak setangguh mereka.

Ketika diajak bicara tentang Covid-19, mereka juga paham tentang konsekuensi mereka dengan tetap bekerja. Mereka juga menjaga kebersihan tubuh mereka semampu mereka. Nampak juga botol hand sanitizer yang kemarin mereka terima dari gerakan saya, Obed, Fikri, Ilham, Dholi dan teman-teman lainnya di relawan UMKM Cegah Corona. Setelah itu, Josardi bertanya tentang riwayat sakit mereka dengan tujuan memudahkan pendataan agar teman-teman SPJ bisa menyuplai vitamin dan kebutuhan kesehatan mendasar bagi mereka. Lagi-lagi membuat kami terkagum, mereka menjawab, “Wah malah nggak pernah sakit, Mas. Lha wong hati kita selalu bahagia, hahaha” susul tawa bahagia mereka. 

Malam itu mereka benar-benar mendidik kami. Kami mendapat pelajaran baru bahwa salah satu kunci dari tubuh yang sehat adalah hati yang selalu bahagia, hati yang selalu bersih dan penuh rasa syukur kepada Yang Maha Kuasa. Kami tak tau harus membicarakan apa lagi malam itu.

Situasi malam itu membuat saya semakin miris dan malu karena hidup di tengah lingkungan yang terkadang dari kita masih menganggap bahwa mereka hanya sebatas gelandangan tanpa rumah. Bahkan secara lebih kejam terkadang kita menganggap mereka hanyalah sebatas gelandangan yang sering mengotori pemandangan kota. Ketika kemanusiaan lebih rendah nilainya ketimbang pemandangan kota, hati saya bertanya, “Apakah ini layak untuk mereka? Apakah kita masih layak menyebut diri kita manusia?” 

Dan ketika saya berpikir lebih tentang dasar-dasar sebuah negara, apakah pantas kita menggunakan diksi “dipelihara” untuk mereka? Sebagaimana kita ketahui bersama, hukum positif kita berbicara, “Fakir miskin dan anak-anak terlantar dipelihara oleh negara.” Ah sudahlah, saya tidak bisa berharap lebih banyak tentang sebuah diksi. Saya hanya bisa berharap semoga mereka benar-benar mendapatkan pertanggungjawaban dari negara. Dalam kesempatan kali ini saya hanya ingin mengajak kita untuk merenungkan bahwa mereka adalah manusia bermartabat, bukan hewan peliharaan. Jawabannya bagaimana, mari kita renungkan bersama-sama.

Akhirnya, setelah kurang lebih satu jam kami berbagi cerita di trotoar dekat Fakultas Teknik UNY, kami pun pamit bergegas pulang. Begitu juga dengan mereka, Mereka mengayuh sepeda dan mendorong gerobaknya untuk pulang. Bukan menuju rumah tentunya, melainkan menuju trotoar samping Selokan Mataram di sekitaran MM UGM, tempat mereka—dengan penuh rasa syukur—melelapkan tubuh lelah mereka.

Teruntuk Pak Opal, Mas Joko, dan Mas Rohim, terima kasih banyak sudah mendidik kami. Salam hangat dan sehat selalu dari dua muridmu, Lutfi dan Josardi.

Yogyakarta. 04 April 2020.

[togetherinsolitude]

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Selama masa pandemi, aku memiliki privilese untuk tetap bekerja di rumah. Ini membolehkanku untuk menghabiskan banyak waktu menonton liputan mengenai Covid-19. Baik dari kanal kantor berita internasional, konferensi pers negara maju dan negara berkembang, sketch komedi British, hingga pemuka agama. Adikku sering mengeluh mengapa tidak ada berita baik di masa-masa seperti ini. Meskipun sekolahnya semi-militer, namun rasa takut matinya tinggi juga.

Ku ulangi lagi klise ‘’pandemi ini telah memperlihatkan bagaimana wajah sebuah pemerintahan’’. Sudah banyak sekali media hingga teman dekat yang menulis tentang rendahnya kualitas Indonesia dalam menghadapi Covid-19. Aku sebelumnya berniat untuk menyumpah di kalimat ini, namun tidak jadi. Begitu pula pada kalimat ini.

Pidato pemangku kebijakan akhir-akhir ini begitu menyebalkan. Sejak sebulan lalu kita sama sama menyaksikan penyangkalan dan pengerdilan atas ancaman virus Corona. Mereka bermain peran serupa tabib gadungan yang merasa ramuan dan wejangannya lebih mujarab dari pedagang obat pasar malam mana pun. Menonton berita atau memantau media sosial menjadi begitu melelahkan. Separuh nasi yang aku dan kalian makan habis menjadi umpatan.

Aku ingin memastikan bahwa kalian memahami apa yang kumaksud dengan tabib keliling. (Cek di google dengan kata kunci “Atraksi Tukang Obat Keliling”). Kau tahu kan? Biasanya pedagang obat ini mengadakan showcase dan menawarkan ramuan dan menunjukkan jurus saktinya seperti; mengubah ikat pinggang atau tali rafia menjadi ular, kebal sayatan golok, dan aneka atraksi ekstrim lainnya. Aksi mereka biasanya berdurasi panjang, bertele-tele, namun bisa menarik perhatian warga yang lewat. Cukup aneh.

Di balik itu semua, tahukah kalian tentang rahasia umum tentang atraksi tabib keliling yang berkerumun itu?

Banyak cerita bahwa minyak gosok yang mereka jual tidak membuat kita sembuh dari penyakit, tidak kebal golok. Ada berita yang lain mengabarkan bahwa obat gosok tersebut adalah campuran minyak kayu putih. Di kerumunan ramai para penonton juga biasanya terdapat copet-copet yang bekerja dengan mudah, thanks to tabib cum MC cum penggeser perhatian. Banyak dari mereka (copet) yang bersekongkol dengan tukang obat atau tidak yang bergerilya di sana.

Mungkin secara sengaja atau tidak sengaja pemerintah kita belajar banyak dari tabib keliling tersebut. Alih-alih memberikan penawar, mereka mendagang obat yang tidak manjur dengan dongeng ndaksong (ndakik-ndakik kosong). Dan ketika kita menagih janji untuk menyembuhkan, ia mangkir dari tanggung jawab. Si tukang obat juga mengaburkan perhatian masyarakat, lalu kemudian komplotan copetnya beraksi meloloskan undang-undang korup di tengah pandemi. Kita kecolongan banyak hal; darurat sipil, Omnibus Law, tanggung jawab negara, dan kebobrokan lain yang mengingatkan tentang sistem hukum kita yang senantiasa tumpul ke atas.

Oh iya, tentang klip itu.

Pidato Pak Presiden tersebut begitu somber dan nihil percaya diri. Mengingatkanku pada Murray Ostril dan dongengnya tentang Coney Island. Kukira akan sama vibe surem dan ketidakberdayaannya.

Semenjak swaisolasi, aku kembali menghidupkan kegiatan bengang-bengong. Aku rasa kalian juga sedang getol melakukan hal yang sama. atau mungkin lebih iseng lagi dengan menantikan kebijakan apa yang bisa membuat (paling tidak sedikit) husnudzon kepada negara.

Huft, orang terkutuk macam apa kau dan aku?

Bekasi. 4 April 2020.

I.

[togetherinsolitude]

During my run today I followed the usual route through my neighbourhood to the botanical gardens, then south to Rushcutters Bay, along the water. The police were patrolling and dispersing groups or slowly driving through streets being intimidating. We are all supposed to be at least 1.5 meters away from each other. If not, we can be fined. Tonight, the government announced that groups of more than two people are banned.      We have begun to think about vectors. I fear the elevator buttons. How many others have touched it, where have their fingers been, did they wash? What about the doorknob of my building? Every tenant has touched it. Where have they all been, how many surfaces have they touched? Every neighbour has an unknown geography. We are made up of the surfaces and buttons and handles we connect with. When C went shopping today she could only think of how every item in the store had been touched by someone else who had spent their day touching other things touched by others. Normally it’s what we do, it’s what being human is, moving through places touching things.      C has asthma. If she gets sick it is likely her lungs will fill with fluid and she would drown. So we are being cautious, we cook a lot, read, work from kitchen tables instead of offices.      A runny nose, sneezing, my neck feels weird, is it the virus?    We’ve talked about death. Where do you want your ashes spread? Wherever my friends and family want me. After I’m dead it won’t matter to me, my ashes aren’t for me, they are for the living.    I feel embarrassed by how little I understand the economy. Isn’t it our duty?    I wonder what it means that everyone can stop working in a society. How does the government pay their wages? Where does the money come from? Is it actual money?    I picture it like this: The government has a massive underground vault of money. They have been storing cash for years just in case there is a crisis. Then coronavirus happens, they open the vaults and give the money to workers and employers. When the crisis is over they will close the vault back up, we’ll all go back to work, and the vault will be re-filled with money.    This is not how it works. There is no vault, governments don’t have savings, not billions, anyway. They have promises, contracts. The way that modern governments work is by promising to redistribute taxes and profits. They don’t have cash or very little of it, they can allocate and re-allocate capital, and make promises about future spending.    When people stop working and the government pays their wages, landlords, and forgives debts for a time, what contracts are being made on our behalf that we will have to pay off in the future? Are we not indebting ourselves to a future that we don’t get to have a say in? Are we being locked into a course of action we didn’t choose or get a say in?    Some people have seen this crisis as proof that economics is magic, it’s all made up, money is fake. How can a government produce billions of dollars or pounds just like that, out of thin air? There is no doubt that we are living through what months ago seemed impossible. The radical transformation of society is magic. But it is not that money is fake. We don’t yet know what the promises are, what our governments have committed us to repay in the future with our work.    There is a sense that when the crisis ends everything will return to normal. We will all go back to work at the same jobs, continue to mine coal and oil from the ground, burn it in factories to make more stuff that people will buy in shops with the money they made from all the stuff they dug out of the ground. It will be business as usual except there will be lots of debts to pay off. Isn’t that a kind of magical thinking, that we’ll just return to normal.    What this reinforces for me is just how easy a revolutionary transformation of society is. It also reminds me of the effort that people will go to avoid just such a change. Societies will want to return to the same old model of production, growth, and consumption, that has driven post-war politics and economics. The same old capitalism will prevail and people (who profit from it) will say that it is inevitable, there is no other option.      In Indonesia, things will be different. Nothing will change. Everything will continue more or less as usual. Infected people will be sacrificed. The elderly poor will not be protected. Everyone knows who is responsible for this mayhem, the rotten civil service, limp health care system. We know it is because the oligarchs in Jakarta have stolen the wealth that should have been invested in people, infrastructure, and caring for their health. It is their fault that devastating numbers of people will die. The question is, will it result in widespread resentment leading to unrest? I sense that there won’t be enough consensus over who is accountable for the government’s failure. Without that consensus, there will be widespread misery but no effective action. Religious institutions are so successful at manipulating the perception that the real causes of the failure of the state remain obscured. Because of this, there will be no effective action to transform them. In its place, misery will prevail, and so will the imams that promise access to paradise. Nothing will change.      If it has done anything, the coronavirus has exposed how we organize society with rare clarity. It has also revealed that the way it is organized may or may not be permanent.    Sydney. Mar 30, 2020. A. B.

[togetherinsolitude]

On the contrary, by isolating myself I get to know myself better while I recognize my limits, and the need that involve me in a permanent search that would not be viable through isolation. I need the world as the world needs me. Isolation can only make sense when, instead of rejecting communion, it confirms it as a moment of its existence.

Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Heart (2000)

[togetherinsolitude]

While I am physically alone proves that I understand the essentiality of to be with. It is interesting for me to think now how important, even indispensable, it is to be with.

Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Heart (2000)