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[sigh]
why is it so hard to live with roommates? i look forward to the day i can live all by my lonesome.
two weeks full of firsts.
the last two times i've sat down to write, i have gotten distracted by something or another, so its been a couple weeks.
its been a rather busy time. i've been working a full 40 hours at work (yay for new merchandise!).
we went swimming a couple weeks ago up at lucky peak and on our way home we were mesmerized by the massive lightning storm. the lightning was in every direction and it was a constant show of lights. it was incredible! i would've stayed up all night watching it if i didn't have to get up early the next morning.
last weekend i drove to seattle to see one of my very good friends, sara get married! it was a joyous occasion and a beautiful wedding, and i wish ben and sara a blessed marriage!
the following monday, christa, melissa and i drove downtown to see the civil wars perform at the egyptian theatre. it was a great show and we got to meet john paul and joy afterwards. i recorded almost all the songs and posted them on youtube for everyone to enjoy over and over and over again! i am no editor, so they are just the raw material.
on thursday i took the shipment team and mike (our boss) to pierce park greens to have a go at golfing! we had a great time, at those 9 holes, even getting passed a couple times by the more experienced. mike was the only one who knew what he was doing, so it was a good thing he was there or we would have been there all night trying to get those balls in the hole! i even got pooped on by a flying friend.
as for ywam, they still have not received all my paperwork so tomorrow i will be remailing some documents and hopefully by next week they will have them. hopefully.
shadowboxes, csi, and ministry.
at the begining of last week, i felt like i had quite a productive week.
on saturday i decided that i wanted to make a shadowbox end table to put my sand dollars and shells in that i acquired from washington. the week before i had scoped out shadowboxes, but i couldn't really find what i wanted. so off to the home depot melissa, christa, and i went. we decided it would be a good project to make our own table. so we asked an employee, we spent a few hours deciding what the heck we wanted and i charged my credit card.
when we got home, we looked at the pieces and thought to ourselves, how do we know which angle to cut these? (because we wanted the pieces to fit nicely together, we knew we had to cut at a 45 degree angle). after doing some science, we finally figured it out and began cutting/nailing/glueing the box together. it was quite nice and we felt like real women.
the next day, after church, (which i was finally able to attend because i wasn't working!), christa and i began nailing the legs on (screws would have been better, but you know in a house full of gals, we don't have a drill). i almost decided not to paint the table because i liked how the wood looked!
finished!
on monday i was woken up by christa saying that our cars got broken into. well, not broken, because the doors were unlocked. lisa had her id stolen, melissa her ipod charger, and me, well they took my glow sticks. lisa called the cops (for others in the neighborhood also had the same problem) and the officer was there promptly. after talking to us all, he began finger printing our doors. he had a csi kit and all! it was quite the morning!
on wednesday i went to primary health (i had to ask around where the heck to find a doctor that would take walk ins), and i got my physical so i could mail off the last part of my dts application. it was cheaper than i thought, and i learned that my vision in my right eye is worse than my left, but they are still good. i should here in a couple weeks from ywam on my status!
the rest of the week consisted of full days at work and by saturday i was beat. that night i got some news and it put me in a foul mood until the next day (yesterday). my boss could tell something was up and after talking with him a bit i felt a little better.
lately, i've been thinking a lot about how much i appreciate my boss. his door is always open, and he really cares about how i am as a person and how i am growing as a leader. he wants to see me succeed. he wants me to be the best i can be. i never imagined that i would care as much as i do for him. i just pray that it goes both ways, that i am doing my part too. i really feel like i am playing some pivotal role in his spiritual growth, that perhaps i'm watering or planting or weeding his seed for Christ. i think that not only am i there, as a merch specialist to grow as a leader but also to help him. he is my ministry right now.
there is a person in my life that says they worry for me as someone going into missions because they don't see me at the church all the time (they didn't know me in seattle!), they don't see me as a christian. when i was a teenager, i didn't understand most of the people at my church, i thought to myself 'why aren't they super involved in the church like me?'. it took me years to realize that they aren't wrong, they aren't 'bad' christians. their work, their kids, there other aspects of life are their ministry. you don't have to be at church everyday. you don't have to help with every ministry you can. thats a sure lie. my ministry right now is at work, working side by side with several people who don't know Jesus at all. being a good influence. using positive language. being encouraging. talking about Christ. God doesn't look at 'all the things i do in church'. He's looking at who i am impacting. He's looking at my effort. He's looking at my willing spirit.
possibilities, road trips, and abandoned towns.
quite a while it has been. every time i consider writing, i get bogged down with the thought of explaining what has been happening in my life. my ever moving, most exciting, thrilling life, yeah?
in reality, not much has happened. i have the same job. i eat the same food. i live with the same people.
but there have been a couple things worth mentioning;
uno- melissa and christa went to ireland for spring break and they talked a bit about me with the ywam staff. they were able to give me an email for a dts in rostrevor (a place they visited and said i would love), and i have now applied for their compassion/justice dts in november of this year. i have still to get a doctors check-up (which without insurance will cost me more than 12 bucks (oh how i miss my mothers insurance)), and then once they receive that, its off to the leaders for consideration. fingers crossed that this might be an open door.
dos- ive been emailing team expansion people and it looks like they are planning a short trip to ireland next summer to check out options. they are planning on calling me soon to talk more about their ideas. though this is a possibility, i feel like its way too far out right now, and dts is a better option. but we will see, perhaps God wants me to wait another year before going. who knows.
tres- i went to moses lake washington with christa for a weekend this month. it was really nice to spend time with her dads side of the family (you know i love meeting parents!). her grandparents have chickens, and horses, i was very excited about that because ive been intrigued with the idea of having small animals in my yard to provide a little substance (such as eggs!). i also have direly been wanting to ride a horse (i was too scared to ask). since ive only ever seen ml from i-90, i didnt know there was a pretty side to the area. her family owns lake front property and i was so jealous that her cousins get to live right next to a beautiful lake!
quatro-on the way to ml, we decided to check out lime oregon, and let me tell you its a freaky place! we got some real bad feelings from certain rooms in those buildings. but the images were beautiful, i thought.
nasty things coming out of pipes...
cinco- last week, melsa, christa, jess and i finally went on our long planned olympic peninsula road trip! we spent a whole week living in a tent and hiking all around the beaches and rainforests of the area. ive always thought it was the most beautiful place in all of the u.s. and i stick with that statement! i loved every day of that week. everywhere i looked i saw Gods beautiful creation and every day i thanked Him for it! i had trouble getting the right settings for my camera, its just so dang finicky, so i am not impressed with my photos. they just dont give the place justice. the lighting isnt correct. i didnt get the billion of pictures i wanted to use as desktop pics. but i will survive. i know it exists. and im sure ill be back some day, and ill do better with it.
so that is the last couple months in a nut shell. my goal is to try harder at writing, and if i keep up, it really doesnt take that much time to get it out of my brain!
left to wonder the sciences of the brain and soul.
these last few weeks, anytime ive been home ive felt this immense sense of restlessness. i feel as though im wasting my time, that there has got to be something better that i can do. [ive been reading and watching a lot of movies.] i wish that everyday i could be outside somewhere taking in God's beauty, discovering new places. i really wish i could do much more of that. but in reality i just cant do that, because i do not have the means. [these types of adventures take mucho petrol.] so here i am, in my house, staring at the sunlight that finds its way into my room...
have you ever heard someone say 'when that person looks at me, i feel as though they are staring directly into my soul.'? ive heard this plenty of times, but its never come out of my own mouth. until last week. i was minding my own business at work (i actually had my own time to get the things i needed done without worrying about customers and being called to jump on the register or run clothes.) one of my shipment team crew, finished his work early and was told to help me with whatever i was doing. now ive been working 3 weeks with this person and never felt this [presence? emotion? gesture?] before, so it was very surprising. i didnt really know how to feel. but after he left, i was left wondering. does he (and others) know they can do that? are they really staring into your soul or is it just a human glitch that our brains mess with? is it something they can shut on or off? or is it just my imagination?
someday maybe ill ask these questions.
the day after next (thursday), the shipment team are going to come over to my place and we will proceed to have a movie night. they all seem to really enjoy movies (though probably not as obsessive as myself), and this will be our first 'outing' together. i am thoroughly excited and hope it exceeds my expectations (that perhaps no one will actually decide to show). maybe then ill be able to feel what michael scott goes through every week. [my pessimistic side shows today]
here are some of my pictures from last week (mostly the little outing i took on sunday).
i made some cookies based on a recipe from joshua james blog.
it was a day of my perfect weather.
i decided a walk needed to happen. i discovered some beautiful places in nearby neighborhoods.
i always look at this dirt road and wish i had the guts to disobey a sign that tells me not to go there. what lies at the end of such a road?
this is idaho to me. dreary and brown.
they have an easter service up there every year.
this truck did not smell too pretty...
i got her/him to look at me!
a nice little farm in oregon right off the freeway.
mr pig!
a valley a farms...somewhere out there i live...
hell week with a touch of happiness. may the happiness outlast the week.
today has been both beautiful and frustrating.
frustrating because at work it is moves/new product week. this means that just about everything in the store, fixtures and all has to be moved to a certain spot. the problem is that the ON i work at isnt the same layout as others and therefor my boss, has to make maps that tell us where everything is going. this works well until there is an item that isnt in our book (that tells us where everything goes). and it just so happens, there have been lots of these items. our store also doesnt have the same fixtures as others so we dont have the ability to place things exactly where they should be, we have to come up with our own plan. sound easy? its not! we are told we are doing good for first-timers but i get the feeling they are just being nice.
to add to that, all of our new womens product has come in as well. and putting out new product takes a much longer time than putting out replenishment merch. for each item i have to look up its number and place within the book and maps given. that is no simple feat! because then, there usually is something that is already in that spot, that we have to find a new spot for. its a vicious cycle! the last two days, nicole and i have been so stressed because we didnt finish putting out the product in our allotted time...so we feel like horrible employees.
hopefully, by the next new line, we will have it down and be able to accomplish all of our duties!
on the bright side of the day, when i left the house, at 6 this morning it was 53 degrees out. it seems spring has finally come to boise! our shipment team decided when we got off work that we would do something together. our first outing! i wish i had my camera to document it. we decided a dollar movie sounded good, so we saw the eagle (nothing great, nothing bad) and then ate lunch at jades chopsticks, a little chinese place next door to the theatre. the weather is great (67!), i was around good people, good food and we made a good long list of activities we will do together this summer. thank you shipment team for making my day SO much better!
now, i will catch up on my reading. its been a long while since i sat down with a good book.
an unscratchable itch. the deceiver slithers his way into my mind once again.
after 3 weeks, i finally had a sunday off. its hard for me to miss church, especially for work. so it was really nice to be back at ccc this morning. i really enjoy the atmosphere there, it reminds me of normandy (my home church in seattle). i sure hope that my schedule stays the same as this week for a while but if it doesnt ill have to start looking for a church that has friday or saturday night services. i really dont want to do that though.
christa and melissa arrived safely in belfast today. i really hope that their week goes well for them and it doesnt scare them out of wanting to live there in a years time! the last couple of weeks have been hard on my mind, with them going to ie and with courtney (my roommate when i was in africa) in australia. those two countries are the two places i most want to be. of course i am excited and happy for them but that doesnt mean i dont wish i was there too. my desire to be abroad is like an unscratchable itch. it never goes away. it never fades. it only gets stronger.
today i was telling a lady that hasnt seen me since before africa about what i am doing now and i felt like a complete moron. a loser. a failure. ashamed. i feel this way about once a month, ever since the world race didnt happen. all these horrible thoughts and scenarios cloud my mind. and i know WHO they are from. ive read screwtape letters. ive felt many of those things that are talked about in it and I BELIEVE THEM TO BE TRUE...from THE DECEIVER. he is the father of all lies. he knows where the soft spots are. he uses them. tests you. where will she falter? when will it be too much? where is the point of no return?
BUT I MUST BE STRONG!
ive said this before and ill probably say it a million times more...patience. patience. patience. must it always be about patience?!
at this very moment i cant imagine anything better than being with aboriginal tribes in arnhem land. or chatting with some irish folk while others are dancing nearby. i can only see the tree right now...not the forest. i wish i could see the forest. i wish i could see why i need to be here right now. i wish i could see how long ill be here. i wish i knew the next step. i wish a lot of things right now.
'SUCK IT UP!'
i know, i know.
'make the best out of what you are doing now, where you are right now. remember jim elliot? "where ever you are, be all there. live to the hilt in every situation you believe to be the will of God" '
i know, i know...
i found a new (to me) song! i want it!
a solitary life she leads.
this week has been one of solitude and isolation. i have done absolutely nothing outside of work except to go to the grocery store.
i haven't really done this on purpose, but i think it was needed. every once in a while i just need to be separated from the human race to reflect and recoup. i prefer to do this within the company of millions of trees but living in southern idaho, thats not really possible. so i either hide in my room or take a walk. today i chose the latter.
on sunday, as soon as i got out of bed, i felt horribly ill. i tried to wait it out but 45 minutes until i was supposed to be at work, i knew there was no way i could make it. i called out and went back to bed. by the end of the day, and after several more hours of sleep, i was feeling better. christa's mum and aunt were in town for the weekend, so before everyone got back home, i chatted with them a while about everything from aging to hcg (christa's mum has also done it and kept the weight off.) i am sad that they couldnt stay longer with us.
i added quite a bit to my movie collection as well (so i guess i did go other places this week... :0) i added a couple necessities...sunshine and road to perdition. ive been waiting a LONG time to find these suckers. and i didnt have to pay an a-load to get my hands on them.
on the work front, we have started receiving shipments tuesday-wednesday-thursday. on those days i get off at 3:30. thats a great time, because i can still run errands if needed and etc. MY problem is all i want to do is go straight to bed. but i cant do that, because then i wont sleep later in the night when i really need it. i need to find a solution to this problem. what should i spend my time doing for 5 hours besides reading or watching a movie (because these also tend me make me drowsy). i must find a remedy.
lastly, i need a new organization situation for my closet. the current compartment i use (one of those folding/hanging things) has become too small and problematic. i am VERY tempted to purchase another of those plastic drawer things. i LIKE those. or maybe i can find something even better. i will peruse the home furnishing departments very very soon...
here are my snapshots of my walk today...
shes coming back to life.
i wanted to capture it when it was frozen, but i never got around to it.
for some reason, i like the lighting on this...
im always attracted to these feet images...even though i hate feet. tell me why.
they would not let me get close. i wanted their friendship. bad.
i dont know who would...
more life...
thats all folks.
God made dirt and it don't hurt. though it may smell.
my body can tell that this is the first time in 3 years that ive worked full time. im sore as a babys bum! i thought the week went pretty well minus a little attitude from a couple of people. thursday was our first day on our own running shipment and it went super smoothly. it looks like we'll be having a new truck driver too. he's slow at moving the boxes, and we are still slow at removing them, so it worked out well to our advantage. we also spent a whole day cleaning up the back room, for it was a chaotic mess. we have SO many flip-flops. SO MANY. come buy them out!
ive dreamt about ON every night this week. i hate that i do that. i can not get away from work. i like to think about other things while im off the clock. maybe in time itll pass.
on wednesday, christa and melsa told me i should cut my hair, so i let mel hack away at it. (it did take a half hours worth of convincing.) a few years ago, i wouldnt even let a regular barber hack at my hair. i had no trust at their abilities. now i can let an amateur have at it. i really like it, even though its short. my hair was so dead from years worth of dye and bleach. i cant wait until its completely grown out (that is, the dye/bleach). ahh to have my natural colour back...
i have decided that before i get my next paycheck i must figure out what percentage of each one ill get from here on out that ill save. if i dont do this, knowing me, ill spend all of it and have wasted it all on needless items. this can not happen. i must start saving for ireland. i will be so mad at myself if i waste it. i must become a responsible adult!
lastly, i smell like dirt. from moving boxes today. it reminds me of my times building in mexico. its not a very pleasant smell. im glad you (who ever may happen upon this) can not smell blogs. maybe that will be the future. smelling through computers.
laziness destroys me. i must fight back.
today was my day off. ive done absolutely nothing except sleep, play snood, and watch movies. somehow every time i make the decision to go about my day in this way, i believe it will feel great. but by the end of the day, i feel like crap. its like giving birth. right after youve had a baby (so i hear) you say 'ill never do that again' yet 1.5 years later there you are again in the delivery room screaming at your beloved. why do we do this to ourselves? (i am not saying that being lazy is the same thing as delivering a baby.) why do we do the things that we know arent good? at least now ive pinpointed why i feel like crap, and can make an effort to prevent it...i must get OUT of the house!
while today was mostly lazy, i did organize my movies a little better. i do this by putting movies that have the same actors/actresses together. i learned today that i have quite a few movies with cate blanchett. she really is a great actress, and is in some of my favourite movies. im gonna need a new bookshelf soon to hold all my movies. and i refuse to take them out of their cases and put them into a cd case. I REFUSE!
today, i also remembered why i avoid anything that comes pre-packaged. BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. i also think that i may not be a big fan of chili anymore, at least none that arent homemade. i am very happy that tomorrow i will be able to buy real food. i dont know how i survived on boxed foods for 19 years. and i feel bad for my youngest brother, who has to still eat that junk. bleh.
on the positive side of the day, my friend and roommate when i was in africa, is in australia for the month (she went on a mission trip called the world race). i am jealous. 8 months ago, i thought id be there too. she posted some pictures of the aboriginal gals she will be working with. its makes me so excited for her, but yet makes my heart yearn. i SO badly wish i was abroad. i hate being stuck in the states. patience. patience. patience. (have you noticed this is something i lack?)
well, i must be off to bed. ive got an early day tomorrow.
alas. the day is done. sleep has come.
SO. day two of my new role at work has ended. i learned a lot yesterday, but today consisted of me doing what ive been doing for the last two years- replenishing, running, folding. i have to say that i was a little bummed. i know that i wont learn new things everyday, but i do get my hopes up. i forget that in the past, ive seen the specialists doing pretty much exactly the same thing as everyone else, when there are not moves or things needed to be fixed.
we had a managers meeting last night, and it was a great way to start the job. i was able to ask my questions and learn a little about what is expected from me on a day to day basis. it felt good, it always feels good to be someone in the loop. im a big fan.
today i learned that there is already something i need to be working on (not doing)...so i have to keep myself in check. its also nice having another co-worker who is in the same shoes as myself. this way i dont seem like a complete fool when i flounder!
tomorrow i have the day off to relax, and come up with my grocery list for wednesday! this week will be my LAST small paycheck. bwana asifiwe!
this last weekend, i missed my beloved joshua james in concert. thats what we get for being poor. :( maybe one day soon, he'll come to boise.
so instead of concert pictures, you will get random ones from my week.
sporting the bucks.
this is what happens when christa cooks...hehehe
i want this cat. but she is not mine to take.
this book will be my new best friend.
water does not drown out noise. nope.
i havent really had much inspiration to write of late. it bugs me. it makes me feel like im just wasting my life away, because if i was doing something with my life, wouldnt i have something to write about?
so i bought a noise machine last week to drown out the noise from those that sleep in the same house. i now have to go to bed early at least twice a week for shipment, which in itself isnt bad. its the part that everyone else is still up making noise.
last night, was a said night. i kept waking up, and turning the machine up because i could still hear the girls. i slept through my alarm because i didnt get enough sleep and therefore had a bad start to the day.
this cant happen. i have a much bigger responsibility now, and i definitely cant be late to work.
ill have to have a conversation with the gals about it. im the only light sleeper in the house, and ive done what i can to fix the problem. i hate bugging people about that stuff. i really do.
a few days ago, i bought a couple of movies at winco (for you know im a sucker for a good movie/price) and when i popped one in the next day, it did this weird pixally thing. ill be returning those. (im not very happy about it, because both those movies are on my 'must have' list)
there is a joshua concert this saturday, and i have a sore feeling that we wont be going. it makes me real sad.
lastly, its been a month now, since ive been waiting for my state return. im getting ticked off. i could use that money, since i had to PAY money this year to the irs. those thieves. like i had any money to SPARE with my part time job.
im not bitter, no.
a lack of energy to form any coherent thoughts.
a day at work. a night at wings. great music. great friends. great night.
time for bed! (its been a rather long week, and one to come as well.)
goodnight my tumblr friends.
shes saucy!
and so a new chapter begins.
it has been a busy week so writing has been almost impossible. i prefer sleep over blogging, when i know i have to get up early...which has been the case almost every day.
my boss went on vacation before telling us (interviewees) about who got the job. we were all super antsy at the beginning of the week. but then tuesday came...with a phone call. i had a pretty good idea what would happen, but i didnt know how the latter part (who would fill the newly open positions) would come about.
well let me tell you.
both the merchandising specialists got a pricing specialist job (our store and boises). and myself and another (the one i worked on the jean wall with) got their jobs! SCORE! ive been jumping up and down (figuratively and realistically) since.
so today nicole and i got to put the new product out ourselves, and golly it is time consuming! i spend 2 hours doing just HALF a shop! but its fun, because it is ever changing. i think thats one of the reasons while ill really enjoy this job. oh and because ill never have to worry about money/paying bills again.
the catch is that ill have to get up real early, at least twice a week. which means ill need earplugs because ill being going to bed early and no one in the house will likely be as well. no more night owl for me.
and to celebrate this great announcement, i bought...clothes! i know, i know, i dont need them. but the money was already spent because when i returned my jeans to receive my employee discount (i bought some online because the store doesnt carry short), one of them rung back up as 97 cents! so i payed 12 bucks for two jeans and got 50 bucks back. so in turn, i bought 11 other things (stock up sale is on!) for just about the same price. i think i did well for myself.
so in other words, im starting a new chapter, new challenges, and a new salary! i am excited to see what comes about and learn how to be a better leader. ireland will come eventually...but now this is what ill be doing. patience. patience. patience.
:)
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Oh how I love being an employee. :)