Facebook reminded me that I posted this, on this day, nine years ago already. Still stands up, because this is the shit that holds most of us up if not attended to ongoing. And um, yeah, I still struggle with some of this stuff myself to this day. Progress, not perfection folks. Heed the words...
If a person consistently engages in any or all of the following; discontent and disillusionment will certainly arise and become a reality. Fair warningâŠ
1. Seeking approval from others.
This is natural, but only to a point. If approval-seeking dominates your life; do you really have life? Needing inordinate amounts of acceptance and validation from others indicates that you havenât yet given it to yourself. If we donât truly value ourselves first, no amount of accolades or approval from others will ever suffice.
2. Needing to be right.
This is a version of approval-seeking. Often, in an ill-fated effort to get respect, some will sacrifice personal contentment for perceived correctness. Being right becomes more important than doing whatâs right. At some point, usually later in life for most, we realize and accept the greater value of happiness versus justice; peace versus piety. Am I right?
3. Making small compromises.
Just as we all walk before we run; itâs the little things that always lead to the big things sooner or later. Cutting corners and little white lies add up until we find ourselves cornered in a black hole of life. Stunned, we wonder how we ever got here. Pro tip: if you have to be discreet; you probably shouldnât be doing it.
4. Living in the past.
We often romanticize the past, recreating it in our minds as something better than it really was. But it probably wasnât necessarily better, it was just different. It was a different time, with different circumstances, usually involving different people, sharing different life experiences. This escape to the âpast tenseâ sometimes produces past tension. On the other hand, you canât move on from something until youâve been there first. We need not run from, nor regret the past; simply respect it for what it was, and more importantly, who it has made us today.
5. Living in the future.
Rushing toward a future full of promise is another epidemic of the chronically unhappy. Planning and preparing for tomorrow is good and necessary for survival, but not at the expense of being present today. A better tomorrow can never really become a reality if today is side-stepped or skipped-over. Looking ahead cannot eclipse living in the here-and-now.
6. Over-indulging in substitutes.
Substitutes are any vice, device or distraction we use to be anywhere else but in the present moment, feeling the shit we donât like to feel. Substitutes provide temporary escapes from a sometimes uncomfortable or painful reality. It can be as simple as shopping or as debilitating as drug addiction. Not all escape mechanisms are âbad,â we just need to have awareness of them and use wisdom around them. Whatever the substitutes, just be conscious of the amount, frequency and motives behind their use, as well as the consequences produced from their use. Bad shit keeps happening when you do this or that? But you keep doing it anyway? Time to take a hard look at you, more so than it...
7. Going it alone.
Unhappy people are often solo-artists.They are those who rarely ask for help. Whether this âhelpâ is personal, professional, or spiritual in nature, they consistently reject assistance in most cases, most of the time. Theyâll often play the introversion card (one I carry with me as a matter of fact), and while that may be a fact for many, itâs still a slippery-slope. Itâs been written that âGod either is or he isnât.â This isnât about religion. But this may be about some kind of higher power that offers a person help, hope, and possibly even happiness (eventually). It makes little difference whether you prefer to describe this âhigher powerâ as a god, a group, diety, source, tradition, doorknob, or any other noun used to describe the indescribable; itâs an inside job. Most people at least acknowledge the possible existence of some sort of infinite presence in the world. Do we always recognize or understand this presence? Unlikely. Have we ever seen evidence of it in the lives of others or in our own lives at times? Most likely. Is it possible that thereâs more to know? Certainly. Dismissal, denial, and rejection often immediately precedes acceptance. You are not alone, nor do you have to go it alone. Itâs OK to ask for help. Itâs counter-intuitive for many, because asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not weakness.
Both happiness and unhappiness typically involve good habits to be harnessed, and bad habits to be broken. Both are learned, and can be unlearned.
âChallenge Whatâs Possible; Choose New Paths; Change Yourself; Change the World...â
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