Are You Tolerant? No Really, Are You Tolerant?
Several years ago -- more then I’d like to admit, my oldest son and I were out for a drive. He was an eight year old bundle of curiosity and a nonstop question asking machine and as we were driving he asked,
“Dad, what does tolerance mean?”
I remember being a bit taken aback because tolerance is such a sophisticated noun particularly for an eight year old boy. I had a weird sense of pride and surprise and it rattled through my cranium that I better give him an awesome definition.
I explained that a tolerant person accepts others for who they are, they permit others to have ideas and opinions that they might not agree with or believe in and they understand that people can make mistakes and a tolerant person is there to help and support, not ridicule and belittle.
I just gave you the short version because I remember blabbing on and on to him because I wanted to make sure he understood. He sat quietly until I finally paused for air then he said,
“Dad, can we go to McDonalds?”
I smiled and said, “Sure.”
The McDonald’s was just ahead and as I pulled up to the drive-thru window I quickly became embroiled in a mini traffic jam. It became apparent that an elderly woman, I estimate she was approximately 112 or so, was attempting to drive the opposite way through the drive-thru. This was no small feat because this particular drive-thru was of the type that had cement curbs that funneled the cars neatly around the back and side of the building in a counter clockwise fashion. The woman felt clockwise was the more appropriate route to traverse.
Oozing with self-importance, I decided that it was quite befitting of me to honk the horn while yelling condescending remarks her way,
“She has no business driving!”
“Old people should’t be allowed to drive!”
“We’re gonna be here all day because of her!”
I went on and on until very quietly, almost sheepishly, my eight year old son offered,
“Now would be a good time for some tolerance.”
It felt like someone threw a bucket of ice water into my self-important face. I shamefully smiled and told him he was right.
I recall a woman, likely the same age as me, getting out of her car and helping that elderly woman navigate out of the drive-thru. I SHOULD have been the one doing that instead of flailing away on my horn and blabbing away like a total imbecile.
My eight year old son taught me what tolerance meant.
Until then, I always thought I was a cool tolerant guy. I never denigrated a person because of their skin color or their sexual orientation or their religion but because of my eight year old son, I came to realize that tolerance is much more then that.
Tolerance isn’t a word or a practice that should be pulled out of a pocket when it benefits one self. Tolerance is a way of life and an attitude.
After the McDonald’s incident, I did some self examination and realized that I wasn’t as tolerant as I thought I was. If people inconvenienced me, I could be a real prick and furthermore I wasn’t always understanding when it came to other peoples needs or problems.
You know that old saying, Never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes? Well, I remember hearing that when I was a child but it never connected with me until my little boy tossed that bucket of ice water in my face.
Let’s face it, none of us are perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes -- HUGE mistakes but I hope people can understand and not disparage me because of them. Unfortunately I’ve had people look down upon me for the mistakes I’ve made. They have no clue what I was going through and what I was I dealing with on a personal level. Nor did they care. I did something stupid and they think I’m a jerk -- end of story.
They were judging me without walking a mile in my shoes. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve done the same to others.
If you pay attention, you’ll notice the lack of tolerance is all around us. It can be as simple as talking about someone behind their back to more major, obvious things such as middle school bullying and all out bigotry.
I struggle with tolerance everyday. It may be a sophisticated word but it shouldn’t be. It should be a way of life.
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