Incorrect Resident Evil

Things the Resident Evil characters probably didn't say

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Chris: I don't know, but this feels very dangerous. I have a bad feeling about this. Something is going to go wrong. Jill: And that is different from the other times how...?

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

"I'll remember" is the ADHD demon talking. You won't remember. Write it down.

Claire

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

I just want to do cool teenager stuff, like going to parties and arson.

Manuela

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Distant relative"? I assume you are referring to my father?

Wesker

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Claire: Were you and Ada kissing?

Leon: What? No, of course not!

Claire: Her lipstick is on your mouth.

Leon: Uh... we just happened to wear the same shade.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

He looks cool but if you shake him you can hear his solitary brain cell rattle around like the last bit of candy in a PEZ dispenser.

Hunnigan about Leon

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

All right, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Albert Wesker lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get my scientists to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Wesker

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Claire: I don’t think water makes you jittery.

Chris: It does if it’s laced with caffeine. You just drank 960 cups of coffee.

Claire: Oh, that esprains why I talk no butter. [Gasps] Me having stirk?

[Claire continues to chug coffee]

Chris: [Gasps] Why would you drink more?

Claire: My brain wants its fast juice.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Wesker: Why do people believe I’m incapable of doing anything nice?

Chris: Experience.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Ethan: Do you have any idea how crazy you are?

Heisenberg: You mean the nature of this conversation?

Ethan: I mean the nature of you.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Barry: We don't know how to kill this thing! Chris: I thought I might try violence. Jill: Solid call.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Salazar: Kennedy! We meet again! Leon: ...I just saw you three hours ago.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Wesker: Wind shall rise and fog descend, so leave here, all or meet your end! Ohohohoho! Jill: Chris? Comment? Chris: Very bad poetry. Jill: A more USEFUL comment, Chris.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

So many stairs. I’d like to fight whoever invented stairs. And push him down these stairs. Just to show him how stupid stairs are.

Leon, running around the police station

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Steve: …'cause you're pretty, and you're smart, and you're ignoring me, so you're obviously my type. Claire: *not paying attention* Claire: …I'm sorry, what were you saying? Steve: Perfect.

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

things have only gotten worse since i started making everything worse

Wesker

[totallycorrectresidentevil]

Leon: Is Claire always like this when she loses? Chris: Oh, yes. You should’ve been here for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2008. Claire: YOU BUMPED THE TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT!