It’s been almost two years, guys. I honestly didn’t even imagine myself coming back here again. But I do have my reasons…
I came back because I’m out of places to go and speak about my problems.
For starters, I’ve moved to San Diego already, in California. It’s better.
I’m a future US Navy sailor and that new chapter starts in two months time. So I’ll have to leave this again for a while, and I don’t even know if I could still come back…
For those who have been here since 2010-2012, I’ll have to break your hearts and let you guys know that I’m single now. We’re long gone, and I have fallen for someone else. I’m sorry. I fucked it up, but I can’t explain that anymore.
Although that someone, I’m afraid, is gone too. For reasons that I also cannot explain. No, I didn’t fuck it up. Honestly, it shouldn’t even have happened, and we never should have parted. But then again, it happened, we did.
I am still waiting for her to come back. It’s been 4 months already, but I still feel like there’s still a chance for everything to come back; for her to come back. It may sound stupid already, and I’ve been told that it’s pointless that I still fight for it, the fact that I’ve been replaced by someone else already. But what can I do, really? That’s just how I am, and I guess that’s just how much I love her.
We still talk, and once in a while we still see each other. Yes, it’s awkward. I always get that urge to hug her and hold her hand for some reason, even though it’s quite wrong at this point already. I don’t care, really. I’ve missed her, and seeing her again has proven me that nothing has changed. That my feelings for her are still there.
I guess it never really left. It was only her who left.
I’m honestly out of options already. Out of ways. Out of ideas. All I know is I still want her back, but I don’t know how to do it. How do you even fight for your love for someone when the person she’s with right now can give her the same amount of love that you can give? And probably more?
It’s fucking hard, really. It’s bullshit that all this really had to happen, when it really shouldn’t have… :(
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