I had gotten so used to being alone, but never entirely used to it. Never used to it enough to stop wanting the alternative.
David Levithan, “Every You, Every Me” (via hellanne)
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@touyanagashi
I had gotten so used to being alone, but never entirely used to it. Never used to it enough to stop wanting the alternative.
David Levithan, “Every You, Every Me” (via hellanne)
Just the Little Things
Touya sat up with a jolt, the pen he had been twirling absent-mindedly between his fingers clattering to the floor as some subtle sound snapped him to his senses. The living room window had been left ajar, allowing a cool summer breeze to filter through from the shady alleyway outside. It had been warm as of late, though at times an icy nip could be felt on the wind, as though it still clung to the sharp freshness of spring. Touya sighed as the draught rustled the papers on the shallow window ledge, moving to perch lightly beside them. The disorganised piles of paperwork that he had allowed to accumulate in recent weeks were hardly testament to to his usual neat ways, but it was summer now, and the long days of supposed freedom stretched out before him. He tried not to think about the vastness of it all, for the coming weeks of isolation within these four dreary walls was too overwhelming a thought to dwell on. Especially today.
Almost subconsciously, he found himself sorting through the piles of paper, flicking from page to page until he settled on a simple black and white printed calendar. It was no more than a list of dates really, used to keep track of university deadlines from time to time. Trailing down the one-sided sheet, his finger slowed around a small grid headed 'June', stopping then to circle the 23rd date. It was there that his hand hovered, eyes seeming to glaze over for a moment as his mind wandered back to exactly one year ago. Barely a minute had passed before he shuddered, forcibly changing his trail of thought to keep the unwanted memories at bay.
This would be his first away from that house, but he was thankful for it. Perhaps more thankful than he'd realized until now.
Reshuffling the paperwork into a neat pile, he set it down on a table in the centre of the room and made his way towards the kitchen. This was by far the most cramped area of his tiny apartment, and dark with it, the only light creeping in from a small window at the far end of the room. Still, it was enough.
There was a strangely contented glint in his eyes as he reached for the small plastic container that sat alone atop the tired work surface, opening it to reveal a single solitary cupcake. Nothing fancy of course, but the swirled pink icing and multicoloured sprinkles were enough to brighten any occasion.
With the sweet treat sitting in pride of place upon a simple white plate, Touya returned to the living room, a hint of concern flickering across his features as he gave a passing glance towards the front door. He relaxed quickly, barely hesitating before continuing on and falling back into the tattered armchair in the corner of the room. Nothing, but that was good. Nothing meant that he was safe, or perhaps forgotten altogether by now. Another year. He'd made it through another year, and, whether ignored or forgotten, that was something. There had been times when the thought of another twelve months in this life had been almost unbearable, but now it was met with nothing more than a sort of accustomed indifference. He could ask no more than that.
Sighing softly, Touya reclined further into the lumpy cushions of the old armchair. It may not be much, but it was home. At least for the time being. He admired the brightly coloured cupcake between his fingers for a moment, lips curling into the faintest hint of a smile before leaning in to take his first bite.
"Happy birthday, Touya."
Haggard at Best
Glancing sideways awkwardly as if certain he missed something, Kabuto cleared his throat before returning his gaze to the other young man, who really oughtn’t have dismissed that little talisman so hastily. Now Kabuto was curious, which never boded well for his inclination towards sensitivity—which was decidedly flawed in the first place.
He offered first, looking at the necklace that was so quickly tucked away, “It looks like some sort of…charm, correct? Surely you’re not superstitious? Or perhaps…” The next thought that occurred to him should have invoked more sensitivity, but Kabuto couldn’t help himself. “Perhaps an heirloom?”
There was a pause. He realized belatedly that he was staring a little too long at where the trinket had escaped the folds of its owner’s collar, like it was familiar in some way. No, not immediately familiar; it reminded him of something. He couldn’t place just what.
Shifting his bags in his hands, noting with chagrin that his palms were a little red, Kabuto came to terms with the fact that he might as well put them down for a moment, if he was going to talk to this stammering mess (by his standards, this was a charitable way to look at it, even if his motive was simple idle curiosity). Sighing, he placed them down for a moment and leaned against the side of the building the other young man had emerged from so suddenly. “You know, I don’t often strike up conversation with strangers,” he said, as if presenting an interesting trivia fact that wouldn’t in any way instill self-consciousness in the other. “I suppose because not many people catch my attention the way you chose to.”
"N-no, I-- It's not...It's just...Um..." He struggled to find the right words, stuttering and stumbling until his incoherent mumbles faded into an awkward silence. Touya wasn't in the habit of disclosing such personal information in passing conversation. In fact, he tried to avoid talking about himself or anything related as much as possible. The more people knew about him, the more complicated things would become, and it was difficult enough to get by already. Why couldn't the man just leave him be? It was none of his business! But no, Touya couldn't even summon enough courage to be honest with this overly curious stranger, to manage a simple "I'd rather not say". He felt almost angry by now, though it was only directed at himself for his inability to handle the situation.
With his hands still fumbling hopelessly not to grasp at the charm, Touya swallowed hard before forcing out as vague an answer as he could manage. "It... It was a gift." He slowly looked up then, only hoping that the answer but be enough to satisfy this stranger's curiosity.
Unable to hold the man's gaze for more than a second or two, he quickly glanced down to the ground, muttering a soft "Sorry" at his next comment. Catching the attention of passers by was the last thing he had intended, the very thought of it was part of the reason Touya dreaded leaving his apartment. It was all he could do now to hope that this man was too distracted by bombarding him with questions to hold a grudge.
Haggard at Best
Oh lord.
Oh no.
He wasn’t going to cry, was he?
As he stared in disbelief at the flustered mess before him, Kabuto could imagine no worse punishment for one joking remark—oh so it may have been a little rude of an insinuation, so what?!—than being faced with a man his age who seemed about as fragile as a butterfly’s wings in a hurricane. Kabuto tried to refuse himself the agonizing indulgence of something as stupid as guilt. Hadn’t the stranger been the one to run into him in the first place?
No such luck; he felt terrible and amended his mistake, albeit dryly in tone. “At ease, I won’t turn you in. Although I suspect that you might be hallucinating that I breathe fire or something, which is all too typical in PCP abusers, I’ll let it slide.” No, that was no good. “Look, just—” He struggled, then sighed. “Don’t be so upset, I was joking.”
Then Kabuto caught sight of something that made him frown in perplexity. The way that this…what was his name? Had he given it? In any case, the way that this young man nervously fingered and clutched at some sort of necklace or talisman before gathering his courage to speak again—Kabuto ignored the excuse, deciding it wasn’t worth prolonging this awkwardness just to get an answer he didn’t care much about—it…well, it…was familiar, in a strange way that Kabuto couldn’t place.
“What is that?” he asked, putting the matter of the inexplicable hiding place aside as he gestured to what the other young man wore around his neck. “If you don’t mind my asking. It’s ah, very nice.” Actually he could barely see it, but…details.
Touya simply watched the man wide-eyed as he continued on. Right. A joke. Of course it was a joke. He winced, mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. It would have been blindingly obvious to anyone else, but he just had to be the one to take everything too seriously, overreacting at the slightest little jibe. Touya had never been much good at picking up on humour. Having grown used to always assuming the worst (that was usually the case, after all), something as trivial as a joke rarely seemed like a possibility anymore.
The charm’s soft weight in his palm soothed him a little, just enough so he felt he could breath again, but that didn't last long. Following the other man’s gaze, Touya quickly dropped the necklace from between his fingers, fumbling to smooth down his collar. Had he really been so obvious? No one else was supposed to see, but it looked as though he'd managed to make a fool of himself again. What could he say? How could he possibly explain? And to a complete stranger nonetheless. He just couldn't do it.
Wringing his hands, Touya took a short, sharp intake of breath, stumbling over the words as he tried desperately to avoid a definitive answer. “I-I er… Um, i-it’s nothing. Not really… Just... n-nothing.”
Studying the Languages of Love
Sakura Haruno stared at the bouquet of red roses she had found on her table with a note that said, ‘Let me love you if not for the rest if your life, then the rest of my life,’ She rolled her eyes more disgusted than flattered. Who mistakenly put this on her table this time? Generally, gift-giving was more of a peeve to her than it is a pleasant surprise to anyone else.
Throwing the box away would make her look like a criminal so she stopped herself, regardless of her indifference at the way people might perceive her to be. She left the flowers alone, stomping out of the empty room with the urge of wanting to call in sick at the clinic she worked in. She lost the mood to do anything now. The gesture alone made her cringe, not at all used to the attention women were given during Valentines’ day, or to any day for that matter.
It was back in highschool that made her feel that way. Back when receiving gifts—-even the simplest ones, would truly make her smile. The last time was when the boy she used to have a crush on pretended to give her flowers. She almost felt her heart sing, practically having this budding hope in her that maybe love existed.
…Then he joined the entire class in making fun of her about how stupid it would be for anyone to feel anything for her. “You think I’d like a stuck-up, goody-two-shoes nerd like you?!” he’d cackle, much to Sakura’s disbelief.
“I’m not a stuck-up, goody-two-shoes nerd, dammit!” She cried out all of a sudden, cursing herself for recalling such shallow memories. She hastily made her way across the silent hallways, taking a deep breath with the knowledge that there wasn’t anyone else around anymore.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t help feeling there were was still another soul who may have possibly heard her selfish words.
Touya sat perched in the corner of a small stairwell, a narrow, shadowed flight of steps that lay hidden away in one of the lesser populated areas of the university. He had only stayed on campus to make use of the library that day, but finding it to be abnormally busy, had gone in search of a more secluded spot. With his head buried in the pages of a book, he barely noticed the faint footsteps of the occasional student making their way down the corridor below him. It was a welcome change to his usual tense state, but with the relative silence of the halls and beautiful weather outside, it was difficult to feel anything other than peaceful.
His moment of relaxation didn't last long. Just as Touya seemed to be deep in the world of his book, a disturbance from down the hall snapped him back to reality. Almost dropping the book from his lap, he snatched it back just in time to avoid it falling down the steps, shuffling further back against the wall in a desperate bid for his blunder to go undetected. A girl's voice followed the sound of hurried footsteps, loud and shrill, coming from just beyond his line of sight. She seemed upset by something, and Touya was sure it was something he shouldn't bear witness to.
With his presence so often going unnoticed, Touya was used to overhearing private matters by now, though he never felt any less guilty after unwittingly eavesdropping on some poor soul's personal problems. It wasn't his place to know these things, and over the years he had certainly acquired a lot of unwanted information regarding those around him. Part of him was more concerned for his own well-being than anything, something that never ceased to make him feel even more guilty. He knew that his primary concern should be for others, that was the proper, just way to feel, but what if they found out? Discovered that he knew their personal secrets and hatched some horrible scheme to keep him quiet? It would be a ridiculous idea to most, but he had had more than enough experience with the more violent side of society to have lost all hope of anyone ever being understanding.
Hoping to remain unseen in her passing, Touya raised the book to cover his face, pretending to be engrossed in its pages as he compacted himself tightly into the corner.
Haggard at Best
Kabuto’s eyebrows went up as he stared, groceries in hand, waiting. Was it possible for one human being to be so devastatingly gawky? Kabuto wasn’t even sure if the discomfort he felt was vicarious, his own underlying and well-hidden anxiety, or just really severe pity. For the boy—he seemed younger, even if he didn’t look it—was stammering in so flustered and uncertain a manner that it was almost painful. It made Kabuto feel a little like a first-grade teacher, guiding a student through a show-and-tell presentation.
This was ridiculous.
“Just what?” he pressed, but not as impatiently as he felt. Prodding at bushes to flush out snakes could provoke a reaction, or the creature could just slither away. Kabuto noted, as if providing a reminder, “You have money at the ready. Forgive me, but my curiosity is piqued.”
The comment at the tip of his tongue was a rude one, but that had never really stopped him before. “I’d immediately assume that there’s someone dealing PSP in there, but last I checked, a few coins isn’t really sufficient for covering the cost of a good trip—or any, really.” He smirked a little, as if amused by himself. “Or are you so inexperienced as to think it would?”
"I-I-- What?! N-no! I..." The very suggestion that Touya might be involved in drugs was enough to send him into a panic, especially with the accusation coming from a man he had bumped into for the first time mere moments ago. Did he really look that suspicious? So much so that a total stranger's first assumption would be that he was some sort of drug addict? He backed away slightly, hardly able to believe the awful situation he had gotten himself into. All he had wanted to do was some simple grocery shopping, and yet here he stood in some side-street being accused of illegal activities. Touya had barely had any contact with anyone since moving to Kazoku, but if this encounter was anything to go by, avoiding people had definitely been for the best. At this rate, it wouldn't be long before rumours started to spread, and then who knows what he would have to deal with.
Staring down at the ground, Touya partly wished that it would swallow him whole as he thought desperately to come up with an answer that would clear his name. He knew that his actions seemed suspicious, and the way he stumbled over his words was hardly suggestive of an innocent persona. With his awkward, admittedly odd ways, he was used to misunderstandings by now, but never had he had to cope with quite such a serious allegation. Since moving to this district, this was easily the most distressing situation he had found himself in, though the day he was certain a small grocery store had suspected him of shoplifting came a close second.
What was he to do? Alone in this near-empty street, under this man's accusing yet unnervingly amused stare, anything could happen should the stranger decide that Touya was some sort of hardened criminal. Pushing the thought of police officers and blaring sirens to the back of his mind, he tried to focus on the matter at hand. He hadn't done anything. Never in his life would he consider anything so awful as illegal drugs, he just had to find a way to convince this man of that.
With the coins now clenched so tightly in his palm that he was sure they had pierced the skin, Touya took a deep breath. "I-I'm not... I wouldn't..." His voice was barely audible, so quiet that even the faint drone of traffic a few streets away seemed to drown him out. This was no good. He would have to lie, no matter how unconvincingly, there was no way he could admit the pathetic truth to a complete stranger.
Think Touya, think. It was difficult enough for him to lie in any situation, but this was nigh on impossible. His hands were clammy, moist trembling fists as he felt the sharp edges of the coins cut into his skin. He couldn't think straight, couldn't focus. A few seconds was all he needed to think of an excuse, if he could just relax.
Gingerly, he allowed one fist to uncurl, fingers moving to part the collar of his jacket. They fumbled for a moment, then clenched around a rather large charm hanging from a cord around his neck, half concealed under his shirt. For the briefest of moments his eyes fluttered closed, heartbeat slowing slightly as he clutched the talisman in his hand. Of course! Barely taking the time to think it through, Touya blurted out the first believable excuse that came to mind. "I-I was just taking a phone call. I thought it might be best to step out of the street." Surely that was convincing enough, wasn't it?
Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Afternoons were great, especially in winter. After the morning, the Akai Sakura really slowed down, so today Rinako was being let off early. She glorified in it, as she had been staring out the window of the little cafe all morning, longing for the sun that streamed in through the windows. Kokoro said that she reminded her of a cat, always longing for the sun and lazing around in it in her free time.
About fifteen minutes before the end of her shift, a strange and pale looking man showed up and sat across the street under the shade of the crape myrtles, but she paid him no mind.
The girl had just finished changing out of her dress when she realized it was already past time for her to be gone. She slipped out into the cafe, waving goodbye to her co-workers and her boss, and shot out the door. The sun was even better than the breath of fresh air that she inhaled greedily as soon as she was outside, and she twirled around in a circle happily. Dressed in a grey turtleneck with a thick, black, wool skirt and patterned leggings, Rinako was pretty much colorless today. Well, she would have been had it not been for her warm and bright red peacoat topping the outfit off.
As she finished her excited twirl, cheeks flushed, her eyes came to land on that very same man. He was huddled on the bench as though he thought someone would hurt him and she frowned. Was he alright? After a moment, she saw him turn to look at her, and she made eye contact with him for a second. She blinked big blue eyes at him, and then raised a hand in greeting, cocking her head to the side. This made her really look like a cat. Before he could say or do anything, she made her way over and sat on the opposite end of the bench from him, chirping in a friendly voice, “Hiya… Are you okay, Mister?”
Touya barely noticed the girl exit the cafe, but soon stopped his staring as she entered his line of sight, causing their eyes to make brief contact. He blinked, instantly snapping from his thoughts and lowering his gaze, folding his hands neatly in his lap.
The last thing Touya had expected was for her to approach him, instinctively twitching as she sat down and shuffling in the opposite direction. "Wh-what?" He breathed, frozen in surprise at first and taking a moment to register what she had said. Did he know this girl? His chocolate eyes studied her cautiously, trying to place her. Was she from the university? He hardly memorized the appearances of his classmates, but surely he would recognise one of them should they speak to him? No, she definitely didn't seem familiar, but why would a complete stranger stop and speak to him of all people?
His brief moment of relaxation was all but forgotten then, a mild panic seizing him. Had he done something wrong? It was okay for him to be sitting here, wasn't it? Perhaps she wanted the bench for herself and some friends? Or maybe his loitering was beginning to rouse suspicion?
Edging away to leave as much space between them as possible, Touya gave a small nod. "Yes. S-sorry, did you want me to--?" He half-stood, poised to leave at any moment should the girl require it. Perhaps it was time he left anyway, if people were starting to notice his presence, it wouldn't be long before he became a nuisance. With his book-heavy backpack in hand, he hovered on the edge of the bench, eyes wide as he awaited her answer.
UsagiRinako || Untitled
It was late afternoon as Touya made his way home after a long day of lectures. His apartment wasn't far from the university, a mere half hour's walk at most, though it always felt much longer, and it was on days like today that the journey seemed to drag on for hours. Kazoku's streets were bustling with young people. Perhaps because it was Friday and they were eager to welcome the weekend after a hard week at school, or perhaps it was simply his own bad luck. He wove his way through gangs of giggling teens out shopping in their school uniforms, young men elbowing each other playfully as they laughed and joked with their friends. To anyone else, it would have been a friendly, welcoming atmosphere, but Touya found it quite unnerving. It was too busy, too many people, all too easy for him to get in the way, make a wrong move and go ploughing into the back of some unsuspecting bystander, as he had done on so many dreadful occasions before. He was so cursedly clumsy in public. No matter how he tried to convince himself that there was no reason to panic, he couldn't hold a steady thought. His head was all over the place, flitting between fighting to keep his composure, avoiding the large groups of pedestrians who pushed their way through on either side of him, and trying to make it home as quickly as possible.
The crowds seemed to subside slightly as he turned a corner, and he was able to relax just enough to notice how beautiful an afternoon it was. The sun was low enough now to send its rays spilling over the roofs of Kazoku's shopping district, bathing the busy streets in a warm golden glow. Being winter, the sun had little heat to it, but it was welcome nonetheless. The days had been bitter as of late, and Touya was grateful for whatever hint of warmth he could get. He had always felt the cold, the little flesh on his bones saw to that, but he was used to it by now and had come to enjoy these bright, chilly winter days.
Reaching the end of a small row of shops, he hesitated, his pace slowing to a near standstill. Getting home had been his sole priority, but now that he was so close, part of him felt reluctant to leave the bright streets, and the thought of his dreary apartment was hardly a welcoming one. As if to answer his thoughts, he spotted an empty wooden bench nestled in the partial shade of a tree, glancing around briefly before perching on the far end. He found himself looking in through the window of a small cafe, a quaint little place set back from the hustle and bustle of the main high-street. There were people inside, just a few, going about their business unaware of his watchful gaze. His eyes fell to a group of youths, about his age, sat huddled around the table directly in front of the window. They were laughing, leaning in closely as they chatted happily amongst themselves. Touya couldn't hear their words, but as he watched, his mind began to fill in the blanks, how they discussed their day, made plans for the weekend. His chest tightened a little at that, all he had to look forward to over the coming days was the same four walls and a huge pile of reading. Not that he didn't love his books, but spending so much time alone with his own thoughts was becoming all too much lately.
His staring must have been obvious by now, but he didn't realize it. Maybe he could go inside? But then what? Minimal human contact was on his list of priorities for a reason. No matter how much he longed for company, he fell apart at the slightest hint of it. Even if he did decide to enter, he'd regret it the instant the door clicked shut behind him. And anyway, what could he do besides sit in a corner eavesdropping like some sort of stalker with a hidden agenda? He looked suspicious enough as it was.
With a soft sigh, he leant back against the firm wood, gazing up through the bare branches above him for a minute or two before returning his attention to the cafe. He was reluctant to return home just yet, especially after finding what seemed to be a relatively peaceful spot. It was nice to finally be able to enjoy the town for the pretty little place it was, but even so, he wouldn't feel comfortable loitering here for too long. What to do?
Haggard at Best
Unable to help himself, Kabuto glanced up from where he knelt with an arched silver eyebrow at the stammering, flustered mess that was his accidental assailant. Could one person contain so much ungainliness? This one made Kabuto himself look debonair as could be. “At ease,” he said dryly, handing over the coins. “I don’t bite.”
But even this seemed unnecessarily harsh. Damn this stranger for forbidding anything less than gentle understanding with his sympathetic mannerisms; Kabuto would have loved to be rightfully pissed at someone.
Instead, he sighed and collected his things, standing up at long last and dusting off some invisible dirt from his jeans. “Accidents happen,” said Kabuto. “And my groceries will live…whether they’re still appetizing or not being another matter altogether, but don’t worry about it.” So maybe he was being a little melodramatic, but really. Packaged or not, his food. On the ground.
Kabuto looked up, knowing full well he could just be on his way, but there was something niggling at him, and it was curiosity. And at the sight of the utterly abandoned store that the stranger had emerged from, he knew which explanation would satiate it. “Do you…make a habit of lurking in shops fallen into disuse until someone comes along down the road?”
The man's attempt at sounding reassuring had little effect, and Touya winced as he went on to elaborate upon the state of his groceries. If only he had been more careful, looked where he was going and not been so self-absorbed, he could have avoided all of this. As it was, he had no idea how to deal with such obvious annoyance, merely staring down at the ground as he mumbled yet another soft "Sorry."
Touya half expected to find himself alone then. It was unusual for anyone to stay in his company even a moment longer than necessary, and after such an unpleasant encounter this stranger was undoubtedly in a hurry to be on his way. The fact that he had lingered this long came as something of a surprise, but not nearly as much as the question that followed.
Heartbeat racing, Touya felt his mouth go dry as he stumbled and stuttered in a feeble attempt to force the words out. "N-no, I... I-I was just..." Just what? Hiding? He could hardly tell the truth, but then what else was there? The silence seemed to drag on almost painfully as he tried to come up with a convincing answer. Touya had always been a terrible liar, and it was impossible to think straight in such a tense atmosphere. With the discomfort of the situation becoming too much to bear, he settled for a simple shake of his head, only hoping that it would be enough to satisfy.
Haggard at Best
Kabuto was not in the habit of snapping at random strangers on the street. Mostly he kept to himself and was nice and polite and distant and in all respects the good quiet citizen type who ended up unexpectedly murdering half his block in evening news stories (thus far he had evaded the last part of the descriptor). If people didn’t bother or molest him, he returned the favor. However, this was an exception. After a long day, wasn’t he entitled to snapping at someone coming from out of nowhere to send his groceries nearly tumbling to their premature, pre-expiration death?
Probably, but of course the one time he did so, the other party looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. A very gaunt and haggard-looking puppy, but a puppy all the same, a wide-eyed and sympathetic character.
Sighing heavily, Kabuto neatly returned milk gallons and repulsive instant ramen and cans of soup to their bags, lying through his teeth, and not well. “Never mind, never mind, it’s alright. Quite fine.” No it wasn’t, he was getting the denim knees of his jeans dirty. This was a catastrophe. Kabuto bit back verbalizing this; the boy, about his age, looked frightened to death and remorseful as could be, cowering what felt like several yards away and stammering something that could be an apology, his eyes practically glistening.
Just Kabuto’s luck.
Glancing a foot or so away from where he half-knelt, half-crouched, Kabuto spotted a few coins and decided to be enough of a good Samaritan to pick them up (cringing, of course—germs germs germs germs) and stand, holding them out in a reassuring, helpful gesture. “I believe you dropped these when you were trying to take me out? Thoughtful, but I don’t accept tips from almost-successful grocery assassins.”
Okay, so he was at the very least entitled to sarcasm, he had to be. He had nothing else.
He watched wide-eyed as the man smoothly and efficiently returned his groceries to their rightful place, arranging them with an almost obsessive precision. It seemed so easy for him, steady hands moving without a hint of uncertainty, slotting each item into place as quickly as could be done. Touya winced internally, cursing his own ineptitude. Just look at how simple it was, and yet he couldn't even gather his nerves enough to help with such a menial task.
It certainly wasn't difficult to pick up on the man's annoyance, despite his obvious attempt at disguising the irate edge to his tone. Touya's chest tightened with each uttered word, only serving to make him feel more guilty, if that was even possible at this stage. So engrossed was he in his own guilt-addled thoughts, that he hardly noticed the man begin to gather his handful of coins from where they lay on the roadside. He stood stood completely still, eyes lowered to his tightly clenched hands which were almost numb by now, cold but uncomfortably clammy.
The sudden flurry of movement in his line of sight made Touya instinctively flinch, panicking for a second until he looked up to realize the intended friendliness of the gesture. Touya had never been particularly good at grasping sarcasm, especially during situations like this one. An awkwardly long moment passed before he reached out hesitantly to take the coins, almost dropping them once more as his clumsy fingers attempted to thrust them back into his pocket. "Oh! R-right. I, um... Thank you." He wouldn't have the courage to spend them now anyway, all he could think of at present was turning tail and heading back to the safety of his apartment, preferably as quickly and as stealthily as possible.
Still not willing to risk eye contact with his present company, Touya allowed his gaze to wander down the street as he attempted what he hoped was a more coherent apology. "I er... I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry. Are you...? I-I mean, are your groceries all right?"
Haggard at Best
The walk back from Kazoku’s local grocery was always something of a bear when Kabuto had been working on his feet for the past several hours. He was often stiff and irritable, or at least more so than usual, lugging dangerously thin plastic bags filled with essentials (nothing more, nothing less) back to his apartment, one in each hand, drawing red lines across his fingers.
On this evening in particular, he was in a foul mood after some careless adolescent volunteer had botched a delivery of lab reports in need of analysis so badly that the paperwork had cost Kabuto several precious hours of his already hectic life. He wouldn’t get those back until he was old enough and esteemed enough and wealthy enough to take vacation time. (QED, never, because “not-obsessive enough” should be in there somewhere, even if he did end up meeting the other prerequisites.)
His load seeming heavier than it probably was, Kabuto opted to take a shortcut down a less bustling, more abandoned street that led to his apartment. Like the rest of Kazoku, it was perfectly nice, with quaint architecture and neat sidewalks and friendly shop windows, but it lacked the tourist-trap quality of the main streets, with their outdoor cafés and potted flowers and colorful awnings.
It was quiet, and it was isolated. Kabuto liked that.
Until, that is, he walked in front of a vacant lot with windows revealing an empty building interior and nearly walked right into someone who seemed to emerge as if from nowhere.
Kabuto swore as, in surprise, he dropped a bag and narrowly avoided breaking open a gallon of milk that thankfully remained intact as the contents of the bag spilled out onto the street. “Oh, perfect,” he muttered, setting the other one down and crouching to pick everything up—mess mess mess what an ungodly awful mess who even knows if any of this is soiled—“Think it’s funny, do you, to pop up like a goddamn wraith to startle the unwary?” he snapped, before looking up.
Instantly, despite his mood, Kabuto felt guilty. The interloper looked about as nervous as a hen, giving off every indication of being reclusive and withdrawn—or maybe that was just because Kabuto knew the signs. He appeared to be around Kabuto’s age, not bad-looking or scrawny, but somehow awfully frail. Perhaps he was a student; he looked the part.
Or perhaps he was a homeless lunatic. He looked that part, too.
“Ah,” Kabuto sighed, averting his eyes, “sorry about that.”
The sound of approaching footsteps fell on deaf ears as, far too engrossed in his own thoughts to be aware of his surroundings, Touya stepped gingerly out of the protective cover of the shop doorway. It was already too late by the time he caught a brief glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye, instinctively swerving sideways, but unable to avoid catching his shoulder roughly against the oncoming figure. Instantly, he dropped the handful of coins he had been gripping so tightly, their clattering ringing out in the silence as he flinched away from the impact. His reaction was so sudden, driven by shock and panic, that he staggered back a few steps, almost losing his balance before managing to steady himself against the shop wall.
It took a moment for him to get his bearings, his heart in his mouth as he realized what had happened. "S-sorry!" He blurted out, eyes widening in what could only be described as sheer horror upon noticing the man crouched over a bag of groceries, its contents spilled out at his feet. He was young, perhaps only a year or two older than Touya, but he barely noticed the man's physical appearance after hearing the bitterness to his tone.
Taking a few tentative steps forward, he dropped to his knees, reaching for the fallen items and trying frantically to thrust them back into the bag before any further damage was done. "I, um, h-here. Let me... L-let me help...Sorry..." His hands were trembling, each clumsy attempt to gather the scattered groceries only resulting in them being dropped repeatedly onto the dusty concrete. Would it really have been so hard to keep himself together for once? To behave like a normal human being and not draw attention to himself by acting like this? Even with the extent he went to to avoid confrontations, to avoid people altogether, his own stupid incompetence would always get in the way. He only had himself to blame, had he not become so selfishly absorbed in his own thoughts, this never would have happened.
This man probably thought he was insane, or worse. It wouldn't be the first time someone had mistaken Touya for a pickpocket, or some homeless drug addict out looking for trouble. His appearance didn't help. No matter how hard he tried to look like a functioning member of society, there was something about his gaunt features and untameable hair that always set people on edge. In comparison to the majority of youths his age, his clothes were fairly tidy, but nothing ever seemed to fit properly, the dull, drab colours of fabric hanging off his slender frame, leaving even the most respectable outfits looking loose and untidy. Even in the summer months, when a humid haze had hung over the town, Touya couldn't bring himself to wear short sleeves. It all felt too bare, too open. He couldn't expose himself like that, despite the damning looks he had received when walking through town in a heavy jacket on some of the hottest days of the year.
With his attempt at 'helping' obviously doing more harm than good, Touya scrambled clumsily to his feet, standing stiffly on the side of the road as he muttered yet more flustered apologies. He felt unable to move, hands clasped tightly together in a desperate bid to stop himself shaking, heartbeat ringing loudly in his ears. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he couldn't shake the sense of dread rising in the pit of his stomach. The young man seemed civil enough, but then it was in Touya's nature to expect the worst, and he had sounded awfully angry.
{Open Starter}
Early evenings were beautiful in this neighbourhood. The setting sun cast long shadows across the pale concrete paving, glimmering through the trees as Touya made his way down the narrow flight of steps from his apartment. There was something soothing about this time of day, when the streets began to quieten and the rooftops were bathed in a serene golden glow. Kazoku was, in itself, a refreshingly pretty little place, with its frequent splashes of green and quaint shopping district. Still, he seldom found the courage to venture out during more sociable hours, unless perhaps heavy rainfall kept the population at bay. Touya had never liked crowds, and the thought of jostling his way through any number of passers by hardly put him in the right frame of mind to even attempt his search for employment.
It was as he reached a corner, not five minutes from his apartment building, that something stopped him. Just one more step would bring him out onto Kazuko's main street. Merely stepping out of his door was daunting enough, regardless of how used to it he was by now. The thought that perhaps this could be a particularly busy evening in the town hadn't crossed his mind until now, but suddenly it seemed more intimidating than he could bear. His throat felt uncomfortably dry, fingers tugging shakily at the collar of his jacket. It would be fine, wouldn't it? He could see no reason why tonight would be different to any other. But even so... He glanced back down the narrow side-street behind him. Empty, not a soul in sight. It did look awfully tempting, but he had to remember that he was here for a reason.
The streets of Kazoku were littered with various cafes, convenience stores, quaint little gift shops, but with the abundance of students living in the area he was hardly short of competition. Each and every vacancy was snapped up within the week by confident, bubbly schoolgirls, not lanky twenty-somethings who looked like they hadn't slept in a week and could barely hold a conversation. He cringed as he thought of his first interview just a few days earlier. Seven applications, two interviews, and he had turned down the second after the disaster of the first. All he had to do was answer a few simple questions, but no, he couldn't even get that right. The memory was almost enough to make him turn back, but it was a flicker of sunlight, a cool evening breeze against his skin that finally convinced him to take that one hesitant step out into the street.
It was quiet, much to his relief, just a dozen or so pedestrians ambling their way along the sidewalk. He kept his head down, hands in his pockets as his eyes darted warily from one side of the street to the other. Window advertisements were becoming harder to find these days, often abandoned in favour of online methods, but luckily they were still commonplace in this neighbourhood. Unlikely as it was, and though part of him hoped against it, perhaps today there would be something suitable.
His search was half-hearted, and he gave up after no more than a few minutes of scouring the shop windows. Not today. Not yet. There was no real urgency, he told himself. Even with tuition fees and ever-increasing rent, he still had his (dwindling) savings to fall back on, and he was long accustomed to using money sparingly.
Expression defeated, he slipped into the doorway of what appeared to be a disused store of some kind, trying desperately to keep out of sight as he fumbled for his wallet. Moments like these were never easy to deal with, when he felt as though all eyes were on him, judging, disapproving. He stood with his back pressed tightly into the corner, muscles tense, breathing slowly in an attempt to calm his fluttering heartbeat. On edge, always on edge. With a sigh, he sorted a few coins into the palm of his hand, poking at them with one finger. Food. He needed food. His mind wandered back to the empty cupboards waiting in his dreary apartment. He hardly ate as it was, and the last thing he wanted was to attract attention by looking half-starved. His usual gaunt appearance was bad enough, and he doubted very much that it would do him any favours did he eventually find the courage to resume his job hunting. At least he seemed to have regained a little of his appetite since moving to Kazoku, though he suspected picking at the occasional bowl of rice or sugary snack fell somewhat short of a healthy diet. Still, the dizzy spells seemed less frequent these days, and even with the lingering light-headedness, it had been more than a fortnight since he had come anywhere close to losing conciousness. That had to be a good sign, didn't it? He nodded subtly to himself, taking a deep breath and clenching the coins tightly in his fist as he stepped back out into the street. He could do this.
Writer URL/nickname: http://wingchant.tumblr.com/ Skitty
Character name: Touya Nagashi
Canon character? (Y/N?): No
Character age: 21
Character occupation: College student
A short paragraph (6-8 sentences, max) to describe your character:
A kind and gentle soul, Touya was raised in a privileged household as the only son of a successful businessman. After his mother’s untimely death when he was twelve, his formerly idyllic life began to change drastically. It wasn't long before his father turned abusive, blaming him for the deterioration in his mother’s health and treating him as a failure of a son. Suffering both physical and mental abuse at home along with vicious bullying at school, Touya was left completely isolated, causing him to fall behind and find it difficult to function around others. After failing his college entrance exams twice, he is now in his first year of studying literature, much to the disappointment of his father who had raised him as the sole heir to the family corporation. By choice, Touya has been cut off entirely from his family's wealth and is living alone in a small apartment, currently searching for a job to help make ends meet. It is his only hope that living independently will help him to escape his past and find his place in the world. Touya's most treasured possession is a handmade good luck charm given to him by his mother on her deathbed, which he has worn around his neck every day since.