That's what Renee Lortz came to realize her entire life was. Bitter acceptance. Never arguing, always accepting. She stared into her mug, watching the dark liquid slosh around. Funny, she drank her coffee black. A habit she’d picked up from John since he refused to buy creamer or sugar despite her requests. The drink was bitter too.
A car flew by the window, kicking up a splash of muddy rain water that spattered against the Cafe window. Renee watched the rivulets run down before turning her attention to the reflection staring back. Haggard was a good word. No 30 year old should look the way she did. She was never stunning, but she had been attractive at one point. Dark thick hair (now unwashed and pulled back), green eyes (with bags under them), and fine even features (Well, save for the crook in her nose from a night when John had drank too much). Pale and slightly greasy, stuffed in sweaters three times her size, she looked like homeless person now.
The thought brought a (bitter) smile to her face and she sipped her now lukewarm coffee. Technically she was a homeless person. For once she rejected the norm of taking whatever was given to her. While John had slept, she slipped out. Took the three hundred he kept in his wallet too. Now here she sat, an over packed duffle bag at her feet and a coffee stained bus ticket wedged under the heel of her hand. Chipped nails tapped against the formica counter as she waited. It’d been nearly 3 months since she got the call from her sister about their Mom.
“Stiff as a board.” Jennie had unceremoniously announced. “At least a few days gone. Would have gone over earlier but you know how she was about visits.”
“Do you know how?” Renee whispered in return. John was in the next room and the last thing she wanted to do was deal with his questions.
“Fuck Ren, I’m not a doctor. Probably a heart attack.” There was a sigh and Renee heard Jennie light a cigarette. “Anyway...Are you coming home for the funeral?”
Her mouth had gone dry and she swallowed hard, gripping the cell. “You know that's going to be hard. John can’t just suddenly take o--”
“I figured.” A sharp exhale. Jennied snorted. “But I thought I should ask because it is our mother. Goodbye Ren.”
That was it. Her younger sisters disapproval was palpable. At first she’d been sympathetic to Renee’s plight, but after so many attempts to get her to realize the situation, how many times she’d waited for Renee to show and end this once and for all...Well, Renee couldn’t blame Jennie for giving up on her.
Hell, she’d given up on herself.
This trip now was her last attempt to try and break free of the bitter acceptance she’d practiced most of her life.
Breaking free of her thoughts, she tossed back the rest of her coffee and ran a hand through her knotted hair. The bus would be here any minute and then she’d be home. She kept checking her phone, waiting for the call from John. Imagining the disapproval in his voice, the undercurrent of anger.
Renee glanced out at the rain clogged streets. As if by magic, a rumbling grey tube pulled itself up to the stop. Her chariot had arrived. Renee dumped her coffee in the trash and snatched her bag from the ground. Out into the grey mist she went, not minding the drops that splattered on her face. It felt cleansing, like it was washing away the last of her old life and welcoming the new.
The bus smelled like mildew and exhaust. She plopped down in the nearest seat and rested her head against the cool pane of glass. Out came her phone. Still nothing from John. She didn’t know whether that was good or bad. Deciding not to dwell on it, Renee pulled up Jennie’s name and tapped out a quick message before sliding the phone away. Three simple words to signify her new life had been sent.
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