The story of how a Hazbin Hotel voice actor was rude to me at a convention while I was experiencing a serious medical issue.
I've been talking about this over on tiktok on my main account but have been avoiding talking about it here because this account is more related to my Etsy, but I'm biting the bullet because this is a situation that I really need to talk about and figure out how to handle.
I'm going to get into some of my history to fully explain the situation (it's relevant) so
TW for Grooming and PTSD with psychotic aspects.
Some relevant backstory on me. When I was 16-17 I was groomed by a pedophile who was a frequent convention guest with the help of popularish YouTuber who was also a frequent guest at anime conventions around that time. I came forward about them both, I was believed regarding the predator (likely because there were so many other victims) but not the enabler. Because of the backlash from it, and my abuser's (the enabler) tendency to tell his fellow colleagues in the industry that I was lying, crazy, etc, I was forced to give up pursuing voice acting and was forced to restructure my entire post-highschool plan right as I graduated. I had to switch colleges, cities, degree plans, etc.
To say he ruined my life is an understatement.
After this I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD, and developed a spine issue partly due to the stress that required surgery to correct and has left me with chronic pain and permanent physical disability.
I gave up on trying to get justice for that about three years ago and decided to move on with my life.
I've put a lot of effort into healing, figuring out when flare ups are (convention season, go figure) and how medication needs to be adjusted to handle it, as well as gradually trying to work my way up to returning to an anime convention after over a decade away from what I used to consider my happy place. I was able to attend a couple horror conventions (albeit with some difficulty) and when I saw that a particular Hazbin VA I wanted to meet would be a guest at a local anime convention in my city I decided to attend.
Through a series of events that's its own fucked up story, I lost my job before the convention, but ended up with a ticket anyway that a friend had bought for me as a Christmas gift.
I knew I wouldn't be able to buy any autographs or convention loot etc but I wanted to make the best of a bad situation anyway and try and celebrate that I was well enough to attend one again after so long.
I decided to make a gift for the one Hazbin VA I wanted to meet as an excuse to talk with them at all even though I couldn't get an autograph etc. My plan was simply to go up there, give the gift, say hi, and thank them for their brief time. Again, just trying to make the best of a bad situation.
The day of the convention I take double of my as-needed PTSD medication beforehand (it's what I've been instructed to do by my psychiatrist).
I get in and bee-line to the Hazbin VA's booth. This is the first day and within the first hour of the convention being open so this isn't a case of "they were tired after a long convention" not that that would be a valid excuse.
As I head to their line my PTSD starts acting up and I start hallucinating that every other person has my abuser's face. I've had mild visual effects before but nothing like this. I know it's not real but it's still freaking me out and I start shaking. I try breathing exercises as the line moves up but I'm getting more and more disoriented the closer I get. The entire line keeps restructuring, people keep getting out of and back into line, and I generally have no idea what's going on. Everything is too loud and too bright and just too much.
Any time someone walks by to ask people what they're getting I'm honest and say I don't have any money, but I brought a gift and just wanted to say hi. If this was an issue I figure the staff asking would've made me leave the line but they didn't, so I stayed. I've been to multiple conventions where I simply went to give a gift and say hi to someone after I spent all my money and it's never been an issue before so I didn't see any reason for there to be a cause for concern.
It's hard to recollect what happened once I got to the table, I said I was sorry I couldn't afford to buy anything but just wanted to say hi and leave a gift. I know I was stuttering to the point I was having trouble speaking at all and shaking excessively. The Hazbin VA is immediately cold towards me, when I hand over the item I made they say they have "plenty of these" and in a really condescending tone say "I've been doing this a long time" I say oh well, there's a brief uncomfortable silence and they just look at me like I'm the most repulsive thing they've ever seen. I shake their hand, say thanks, and walk away. As I'm walking away they say in a really unconvincing almost sarcastic tone "yeah it's great, thanks...".
The PTSD symptoms immediately get worse and I start becoming light headed and my vision gets really blurry. I managed to drag myself over to one other guest who still has a short line, still trying to make the best of a bad situation and needing some kind of comparison to know that what just happened wasn't me having a warped perception of the situation.
It's Grey Delisle who immediately clocks that there's something wrong and asks me if I'm okay. I'm definitely still shaking and stuttering and apologizing for being broke, she's still perfectly polite to me and it's just an overall brief, positive interaction.
I stumbled out the doors and sat outside on the phone talking with a friend who is trying to calm me down while I wait for another one to come rescue me from the convention because at this point it's not safe for me to get back home the way I got there.
Ever since this happened I have been plagued by the thought that my abuser in the industry must've saw me talking about how I was going to this convention to meet this person and decided to "warn" them about me (something that has happened in the past and I have an entire email from his spouse threatening to do just that when I was 19). And this possibility has haunted me for months.
Since talking about this situation on TikTok I've had several people correctly guess who this Hazbin VA was and either tell me about their own negative experiences with them, how they know of several people having negative experiences with them, or how they've only had positive experiences with this person but are aware that they're just like this sometimes.
I understand that my trauma isn't anyone else's responsibility to handle but myself, but to see someone in visible distress and choose to react by mistreating them does make it relevant to this discussion because that is a conscious choice to see that there is an issue and make it worse.
There are so many people at anime conventions who are neurodivergent and will be super nervous meeting people, or even have prior negative experiences l (and especially in HOUSTON aka the home of the shitshow known as Anime Matsuri which is known for almost exclusively staffing and inviting sex predators) and if you can't handle that then you shouldn't be a guest at conventions.
I really want to do SOMETHING about this but it's not safe for me to publicly name who this Hazbin VA is because of the possibility that my abuser will see it and latch onto this. I honestly just want an apology from this person. I should've been safe going to this convention and this should not have happened. If this person has such an issue just showing basic human decency to convention goers they shouldn't do conventions. I've thought about messaging them talking about what happened and how it hurt me but I already know I would just immediately be blocked which I'm trying to avoid.
This has all really soured my feelings on Hazbin Hotel as a whole. I want to be able to enjoy the show again but this has really ruined it all for me. If anyone has had any similar experience with any of the Hazbin VAs or knows what I can do to solve this situation please message me.
Thanks.
