uuuuhhhh @transluxuriation - Tumblr Blog

So does anyone wanna hear about the specific moment in my Irina lives au where during the peak of hollanovs situationship, Irina calls Ilya in the dead of night while Shane is still in the hotel, post-fuck and all warm and lazy with it, except not anymore because Ilya is jumping up and off the bed the second he sees the caller ID and walking into the bathroom and shutting the door, but it's not enough to muffle the conversation, and shane can't speak russian but hysterical sobbing is pretty unambiguous in any language, plus Ilya keeps saying Mama, in a strained, soothing voice, which is equally unequivocal, and Shane is just lying in bed staring at the ceiling, still tacky with cum and sweat, frozen, while Ilya is in the other room clearly talking his mother through some kind of episode and holy shit what does shane do??? Does he leave??? Surely he can't leave.

mybloodstream-caffeine

And when Ilya opens the bathroom door, Shane gets a glimpse of his exhausted face - not the look of someone experiencing a big shock, but rather someone in the aftermath of a very familiar battle, Sisyphus walking back down the mountain to fetch his rock - before Ilya spots Shane, still on the bed, and the expression is gone, something hard in its place. Why are you still here? Ilya says and it's cold and mean and full of sneering disdain and the Shane of twenty minutes ago probably would have flinched, would have been upset and humiliated to be spoken to in that way, would have walked right out the door. But the Shane of twenty minutes ago didn't just get a harrowing look at the great bleeding gash that is clearly Ilya's home life, so instead he lets the sheets fall from his still naked body and says I needed a shower, asshole, like everything's the same. And when he brushes past Ilya to step into the bathroom he thinks he manages to look unbothered, unmoved, like someone who didn't just overhear something intensely private, probably. Maybe.

And once Shane has the water running hot, steam fogging up the glass, the mirror above the jack and jill sinks, Shane doesn't turn around when Ilya steps in behind him. Shane doesn't turn around when big broad arms wrap around him from behind, or when he feels a forehead press against his shoulder. He doesn't think about how the body behind him feels like it's collapsing. He just firms his stance and holds up the weight. And when they step out the shower to dry off and Ilya's face is wet, well. Of course it is. They were just in the shower.

They don't talk about it until they're at the cottage years later

#yes..... yes #shane really knows how to sidestep a big emotion #i can really see ilya in eternal guilt having escaped a chaotic home & a mother who needs too much from him #constantly on alert for the next crisis

nemfrog

Sleepy. Child's good night book. 1943. Margaret Wise Brown.

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shaneseggs

consider shane who is a compulsive liar. years and years of hiding and not truths have built up in him that he feels a genuine compulsion to lie even about simple things, even about easily disprovable things. he doesn't want to lie. he doesn't like it. it wracks him with sick guilt every time but the thought of not lying is even worse even sicker it makes him feel like he'll die

transluxuriation

Yesssss. And then once its all out in the open and he still cant stop lying?? The shame every time ilya questions one of his little lies (that feel like the truth, he's become so adept at lying to himself), how can he worm his way out of this one with ilya's sharp gaze on him. Eventually Ilya corners him into admitting he's lying and it all falls apart, he's realising he's built his reality on endless copes. A little grief and depression era for myshane

#and then shane gets to go to therapy #and learn boundaries with his very enmeshed family where he first learned to lie to himself #and its all painful and confusing but they figure it all out

fairycosmos

sooo annoying that my parents didn't provide emotional support growing up now it's a whole fucking thing

circlusion

Daisuke Takakura

dollgermx

hollandar

Heated Rivalry — 1x06 ⤷ PHONE BLOWJOB

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medrawawi

#ohhh my god this is toooo sweet

pastart

Daniel Torrent (2025)

jennyhoelzer-deactivated2016120

sweatermuppet

closing statement from an article about being intersex & the possible connection of gender expression and sexuality in intersex individuals, published in The Gay Liberator, 1970s

i just got approved for disability benefits!! I'm. don't even really know what to do with myself now. What do you mean I'm gonna be able to afford stuff again

#Amby speaks #its so crazy because in my experience no-one gets pip first time #really thought I was gonna have to fight so much harder for this #guess I really am disabled huh