Iāve been asked āwhatās my criteria in determining whether someone Iām talking to is transphobic or notā?
Well I absolutely do have a set of criteria that I feel is comewhat universal but allows for flexibility and grey areas so here it is:
Does this person acknowledge clinical terms and definitions? (Or do they redefine terms themselves)
Does this person use absolute statements or statements that imply an absolute? (Such statements that are black and white, all or nothing, such as all trans women ____ or trans men are just ____)
Does this person accept new information or are they open to new ideas? (Allowing others to speak and participating in conversation about it without just shutting down or putting up a wall)
Does this person use statements that are directly harmful or violent? (Saying one should harass or harm another person or group or wishing harm or death on someone)
Does this person use divisive statements? (Goes back to black and white thinking. An example would be: supporting trans women hurts cis women or youāre either my kind of activist or youāre theirs or implying that one group is good or pure and the other is vile or evil)
Does this person use baseless accusations? (Things that they came up with that has no substantial evidence or logical thought behind it, things like trans men are lesbians- it has no evidence and the only support the statement has is that they simply feel that way)
Is this person able to shift their opinions based on new information or do they appear to push it away and reject it without first looking through it? (Such as providing a source, just to be met with āIām not going to read thatā or āthat doesnāt matterā)
Is this person reasonably objective or are they biased and emotionally involved to the point of shutting down when offered neutral or constructive criticism?
Now I donāt expect every single one of these to be met, and several of these are the result of severe misinformation and or the inability to regulate and control their emotions. Neither of those are good things and neither are in any way helpful to anyoneās side. Obviously you cannot judge any of these without first yourself checking that youāre not meeting these criteria. You must be open-minded, communicative, and not in any way hostile or condescending. That elicits a reaction that will force results. Itās best to observe these as a neutral body. That is why when I talk to people, I try to remain calm and friendly, listen, remain sympathetic and open, not ask leading or loaded questions, remain objective, read any sources provided, be unreactive, look for common ground, and do not interject my points. I try to avoid conflicting points when Iām still new to this person because that is often antagonizing. It may be hard for some, but you really need to focus on the common ideas and ignore the negatives until youāve established that relationship.
Obviously that doesnāt mean looking past someone harassing you or being violent, your mental health comes first and if you find that you feel disrespected or met with something you donāt want to deal with, just respectfully leave the conversation, donāt escalate a conflict or argument, donāt namecall, donāt be mean or rude, just wish them a good day and leave the conversation. We really donāt need to show people that we are hostile or rude. Thatās already the common narrative. You wonāt erase that by sticking to that method that they often expect.
