Honestly, it’s incredibly hard to interact with you on “good faith” when you’re so hell-bent on not being called “allo”… which I understand if you’re questioning whether or not you’re a-spec, but there’s nothing wrong with the term itself as a tool for distinguishing a-spec people from other sexualities/romantic orientations. If you’re not allo you’re not allo, so just say that or that you’re questioning. The way you talk now seems wholly dismissive of the term which is uncomfortably close to how some transphobes talk about the word “cis” despite it just being a way to refer to people who most closely align with their assigned gender at birth.
Also… my take, as an ace person, is that the oppression that a-spec individuals face is similar to but also different to the challenges that other lgbtq+ folks experience…. Just like the experiences of different lgbtq+ orientations are similar and different to each other. A-spec people are not cisheteroromantic+sexual, so we always run the risk of being abused and discriminated against when it’s discovered that our orientation is outside of the norm. Of course, a-apec individuals are able to more easily hide their orientation than others, but i think the idea that an individual’s ability to “pass” as cishet determines whether or not they belong in the lgbtq+ community is, at best, silly, and more commonly discriminatory towards more than just a-spec individuals. Bi people in het relationships are still queer, trans people who pass are still queer. What’s the inherent difference here with a-specs, who are still ultimately inclined to hide their orientation around those who might harm them from it?
But, the a-spec experience is also colored by feeling out of place in a world that is highly focused on romance and sex. There’s often not enough recognition of how much it can impact a young a-spec’s life to see wording like “everyone falls in love!” Or “we all want to have sex with our partners”, both of which are common both inside and out of the lgbtq+ space. This alienation, along with the aforementioned points about being outside of the norm, is why many a-specs consider their experience to be inherently queer AND advocate for a more nuanced understanding of sexuality and romantic orientations, especially in conversations around queer liberation. Folks who aren’t a-spec have no idea what it’s like to live our lives and shouldn’t speak for us, just as someone who isn’t trans, bi, gay etc. have no business dictating the actions of those communities.
What we want is understanding and belonging in a community that is all about liberating those who differ from the norm in terms of orientation, and quite honestly? The fact that most people nowadays see us as such means that we are a part of the community, whether some people like it or not. When you listen to people and start to understand how similar they are to you, rather than focusing on their differences, it’s amazing how well you can get to know someone with a life experience you haven’t had. At the end of the day, we’re here, we’re queer, and you better get used to it, because otherwise the back door on the wrong side of history will probably hit you on the way out. Thanks for reading.
You keep comparing me to a transphobe because the asexual presumptive word for "sex-haver" makes me uncomfortable. Like I don't know what else to say here- I asked for a level of respect and you refuse to give it to me. I shouldn't need to air out my personal relationship to sex in order to be treated like a person. So I'm just gonna move on to your other points. Just know that this sort of behavior is very inconsiderate.
You say that the struggles of asexual people are "similar and different" to those of LGBT people- I'm asking how they are similar. You've not provided me any sort of examples beyond a hypothetical situation. Where are asexual people being arrested and murdered for their lack of sex? Where are they losing jobs? Where would it be difficult for an asexual person to adopt a child? When was asexuality deemed illegal? What laws are put in place to limit an asexual's ability to survive and thrive?
That's not me being a dick- I am genuinely asking. In what ways are people who don't have sex just as/more oppressed than LGBT people who do? Because when you use "allosexual" you're implying that straight and LGBT people hold inherent power over aces based on the desire/ability to have sex. How does that power manifest?
I certainly agree that the alienation asexual and aromantic people feel in our society is worth mentioning and doing something about. But one goal of the LGBT community is the normalization of romantic love and sex for gay/trans individuals. Because our love and sex is demonized and used to take away our human rights. Asexual people- as far as I currently understand- are not living with that threat. Therefore their goals are going to be different than ours. Which is not invalid or less than- it's simply a truth. (Saying the asexual community has differing threats and therefore different goals than the LGBT community is not an example of aphobia. It's an observation without judgement.)
The LGBT community is not a community built on "liberating those who differ from the norm in terms of orientation". It's a political coalition created to combat homophobia and transphobia and preserve the rights of the people who experience those forms of active oppression. If the asexual community's goal is to create a space wherein they feel safe and accepted- fine! You've effectively done that with the unification of an asexual community. The LGBT community has wider goals with higher stakes though. So you can ally alongside us and help achieve our goals- one of them being normalization of sex- or you can ally further away and preserve your own goals alongside ours. I got off track though- saying any LGBT person holds power over any ace for having sex is ludicrous unless you can provide examples of systemic oppression based on the act of sex.
Exactly! It’s an issue for sure- but certainly not just for asexuals.



















