Clarissa Pinkola Estés, from “Women who Run with the Wolves,” published in 1992
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@traumamagic
Clarissa Pinkola Estés, from “Women who Run with the Wolves,” published in 1992
erin lecount, sweet fruit
Does Marge have friends? by Raphael Bob-Waksberg — i’ve read this a couple years ago and it has always stayed with me…wanted to draw to it
I was not able to find the source for this pic! If you know about it, please let me know in the comments or via direct! Thank you!
Religious trauma in Good Omens: Aziraphale's case
We talk about religious trauma and the state of constant psychological abuse and manipulation experienced by those who suffer it, using Aziraphale as an example.
DISCLAIMER
This post is about painful experiences and the different ways you can react to them. This may affect you in particular and be difficult or stressful to deal with.
Here I intend to speak to you about the trauma of Aziraphale. I use the singular not because it is a single event, but because it is a very specific type of trauma to which ours has been subjected continuously since the beginning of time: religious trauma.
WHAT IS RELIGIOUS TRAUMA
Religious trauma is a complex type of trauma that usually has its greatest impact during the period of development: a person grows up in a social context that is regulated according to the dictates of any sect, which greatly influences the way they approach reality and, above all, themselves.
Often, this trauma begins to affect the existence of the victim even before they begin to speak and thus have the capacity to articulate the memories associated with it. It is not necessarily this trauma that is marked by significant events: very often it is its impact on everyday life that literally conditions the people who experience it, placing them on a well-trodden path of conventions and moral imperatives from which they must not deviate.
We are all (obviously, given the fandom) familiar with the concept of original sin. When a person is brought up with the view that we are all born sinners because we have literally inherited that sin and must spend our lives making amends for what is in our nature, several things happen:
_we live with a constant sense of shame and fear of not making it, of not being enough; _we blindly trust those who raise us and show us the way, and we may not want to see the inherent hypocrisies and contradictions because that would bring us into conflict with reality; _as a result, we have an incredible fear of authority and will tend to respect hierarchies even when they do not make much sense to us, and also try not to question what we are told; _we want at all costs to be 'part of the herd' and conform to the group, so we will suppress anything that we feel is different and might cause us trouble.
Now let's consider that, growing up in such a context, we become aware that something is not quite right for us. It could be anything from realising that we have sexual urges, to being attracted to someone of the same sex, to feeling uncomfortable in our own bodies, and so on.
In response to all of this, we experience feelings of shame, self-loathing and a desire to repress that which takes us away from what is the right way to be.
All these things are cruelly represented in our beloved angel Aziraphale.
AZIRAPHALE'S TRAUMA
It is really difficult to talk about Aziraphale's pain, although it is probably the most obvious and easiest to explain in the series. Because it is tangible, it is realistic, many of us experience it all the time and can relate to it.
Aziraphale has won us over with his almost childlike tenderness and joy, with his tenderness for the little things, with his tendency to take to heart the well-being and happiness of every human being in front of him. He is pure, genuine, sensitive and always on the side of good. But behind his façade of a happy and enthusiastic little creature, there is a frightened, abused, insecure child full of shame and self-reproach. This will always condition his actions and will lead him to the painful and, as we shall see, inevitable epilogue in which he rejects Crowley's love to follow Metatron to Paradise.
TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT OR TO DO WHAT I MUST?
We immediately see how Aziraphale lives in a state of perpetual contradiction due to his strong sense of morality: in the series, the first thing we see of him is the moment when he gives Adam and Eve the flaming sword he received as guardian of the Eastern Gate, so that they would not be completely helpless in their escape from the Garden of Eden.
As well as entertaining Crowley (and winning his immediate admiration), the episode shows us from the outset that Aziraphale has a moral compass that always points in a very precise direction: the good of others. This will often lead him in the series to act on impulse, only to have to face the consequences of constituted authority, and create in him an everlasting sense of remorse: almost immediately he is asked by God himself to account for the sword, the very sword that was in danger of becoming an instrument of destruction in the hands of one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse - except that it was then the key to preventing it.
Unable to fight his nature, Aziraphale finds himself repeating the same actions over and over again: in the miniseries about the life of Job, his tenacity to save innocent creatures at all costs leads him to confront Crowley head-on, discovering his plan to circumvent the orders he was given and not kill anyone. But the web of lies he and the demon have woven tightens around him as Gabriel, Michael and the other angels descend to give Job the good news that he will be able to have more children in exchange for those who have been killed.
Aziraphale is thus forced to make a choice: tell the truth, exposing Crowley's deception and leading to the presumed murder of Job's children, or lie, saving everyone but tarnishing himself with what he sees as an unforgivable guilt. Our angel, as we know, chooses to lie. This causes him tremendous pain and leads him to believe that his fate is sealed and that he must fall. Despite having made the right choice.
Fortunately, as we know, none of this happens. But the fear of doing the wrong thing is always with him.
NATURAL ENEMIES
Aziraphale never makes it a secret that he despises Crowley's demonic nature. Never.
It is painful to compare the admiring look he gives him in S2E1 when he meets him in his angelic version, intent on starting the nebula he has been working on since the beginning of time, with the veiled look of shock (not to say a little disgust) he gives him in S1E1 when they meet again as an angel and a demon, on the walls of the Garden of Eden.
However, as soon as it starts to rain and Crowley gets close to him, Aziraphale immediately takes him under his wing. Aziraphale is an angel, and as such he loves no matter what. It is his peculiar and almost poisonous trait that leads him to help and to forgive even those who have wronged him.
Aziraphale believes that Crowley should be forgiven and loved, but he cannot accept that he has feelings of love for him. This leads him to reflexively despise himself for what he feels, and to push Crowley away whenever he gets too close: think of the argument under the gazebo, or when, confronted with Crowley's suggestion that he take him for a ride after giving him the thermos of holy water, he tells him that he "runs too fast".
It is already obvious to us viewers, and to Aziraphale himself, that he has feelings for Crowley that go far beyond camaraderie, but he cannot let go of them: the fear of retribution and the contempt he feels for anything that is not angelic leads him once again to flounder in contradictions and adopt that yo-yo attitude that characterises all his interactions with Crowley.
THE FINAL TEMPTATION
Crowley is a demon sui generis: he is not really evil and does not mind harming others. In fact, if he can, he actively avoids doing so. However, he does enjoy temptation, and one of his favourite targets is our beloved angel. Still during the miniseries on the life of Job, we see Crowley's first successful temptation of Aziraphale: while the two are patiently waiting for the storm to pass in the cellar of the mansion, Crowley offers him a drink, but Aziraphale refuses, not wanting to succumb to the intoxication of the wine.
Crowley then suggests that he try some human food. The angel is initially disgusted, but makes no objection, and is so impressed by what he tastes that he devours the entire roast beef on the table. Crowley is delighted, and this gag of temptation for an invitation to dinner is repeated throughout the series. Whether the invitation comes from him or from Crowley, each time Aziraphale eats contentedly and our demon watches him eat with satisfaction.
Crowley can therefore be said to be initiating Aziraphale into the pleasures of the flesh, which he will indulge in to the fullest. Aziraphale is a hedonist who loves refined and special things: from antique books to bespoke clothing, passing records, tea and sushi. He loves the objects he surrounds himself with and treats them with care: remember the white gloves he wears before leafing through the only existing copy of Agnes Nutter's Prophecies!
Aziraphale delights in touching his surroundings, and we have already talked about how his predominant love language is physical contact. As much as he can control himself, he touches our demon every time he gets his hands on him. He cannot help it. He desires it, and while Aziraphale has not realised this for the better part of 6,000 years on Earth, in the last century he has come to acknowledge it openly.
This leads Aziraphale to experience another contradiction: he wants to have more physical contact with Crowley, but he cannot. Crowley is a demon, he is the enemy, he is everything he abhors, but the angel he was is always there, alive, before his eyes, and it is out of love for that angel that Aziraphale accepts Metatron's proposal, faced with the prospect of being able to take Crowley back to Paradise with him. So they could be together, in the sunlight, with the approval of God and all, in an angelic way.
But Crowley unexpectedly, desperately, refuses.
Our angel feels betrayed, but has no choice but to accept Crowley's will.
Here is the irreparable, the ultimate temptation our demon could offer: a kiss, a last desperate cry for love, a plea for help, a series of meanings too great to be expressed in words. Crowley grabs Aziraphale by the lapels and for a few very long seconds their lips meet.
Aziraphale has never experienced anything like this before (probably not even Crowley) and feelings stir inside him that he has never even been able to name. Feelings that frighten him, feelings that bring back his contempt for himself and his being far from angelic nature. Aziraphale desires Crowley, discovers that he wants to be kissed by a demon (as the writers of the show themselves have revealed to us), and all of this clashes with everything he has ever been. He has just witnessed the contempt of angels and demons for the love of Beelzebub and Gabriel, he has just risked extinction for helping the fugitive Archangel, and yet Crowley tempts him with a sweet and terrible kiss.
But Aziraphale is an angel, and as such he loves and forgives.
So he forgives Crowley.
But Crowley, by definition, is unforgivable: disappointed and embittered by his beloved's rejection, he leaves.
Aziraphale does not really want to go to Paradise, but his desire to be part of the herd, his need to be loved and accepted by his faction, drives him to go, to do what is right, what is expected of him as an angel.
As he gets into the lift and asks Metatron what his task will be, he discovers that he will have to deal with the very thing he had already averted in the past: the Second Coming, the Last Judgement. He realises his mistake, realises that he is trapped, and once again wonders if he should do what is right or what he must do.
This time, however, it wins what he must: after one last look at Crowley, watching from afar, Aziraphale climbs into the lift with Metatron that will take him to Paradise. His trauma is so deep and ingrained that it has removed any prospect of being worthy of love except in the light of divine approval.
Although leaving everything he loves - Crowley, Earth, the Library - causes him enormous pain, Aziraphale must return to Paradise and fulfil his destiny.
More infos at Religious trauma syndrome - Wikipedia
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Help Khalid Sisters in Gaza not to be Homeless
Hello Dear,
We, (Najwa, Jana, Farah, and Maryam), are the sisters of Shaheed Khalid Saed Ash-Shawwah, who was martyred on 07/31/24 along with Al Jazeera correspondent Ismail Al-Ghoul and his colleague, photographer Rami Al-Rifi . Khalid was our older and only brother and he was a great support for us and others. As you may heard Khalid’s story in the news, he was bombed while he was riding his bicycle coming back from delivering food to our old and injured neighbors.
Before the IDF forces killed our brother Khalid, they forced us to evacuate our house and left everything behind. They then destroyed our house and our father’s restaurant. We had to move at least 10 times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed.
Currently, the 4 of us and our parents, are living devastating and sad life in a bombed room in Gaza. It is extremely difficult for us to get the basic needs of food, water, and shelter.
We sincerely hope you can empathize with our dire situation and consider supporting us. We are raising funds in order to be able to pay the rising cost of basic necessities in north Gaza. Our family is large and the cost of survival in north Gaza is astronomical. If you have anything you can spare, we implore you to support us. From where you are right now, you personally can help save our lives in north Gaza.
Please donate and/or replog 🥺🙏🇵🇸
Hello Dear, We, (Najwa, Jana, Farah, and Maryam), the sisters of Shahe… Nesma Khazendar needs your support for Help Khalid Sisters in Gaza
Please reblog our post, follow us @khalid-Sisters and boost our posts, and repost the link to our campaign across all your social media.
Your generosity has the power to make a significant difference, and will give us hope that there will a better future waiting for us once the war stops.
We ask God to bless you and your families and to protect you all from all calamities and to never make you feel or go through what we are going through.
Vetted By: @olagaza @tahseenkhazen, @determinate-negation @northgazaupdates
“The girl that stresses over you and is the most “clingy” is the one who really cares about your dumbass , don’t take that for granted”
— @thesexualquotes (via thesexualquotes)
💋
(via babyablaze)
despite everything.
like can you imagine if you, as a housed person, said "oh man im really struggling financially right now I can't pay my bills- my electric is going to be cut off, my car might get repossessed, and I definitely can't afford to get a new laptop after mine broke"
and someone who had a lot more money than you said "I can help you!" and you were like"oh my god great thank you so much-" and then they just offered to take you to olive garden. and you say "hey man that's really nice but I'm actually okay on food right now, I really just need to pay some of these bills. I already got food somewhere else (foodstamps, friends, food pantries) and I really just need money. if you can't do it that's fine but I don't need food"
and the rich person said "you must not really need money or be poor then or else you'd take me up on my offer. I bet you were going to use that money on drugs anyway"
that's what yall sound like when you refuse to give homeless people money & just offer to buy them food
food is great! if you need it and that's what you're asking for. unfortunately food doesn't buy clothes, hygiene products, shelter, pay a phone bill, or yes even buy drugs or alcohol if you're going into detox and can't do so safely without literally dying
Image of a text that reads: In conversation with some coworkers, today, one of them said that homeless people should have to work for their meals just like the rest of us.
I said, "Okay, I know a man who is homeless. He'd be happy to work. He's got a business degree. He would be happy to come clean your house, do your yard work, or help you with your filing, walk your dogs, babysit your kids, or just about any office job. What time tomorrow should he come see you?"
They all just looked at me.
I said, "Mind you, he's homeless, so he hasn't showered in a while and the only clothes he has are the ones on his back because he lost all his stuff last week when ge got picked up for vagrancy and they wouldn't let him go back for his bag. It would be a few weeks before what you are paying him is enough to get shelter and such."
And still they stared at me.
I finished, "See? It isn't that easy. He can't get a job because he's homeless with no access to hot water or clean clothes. He can't get access to shelter, hot water or clean clothes without a job. You want him to work for his meals? Give him a hand out of the vicious circle. Stop pretending that all he has to do is get a job."
Unhoused people are not intruders into our communities, they are our communities’ failure to take care of their own.
queer people are allowed to have multiple queer identities, even if you think that any of them "contradict" each other. queer people do not have to pick just one letter of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. we are not stuck with a singular choice, we can have as many, or as few, as we want. i've never understand people who say 'you cant be x because you're y' because this is the queer (meaning 'strange'!) community, we're supposed to accept everyone, especially the people with identities you've never heard of before and multiples of them, you can't suddenly start forcing people into 1 box and 1 box only. that's not the point. like people experience. let people express.
please read by Mary Ruefle
My favorite part about being sapphic is when the things I love about other women become things I love about myself. One day I was tracing another woman’s stretch marks in a dim bedroom light. And then, seemingly by accident, I was doing it to myself in my bathroom mirror. I loved the feeling of a full hand of flesh when I grabbed a woman’s hips, and then mine didn’t need to be so skinny anymore. I looked at a woman’s lower stomach pudge and thought it was so soft and cute, then never wanted a flat stomach again. Loving women can be so healing when you come from a world that doesn’t.
This deserves a reblog!
please share Gaza is losing power once again!!!!
[ID: tweet from Yara Eid (@/yaraeid_) on november 15th, 2023 that reads: “The Palestinian telecommunication company has announced that they've run out of fuel and they are only relying on batteries that are shutting down as well. They have also announced that this will lead to complete media blackout. I am already unable to reach my mother. In the next hours l'Il lose touch with everyone in Gaza again. I won't even be able to call them intentionally as networks are cutoff. Every time they cut the telecommunications, they committed the most horrific crimes. Urge the international community to stop this blackout!!! Now! #KeepGazaConnected” End ID.]
Naarm/Melbourne, Australia (19/11/2023)- the Starbucks and the McDonald’s on Swanston Street are both completely closed.
Teen should not be a porn category pass it on
Growing up with emotionally immature parents brings you to self sacrifice. You start hiding your true feelings, dreams and even parts of who you really are in order to not disappoint them and how they see the world and what's better for you, but also to save yourself from possible negative/harsh feedback and abuse in general.
You grow emotionally distant from yourself, and you keep this distance out of habit also in your adulthood, where you carry shame and self hatred for these parts of you, unable to see their beauty and uniqueness.
Try to come back to those parts of you, to stop banishing them: they aren't wrong or scary. They are also a side of you that need love and appreciation, no matter what you were made to believe or if you had to keep a distance from them to save yourself. You can come back, you can change. And you can ask for help too.
source instagram