George

I'm waiting to find out why my brain works the way it does! 21-year-old resident of England. I enjoy writing/producing music, reading non-fiction, watching shows and listening to reggae. My best friend is a one-eyed cat named Dexter.

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

loneliness is killing me

I hate staring at the same things every day I hate being so unorganized nobody is around I have some online friends but they fade fast I don't know what to do

[myautisticpov]

So, who else here struggled to pick up the “go away, you’re not wanted” social cue as a kid, which has made them so overly cautious as an adult that they end up having cool conversations with cool people but don’t want to be too friendly in case they’re missing the cue, and so end up making those cool people think that you don’t want to be friends with them?

Because, like, this is the Number One Thing that has fucked me up as an adult and I am so grateful to my friends who didn’t stop talking to me while I slowly figured out that, yes, they did actually want to be friends.

[thesilentgazer]

People who talk to themselves are crazy.

Or maybe they’re just really lonely.

-gazergirl // conversations inside my head #2

[ptsd-tiger]

i hate having to ask or beg for interaction because everyone has others they’d rather talk to than me

[supremesaudi]

Stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.

[kevingetem]

if your girlfriend not your bestfriend what’s the point

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

A snapshot of me just before therapy. I went today and we focused on anxiety - they’ll come back to the ASD theory a few weeks down the line. It’s hard coping with loneliness and I feel a bit flat/weird posting these things to be honest, but I have no other way to vent. I’m in such a weird place.

[jude-the-one-eyed-cat]

He’s been looking at me like this for 20 minutes

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

looks just like my dexter!

[theskints]

Nearly 54,000 views for Out My Mind on YouTube! Big up Chris Hugall on this one and thanks to everyone supporting! Out My Mind is available now on the new deluxe edition of Part & Parcel on Bomber Music / Penny Drop Recordings Buy Now on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/par… CD + Vinyl: http://www.bombermusic.bigcartel.com/… Merch Store: http://www.backstreet-merch.com/store…

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

A minor success

I upsold a customer today! She said our bottles of whiskey were too large, and I told her to get a big one so she could save some for a rainy day. She then bought some whiskey. 

I work in retail and I find my shifts much easier when the customers are happier. Everybody seemed to be in a good mood today. I love mondays...?

[imaginarybatman]

Does anyone else walk around and talk to themselves, their pets, or inanimate ovjects constantly? Like full conversations and personifying objects?

For example: As I pick up my backpack to go to school, I joyfully say “Alright, bookbag! Time to go to school! Goodbye, Tigerlily. I’ll see you later!” (Tigerlily is my cat)

Or when I put something back into my bookbag, I’ll say “Okay, now it’s your turn to go in the bag!”

Or maybe just constantly having one-way conversations with myself, pets, and objects.

My husband heard me do it for the first time today and had a fit about me being crazy and not to do it again. It’s normal for me. Anyone else that way?

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

Just had the “why wasn’t I taken to a professional until I asked to at 16″ talk. I probably sounded ungrateful but I DEFINITELY wasn’t a normal kid. I feel like shit. Maybe I should’ve stayed quiet. My sister wanted to have me taken to get screened but my parents refused to/didn’t have room to care because of their own diseases. It’s not their fault, but it is, but it isn’t, and I’m confused, and I’m mad, and I have nothing to be mad at but the natural order of things.

[v-lucas]

FX Electric compil

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

this looks like how i think

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

Reasons I might NOT be ASD:

just trying to think objectively because I know I can get carried away going one way instead of the other

+ I have an uncontrollable urge to talk to just about anybody and everybody that I can with good social reason, yet suppress this urge so that I may maximise the number of people I talk to over time

+ Some rare days my energy levels are through the roof

+ I have an unbelievable amount of ‘potential emotion’ built up that needs releasing. I am a hopeless romantic and I don’t know how to deal with it. I haven’t seen this feeling explored online - by just about anybody, really.

+ I don’t have obsessive interests anymore, but this might be a result of repressing them in an attempt to become more socially desirable.

+ I’m obsessed with other people - how they think, how they spend time together, everything. my idea of heaven would be being in a room full of people who just intrinsically get along like a house on fire

seeing therapist tomorrow and hopefully can ground myself in reality a bit more after speaking to her

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

worry diary

very helpful for getting a profile of your mind. therapy is great

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

Dexter, the saviour.

[tribulationsofgeorge-blog]

Appointment tomorrow!

I’ve got my third CBT session tomorrow. Over the past week, I’ve had to fill out a ‘worry diary’ which helps break down my anxieties in to their rawest form. I’ve found it to be immensely helpful for getting through my day at work. I’ve graphed my anxiety levels from the sheet and I seem to have a spike towards the end of my shifts at work.

I’m sure my therapist will know what to do with regards to an ASD diagnosis. I feel she’ll suggest that I hold back for a while - she’s very gentle with her suggestions and I can’t tell whether she’s brainstorming, or trying to introduce me to the idea of being on the spectrum in a gentle way that wouldn’t ‘offend’ me. I haven’t seen many therapists but she’s great at it and I’m glad to have been assigned to somebody so understanding.