Artistic Fool Blues

Make good choices. If you can't do that; Make good stories.- Perry M

[tricksterquill]

Here is my new tumblr which will be my main account now that I have to make the switch. This one will be more focused on my content across platforms, but will still be mainly original content and writing. Chdck it out, follow it, can't wait to rebuild on a tabula rasa.

[tricksterquill]

I think I may have to start a new blog, because I cannot for the life of me get anyone to help me with this one and passwords, and old email addresses. It sucks, I have so much on here that I will just lose because I can't speak to an actual person about verifying my account. Tonight sucks.

[tricksterquill]

Be someone you aren't Believe you are not someone you should want to be Turn on your nature Defile your soul And wonder late at night staring at the nothing you hold Wondering where your light went Or make the difficult choice Break the ego and vanity Stop being, stop trying Permit your nature to take you Exist How can something else be worse than this

Perry M. // Philosophy

[tricksterquill]

I always stopped her when she said she loved me, covering my ears and babbling nonsense. I can stand her not being capable of loving me, but I could not tolerate her lying about it.

Perry M. // Relationship

[tricksterquill]

I will never forget the day I pushed you away The day I started to heal learning so quick that you're toxic And your poison was killing me A letter said you were better but how can I believe anything you say is true Just know this Years later and I still... I still love you

Perry M. // Relationship

[tricksterquill]

Why didn't you treat me better Do I deserve the hurt disregard lack of love your actions cause I thought I was there for you I thought I was good to you I would prefer it be my fault rather than you being a bad person I cannot bleed anymore I have run out of parts of me to sacrifice You stole my heart Shattered my soul Broke my will Left me alone And still I pray This is my fault and you'll forgive the fact that I was hurt when you wounded me And come back to me

Perry M. // Relationship - Abuse

[tricksterquill]

Rage flows like rage often flows in surges unyielding Rage rooted in pain Failed acceptance Gods help me I want to stop wanting to hurt others Let me accept my pain Let me move on Just let me rest Or let the rage consume me But I do not wish to be driven to hurting others This is testament to how evil it is To harm To hurt To not love someone back Rage... Rage flows

Perry M. // Problems

[tricksterquill]

It's easier to write as though I still love you It feels better than knowing yesterday I forgot your name That I spoke of you telling of your green eyes only to remember they are hazel How many years divide us That I can barely see your face in my memory

Perry M. // Relationship

[tricksterquill]

I'm at my best when I permit my worst Vanity, insecurity Rage, desire Have I grown so much Am I better now That those are so far away They barely belong to me But is this version of self Truly superior When I feel so hollow There has to be more than just waiting to die

Perry M. // Problems

[tricksterquill]

I want to be as perfect as a song I want to be loved no matter how many times I am heard

Perry M. // Self

[tricksterquill]

I hide my self from almost all yet I am offended When no one knows me The real me

Perry M. // Problems

[tricksterquill]

Don't love me like you'll never see me again Or how you loved the one before me Don't love me in a way that makes sense Don't love me in silence or sound For me just try not thinking in metaphors or analogies Love me in the moment without trying to understand it Sink into every second along side me We can deal with later another time We can travel back and live each other's past But for now just be here For a moment Let me know its real Because if I ever get to later I want to say for certain We were here together Both wholly in love

Perry M. // Smitten

[tricksterquill]

Tonight is a hard night I am forgetting all my reasons to stay in this world But sleep is the cousin of death So heaven is a dream Dreams fade Reality sets in Gods, give me the power to remember what I forget Let me see one more light I know better  than my wish to sleep endless I need that power to make reality the envy of dreams

Perry M. // Depression

[tricksterquill]

My depression causes me to question it all and everything My rage promises me answers and solutions Both seek destruction Both turn on me I their keeper Or have they imprisoned me

Perry M. // Mental State

[tricksterquill]

I've fallen out of love with you Such a shame That love rests above hate I've fallen out of hate with you Now I'd give anything to feel something about you again Less than a ghost More than a photo Moving on was supposed to be easier

Perry M. // Relationship

[tricksterquill]

I regret all the things I didn't fight for Still searching for something worth dying for Every day I question what I am living for Loss, failures, luck, fate I had a chance to be loved by another I turned her away I wasted a choice to bring my world down sickly phoenix aching for rebirth I cannot be me And who I've been Forgive me my mistakes but I cannot make another Let my world fall Let me ignite Today I burn away everything I was Your love for me is my victim Your love is the fuel for this pyre Pray that I will be a better me I don't want to burn for nothing Anymore

Perry M. // Depression

[tricksterquill]

I still weep for the child I was Good natured Decent I regret that I am who this world has shaped him into

Perry M. // Youth