worn out

just some of my thoughts

[trulyexhausted]

You are appreciated

Thank you <3

[trulyexhausted]

i think the most depressing thing i told the psychiatrist last time was that no matter how hard i am trying and how i don't want to die i keep getting worse

[trulyexhausted]

I am a failure

I can't give my best with the mental health i have

I can't do anything

Everyone else is progressing

I am useless and stuck

Worthless

[trulyexhausted]

Im so tired of my sister tomorrow she comes to visit but being around her is exhausting

[trulyexhausted]

Im tired of my mom threatening to kill herself

You arent the only one wanting to be dead

But if i say it i am selfish

Then what are you

[trulyexhausted]

There's no way out

[trulyexhausted]

I keep lying to others and to myself saying that there's always a way out

But no matter how hard i try, i get worse

I'm trying so bad yet the pain is insufferable

It's a lost battle against myself

[trulyexhausted]

There's nothing left for me to be alive

[trulyexhausted]

I want to express many things but i feel like i am choking, while i have nobody to go to

[trulyexhausted]

Insomnia kills you little by little

First you think it's just a bad night, bad week, bad month

But it never gets better

You do everything in your hand to get better but nothing works

This is a dead end for me

[trulyexhausted]

Not sleeping is making me insane. I can't think, i can't read, i can't study, i can't live. I can't take naps, i can't rest no matter how exhausted i am, i am delusional, and i can't take any of this anymore

[trulyexhausted]

for once in +6 years my wounds are healing without self harming as often

[trulyexhausted]

i recently read the bell jar, by sylvia plath. I relate a lot to most of the things she mentions, about how she feels or what she thinks. What doesn't console me is that she ended up killing herself

[trulyexhausted]

everything hurts

i can't sleep, i am so tired

what will i achieve being like this?

[trulyexhausted]

Body dysmorphia eats you alive. It deceives you until you lose all sense of reality. I keep losing weight yet I am seeing myself getting more fat in the reflection, it doesn't make any sense

I gotta stop looking at my body, I have to worry only about my health. Stop using the scale, taking thousands of photos or videos of myself, stop measuring myself or obsessing over food, or it will get worse

[trulyexhausted]

It causes me so much pain to think about my ex. We left it in a bad spot, I am trying to keep it as friends, but he is so suicidal. He said he would kill himself soon, when I tried to break up with him for the first time, when he became 25. It's his birthday today, he hasn't given signs of life for days. He keeps doing this, vanishing. I would give him space with little to no issues, but I keep thinking about what if he did it. What if he does it soon. I keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and my body begins to ache, I get deeply depressed, I can't sleep.

I can't take this anymore.

[trulyexhausted]

I was feeling slightly better these months because I was able to ignore many things and we had more distance, but recently we started talking more and I am going to the same deep black pit I went through last year and I don’t want to go through it again

[trulyexhausted]

It causes me so much pain to think about my ex. We left it in a bad spot, I am trying to keep it as friends, but he is so suicidal. He said he would kill himself soon, when I tried to break up with him for the first time, when he became 25. It's his birthday today, he hasn't given signs of life for days. He keeps doing this, vanishing. I would give him space with little to no issues, but I keep thinking about what if he did it. What if he does it soon. I keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and my body begins to ache, I get deeply depressed, I can't sleep.

I can't take this anymore.