such a fool for you

GIL TRAVERS SEVENTEEN HUFFLEPUFF the drought was the very WORST. when the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst ;; rain came POURING down when I was drowning && that's when I could finally BREATHE && by morning gone was any trace of you... I think I am finally clean

[trvverrsx]

  rowan was watching the chaos unfold with a smile on his face – he lived for chaos, loved seeing the PANIC on the faces of his fellow students as they struggled to fend off their attackers. most of them likely hadn’t paid attention in class ages ago when they learned about the creatures so they had no idea WHY their stunning spells were failing them. he found it hilarious. he’d been about to turn to leave when he’d heard a familiar voice down the hall, one that couldn’t be mistake for anyone other than his brother – GILBERT TRAVERS.                          

                        gilbert travers. even his name elicited feelings of rage.

  as far as rowan was concerned, gilbert was an embarrassment – unfit to bear their last name due to his allegiances and his dalliances with mudbloods and blood traitors. for as long as he could remember they’d been on opposite sides { though sometimes he felt like he was missing something, that maybe things hadn’t always been that way }  and he was tired of living with the scorn on their family name. sure, maybe he HAD tried to kill him during that quidditch game, but that was nothing compared to what he’d do to him given the right circumstances. as much as their family resented him, often ridiculed and neglected him, he was still their son and they’d never wish ill on him. rowan, however, did not have the same hang-ups. given the opportunity, he’d take the shot – RID him of his afflictions once and for all. so maybe he sent one of the creatures in his brother’s directoin, hoping it would do the job for him.

a voice catching up with him only a few moments later made him realize he’d been wrong, and he sighed as he turned to face his brother. he tucked the old boot into his robes pocket, not giving him an opportunity to snag it, as he rolled his eyes. “brother, brother, brother,” he tutted with a shake of his head, “always thinking that you can REDEEM people… that EVERYONE needs to be saved. it’s you that needs to see the right path, the right WAY. i’ve given you more than enough chances, don’t you think?” he pulled his wand from his pocket, training it on his brother as he spoke. “you’re right, we’ve had our differences, but you’re wrong about one thing.. it IS too late,” his lips widened into a smile, flicking his wand as he cast the CRUCIATUS curse on his younger brother, “for you.”

[trvvers]

             he didn’t scream as rowan’s spell hit him square in the chest. his knees buckled as he hit the ground, tasting blood in his mouth as he bit down on his tongue. he couldn’t control the spasming, the EXCRUCIATING pain, but he’d take it. he could take it... he’d watched lily go through worse and come out the other side. it was thoughts of her strength that kept him sane as the curse seemed to go on and on forever, finally slumping to the ground, breathing hard, when rowan relented. 

his vision was spotty, white spots coming away when he blinked, but he wasn’t about to stay down and just accept defeat. rowan might not have thought that he was above saving, but gilbert knew that he was -- he knew there was SOMETHING good still in there, even if most of him had been burned out by whatever hell their parents had subjected him to when he was younger. “you can torture me all you want,” he grit out, “but it won’t change my mind. it won’t change how i feel... how i know right from wrong.” rowan was already laughing at him again, but he was so consumed that he didn’t see gilbert’s wand come up until it was too late. “i’ll show you - i’ll help you remember. 

                         screwing his eyes shut, he cast his spell --   “Legilimens!”

it was something he’d always been interested in, the mind. there were memories you forgot you had until you learned how to sort through them, categorize them in your head. by invading rowan’s mind, he hoped that he could FIND those good memories from when they were younger, when he was INNOCENT, and try to bring him back to the light. his brother had never bothered to learn how to defend his mind -- he’d been too arrogant to think that anyone would be able to penetrate it. images swam before his eyes as he sorted through them, most of them making feel horror and revulsion and ultimately PITY for his brother. he really didn’t feel much of anything, all of those feelings and emotions burned out by what had done to him, and all his early memories seemed to be cloaked in darkness that he had trouble sifting through. it had been his last hope, and he was FAILING. 

              a laugh. two small children were running around in a field, chasing  a small black tabby around in circles. the first fell, crying out when he skinned his knee, and the older stopped beside him. he told him it would be okay, that it wouldn’t hurt forever, and handed him a small toy rabbit he pulled from his pocket. 

almost as soon as the memory appeared, it was gone. and in its wake was his brother, eyes wide and FURIOUS, as he stared him down. gilbert could only hope that it changed his mind, made him think twice about what he was doing, and could bring him back to the light.

[trvvers]

@trvverrs

gilbert was on his way back from the library when the attack started. the creatures rose up from the floor, black and billowy, and at first he was confused -- what were they, and how had they gotten there? he heard someone shout the name -- LETHIFOLD -- and wracked his brain to figure out where he knew it from. it sounded familiar but he couldn’t remember... not until he saw another student cast a wispy attempt at a patronus charm to stave it off. 

‘crap, it’s like... like a baby dementor.” he muttered under his breath, rolling out of its way in case it decided to spring back while he pulled his wand out. he screwed his eyes shut and pointed, shouting the charm -- “EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

.                  thoughts sprung to mind. he thought of his family when they were           younger, before rowan was dark and twisted beyond all reason, before things    were complicated and messy, and he was a stranger in his own home. he thought of lily -- thought of how lovely she’d looked sprawled out in the meadow by her house, hair pillowing around her head, and how HAPPY they’d been together over the summer. then he thought of his friends, of charity bringing him cookies when they were both sad, or concerned people checking in on him after the quidditch match. he had reasons to be happy, to feel that his life was full, and these memories helped him cause his patronus ( a silver raccoon, darting at the creature ) to ward off the monster intent on hurting them. 

when the light faded away, gilbert brought his wand down to his side. it was then that he noticed he wasn’t alone in the corridor anymore. standing across from him was his brother, a look of concentration as he held something in his hand. it was... an old boot? brow furrowed, gilbert realized it could only mean one thing.

              these creatures were a distraction. there was something more SINISTER happening outside of the castle walls. something his brother was involved with. it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did but he couldn’t help but feel crushed. he loved his brother, despite every reason he had not to, and he couldn’t just let him march off to what was sure to be a TERRIBLE decision that would make it impossible to turn back from. most would say that he was insane, that there was no way he could save rowan at this point, but he had to try. he was his BROTHER. 

“stop!” he called out, sprinting towards his brother as if to stop him before he took that last step, jumped off the edge that there was no coming back from. “don’t do this... please! you don’t need to do this. i know you... i know we’ve had our differences but you don’t need to do this. it’s not too late. we’re... we’re FAMILY, ro. don’t do this. PLEASE.”

[heavenburdened]

         ✝ ❛ — ( dark brown eyes peered through the night, squinting beneath gently furrowed brows. who was the figure in the dark ? who was the figure who had stumbled across lorcan at his most saddened ; at his most vulnerable ? after a few short moments, the young slytherin’s focused hues grew wide with realisation -— “ gilbert … ? ” the way that the hufflepuff’s name rolled off of lorcan’s tongue sounded like it was a question, and revelation, all in one. a question -— what on earth was gilbert doing all the way out here, by himself, in the dark ? ( although, the exact same thing could have been asked of lorcan ). a revelation -— if anyone were entitled to an evening of lonely akeside moping, it was gilbert travers, no contest. 

          “ no -— i ; … uh -— please … sit. ” knees still hugged right up close to his chest, lorcan only managed a tiny shuffle to the side, though the gesture was quite clear, no matter how small : gilbert travers was more than welcome. nevertheless, a brief silence fell over the two young seekers -— the giant squid in water just in front of them growing suddenly still, as if it understood the situation unfurling. “ you weren’t hurt today, i hope ? -— … i mean ; -— rowan, and … ” out of words to say already, lorcan chanced a glance gilbert’s way ; trying to gauge through his just how TERRIBLY he’d messed this conversation up from the very start. no, lorcan wasn’t going to make gilbert speak of rowan. that wasn’t his place -— he had no right. 

          “ it’s all so very SUFFOCATING at times, isn’t it ? being cooped up with the same people all day, every day, for most of the year ; with all their prejudices, dramas & judgements. that’s why i took up quidditch ; … to fly away from it all -— to ride the wind & be free. though, today’s match made me realise that i should’ve known that flying away from everything could’ve only ever been a fantasy. ” lorcan didn’t even know where to BEGIN as he began to wonder why in the world he was sharing something so personal & revealing about himself -— but something about gilbert travers screamed of loneliness, just like lorcan knew himself to be -— and this imagined, shared sense of isolation that lorcan felt between the two of them compelled him to speak with more vulnerability than he would usually expose. the young slytherin let out a slow exhale, then breathing in the crisp night air as she turned ever so slightly to glance over at gilbert once more. “ is everything alright ? ”

[trvvers]

                       while the shift didn’t free up infinite amounts of space, it was enough. gilbert settled down beside lorcan, mimicking his position as he drew his knees up to his chest. he’d spent the whole day defending his brother’s actions, explaining time and time again that he was fine, but he was TIRED of that speech. tired of pretending that there’d been no ill intent, that he was FINE with the fact that his brother { someone who’d once been his closest and only friend, when they were younger, before he fell ill }  had nothing but hate in his heart for him. if he even had a heart anymore. sometimes he wondered. the sound of a voice cutting through the silence shocked him at first, but after a moment’s pause he remembered -- he wasn’t alone, even if he’d been nearly CONSUMED by his thoughts. 

“no, i’m fine,” he replied softly, gaze still lingering on his shoes as he shook his head, “the bludger hit my broom, but dumbledore kept me from hitting the ground.” his lips twisting upwards into a ghost of a smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes. not that you could tell in the dark anyway. “he’s --”  it was a mistake, he didn’t mean to, it was an accident. all excuses that had been rolling off his tongue all day, all lingering in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to LIE again. not to lorcan, and not to himself. “no matter what i do,” he said finally, words said slowly and with purpose as if it challenged him to even think them, “he’s never going to see things the way i do. we’ll always be opposite each other. i can -- i can overlook his faults, his poor choices in judgement, but he can’t do the same. he’s -- he’s not capable of it.” it was the first time he’d ever admitted such out loud, and he couldn’t help but feel as if a weight had been removed from his shoulders. maybe it was unfair to burden lorcan with the load, a murmured apology whispered out between them as he finished, but the relief he felt was overwhelming. 

“flying is where you’re not supposed to have to deal with... with everything that goes on down below.” gilbert agreed, understanding where lorcan’s thought process was coming from. “it’s supposed to be, erm,” he searched for a word, “SAFE, maybe, but there are people who just... who want to take that safety away. it’s horrible.” he paused, a wry smile appearing on his face as he continued. “sometimes, i think, i think maybe people are horrible... some of them,” he added quickly, chancing a glance over at him. “not all of them.”

[impossiblc-blog]

“Gil, I’m just glad you didn’t end up in the Willow, okay? You’re in one piece and alive and that’s all that matters. If you broom ends up broken, I’ll help you buy a new one okay?” Even though she’s not a real fan of the game, he plays and that matters to her a lot. She giggles a bit at his reaction. Her hand lifts to her mouth to cover the sound and the smile as she giggled.

[trvvers]

               “oh no, no no -- that’s TOO kind of you, but i could never let you do that.” gilbert replied with a shake of his head, his cheeks coloring as she laughed. he couldn’t even imagine taking something so expensive from someone, even if he needed it. it just wasn’t who he was. “the school always has brooms i can borrow, should i need them... i’m just GLAD that i haven’t.”

[evansiism]

she wasn’t sure how to respond to his question. how were you meant to tell someone how you TRULY feel without them actually knowing? although, at this point, she was certain that he had an idea of how she felt. ‘ i’m glad you’re ok, ’ she replied, a small smile tugging up the corner of her lips, then leaving just as quick as it had come. ‘ did you want an h o n e s t answer or the one that would make us both think about what a lie that really is? ’ the question left the redhead before she even had time to think about what she was saying. ‘ i don’t know, i want to say i’m fine so it’s a little easier for you – but i also don’t want to sugarcoat it because you’ve left me confused and hurt? there is just a lot of jumbled emotions, ’ she explained. ‘ when did you stop caring about me is the main thing i’ve been wondering. is that something you c a n answer…? ’

[trvvers]

           he should have expected her response. he really should have. instead all he felt was the STING of hurt washing over him -- hurt that was all of his doing. it seemed ludicrous that lily could think he’d stopped caring about her but given that he’d given her no reason to suggest otherwise... he supposed he could understand her confusion. but keeping her in the dark was keeping her safe, wasn’t it? as far as he knew, rowan had left well enough alone ever since they broke up. THAT was what motivated him to keep quiet, to press his lips tight together and keep everything inside; lily’s safety. “i never did,” he finally managed to get out after a silence that was prolonged far too long, swallowing thickly as he spoke, “it’s -- it’s complicated, things. things are, erm, complicated.”

[xencphilivs-blog]

‘ it appears that i have misplaced my w a n d. either that or someone took it… ’ his tone is just barely accusatory, not wanting to come off as rude. ‘ i doubt it was the NARGLES …again. ’ yes, again and honestly it probably happens too often. ‘ you haven’t seen it, have you? ’

[trvvers]

             “i haven’t seen a wand lying around.” gilbert informed the other student, a frown settling over his features. your wand was like a part of you, an extension of yourself, and he couldn’t imagine how DISCONCERTING it must have felt to be without it. “i can help you look for it? it’s a shame that ‘accio xeno’s wand’ wouldn’t work... it would make the search MUCH easier.”

[alcngbcttcm-blog]

     ‘ well, what can i say other than you should really be more careful where you abandon your belongings. someone with malicious intent might end up stumbling across them next. as for me, i honestly mistook this for my potions notebook. ‘

[trvvers]

             “and you did... what, exactly, with what you THOUGHT was your notebook?” gilbert questioned, more than a little NERVOUS at the idea of what someone like alecto could get up to with his belongings. were he lucky, the worst thing that would have happened would be that she spilled something on it. now if she’d destroyed it... well, those were all of his notes from the beginning of term and he’d be SCREWED come exam time.

[ophelianortxn-deactivated201803]

Charity knew it was unusual, her coming up her so late, bothering him while he’s in his pajamas. But she needed to talk, and Gil was the only person who would really, TRULY understand what she was going through. She followed him into the dorm room and gave the biggest grin she could muster. “The house elves are literally the greatest chefs in the whole world,” Charity commented, sitting down on the couch and nodding. “Of course. We could always go out to the common room if necessary, I just…” She paused and then looked at him. “I heard about Lily and yourself and I just wanted to bring these to you because I also broke up with James and…” She shrugged, not knowing if she needed to say more. “You were the first person that I wanted to talk to.”

[trvvers]

             to say that he was surprised would have been an understatement. it seemed like he’d seen james and charity walking down the hall, hand in hand, just a few days ago and everything had seemed fine. though, admittedly, before the attack on hogsmeade, the same could have been said about him and lily.  “that’s really sweet of you.” he said with a smile, reaching for one of the cookies as e took a bite, nodding his head appreciatively as he chewed and swallowed. “these are really good -- you’re right.”  he paused for a moment when she trailed off, wondering if there was some conclusion that he was supposed to be drawing from her silence. “are you, erm, are you... okay?”

[ophelianortxn-deactivated201803]

@trvvers

Charity knew exactly who she wanted to talk to after the previous night’s happenings, and it surprised her to find out who it was. But, it made sense. He had just broken up with Lily himself, and she wondered if, PARTLY, it was for the same reasons that she had broken up with James. After making her way to the kitchens, and asking the house elves to make some baked goods (and then giving them some of the extras for their hard work), she snuck in to the Hufflepuff common room and headed up to Gilbert Travver’s dorm. Knocking on his door, she waited for him to open up before smiling a bit and saying, “I thought you could use some treats.”

[trvvers]

            to say that gilbert was surprised to see charity would have been an understatement. it was quite late -- far past curfew -- and he honestly wished he was looking slightly more presentable than he currently was with his wild hair and frayed pajama pants. blinking slowly, he tried to process exactly what was happening as he noticed three things in quick succession. the first was that it was, in fact, charity standing outside his door, the second was that she looked quite sad, and the third being that there was a plate of cookies balance in her hand. “erm, hello,” he greeted her, hoping he didn’t sound as SHOCKED as he felt, offering up a smile as he motioned for her to come in. “wow, those look really good... thank you, that’s so nice of you.” the other students sharing his room appeared to be asleep, curtains drawn and everything, so he motioned for her to follow him across the room towards the couch as he cast a silencing spell around them. “so we don’t wake them,” he explained, not wanting her to think he had ULTERIOR MOTIVES or anything of the sort, “i wouldn’t, erm, want to be rude..”

[impossiblc-blog]

“I was very scared, Gilbert. I thought that something terrible was going to happen to you- I mean, more terrible than falling from your broom.” She’s quick to add the second part, realizing how it sounded the moment it came from her mouth. “I’m just glad you’re okay, but what a rotten thing for your brother to do to you.” She makes a sour face, nose scrunches up and lips purse.

[trvvers]

           “i’m rather lucky that my broom didn’t blow away.” he admitted, thinking about it for the first time. “it was rainy up there, it could have blown straight into the WHOMPING WILLOW and ended up in a half dozen pieces.” he shuddered. “that might, erm, might actually be worse than getting hurt. bones heal but brooms... well, they’re EXPENSIVE.”

[ophelianortxn-deactivated201803]

“You are,” Charity said grinning, trying to pull the conversation away from the worry that she knew they both felt. She had never trusted the Travers family, and maybe that was why she took so long to get to know Gil. But, she was glad she had, finding him completely different from what she had come to EXPECT. “And, still selfishly, Gryffindor will kick your arses, I’m sure.” She winked at him before stuffing some more food in her mouth trying to turn the conversation around. “No offense or anything, of course. You’re a great player. But don’t tell James I’ve said that.”

[trvvers]

           charity was an unbelievably nice person. most people didn’t send him second glances because of his last name -- it made him UNTRUSTWORTHY, didn’t matter that he was a huffepuff and had nothing to do with his slytherin family members. his name carried a stigma, one that he’d gotten used to over his years at hogwarts. “sometimes i wish i was a gryffindor,” he admitted sheepishly, keeping his head down to hide the red spreading over his cheeks, “your quidditch team IS rather good... and we’re good, don’t get me wrong, but everyone always talks about the REAL competition being between slytherin and gryffindor.” he shrugged. “it’d just be interesting playing on the team everyone’s betting on.”

[emxryselwyn]

“Well I’m not sure it was just an accident,” Lucinda said, clearly miffed. “I don’t like it when people on our team bring their personal issues onto the court and your brother…” She took in a deep breath and said, quietly. “You don’t deserve that. You’re better.” She swallowed a bit and looked down, almost uncertain that she had even bothered to say that out loud. “Sorry, that was out of line. I’m just angry that he would even think of DOING such a thing.”

[trvvers]

           gilbert had assumed as much but to hear it confirmed from someone on the outside STUNG more than he could have expected. he nodded his head, swallowing thickly as he offered up a weak smile. “my brother and i have our issues, i suppose you could say,” he protested, not sure why he was defending someone who’d been bound and determined to HURT him not mere hours ago, “i’m sure he just... i’m sure he didn’t REALLY want to hurt me.”

[evansiism]

obviously, lily was STILL upset about what happened between them, something like that was not easy to get over. especially when she had cared so much. his tone lacked hope – that much had been obvious to her upon entering the room. the way he held himself now was as though he were t r y i n g to keep himself together. nodding her head, she pretending to be intrigued by the talk of quidditch, but she wasn’t. she was concerned. from what it looked like, rowan meant to cause his brother harm but she would not speak out on that. it was not her place. ‘ this is hard, ’ she muttered after a moment, a laugh leaving her lips. ‘ i still care for you and i’m trying not to for your sake but it’s a lot harder than it seems, ’ she confessed. ‘ u-um, nevermind that? i didn’t come here to question why you did it, ’ the gryffindor quickly spoke up. ‘ i wanted to come see if you were doing alright because i know from where i sat? i was freaking out for you. ’

[trvvers]

                 she looked so hurt. lily evans was one of the strongest people he knew and there she was, inquiring about HIM, when it was evident that she was the one who’d been hurt in all of this. he was scum, really, weak and unable to protect her from someone who’d mean harm to her if she got too close to him. he HATED that. he opened his mouth to speak but wasn’t quite sure he’d be able to get words out without doing something drastic -- screaming, crying, maybe both, he wasn’t sure. none of this was far; not to her, and not to him. but what choice did he have? rowan had just tried to kill him { there was no sugarcoating it, it had been no accident } and as far as he was concerned, he’d rather his brother’s interests be focused on him than the girl he’d fallen in love with. it was better this way. 

once he felt like he was able to speak, he nodded his head once as he fought to keep his voice level. “i’m good. it looked worse than it was, i’m sure.” he added, defending his brother though he didn’t deserve it in the slightest. it was who gilbert was... even the worst of the worst he could never turn his back on. not his own flesh and blood. “and are you... are you doing... okay?” it was a question that he hated to ask, but he needed to know. he needed to know that he’d made the right choice, that he HADN’T just made things infinitely worse by ending things.

[emxryselwyn]

Lucinda wouldn’t be here if she didn’t think that it wasn’t right what Rowan did. She felt actually GUILTY that she had allowed anything like this to happen in the first place. Heaving in a deep breath of air, she sat down across from Gilbert and raised an eyebrow. “Well, whatever you say. But on behalf of the rest of us, I’m sorry. I didn’t know he’d do that to you.”

[trvvers]

             gilbert couldn’t help but wince at the apology. it didn’t seem right, rowan’s teammates apologizing for his actions, but what he could do? merlin knows his brother wouldn’t be about to do it himself. ”thank you,” he murmured, shooting lucinda a smile. he didn’t know her that well, but she didn’t reek of EVIL the way some slytherins did. she seemed nice. “i’m sure it was just an accident.” he reiterated, though they both knew it WASN’T. 

[ophelianortxn-deactivated201803]

“Gilbert…” Charity trailed off shaking her head. How do you tell someone that a bludger, sent by their brother didn’t LOOK like an accident? “I’m glad you’re okay, at least. And I’m sure Hufflepuff will win their next game. Minus the one against us, of course.”

[trvvers]

                   gilbert knew what it looked like. anyone who knew rowan -- really knew him -- knew how he felt about his younger brother. it wasn’t a stretch to think that there’d been something malicious behind it. but for as uncaring his brother was, and how badly he’d hurt his friends in the past, he had a hard time believing he’d actually want him KILLED. they werre family, weren’t they? as much as he hated rowan, at the end of the day... he’d never HURT him. “we’re playing you next,” he reminded her with a smile, “i guess we’ll see whether or not we’re on a LOSING STREAK when that happens.”

[evansiism]

despite the fact that they had broken up, the gryffindor found herself sitting amongst the crowd at the pitch. a part of her kept SCREAMING that she shouldn’t be there but she wanted to support him irregardless. hufflepuff d e s e r v e d a win. unfortunately, they didn’t get that. ‘ i’m sorry, ’ the redhead spoke after a moment ‘ i saw what happened, ’ her tone just barely loud enough to hear. ‘ i’m sure you’ll get them next time. ’

[trvvers]

                lily was the last person he expected to see after the match was over. he’d fully expected her to HATE him forever after the way things had ended -- never to speak to him again. but there she was, as beautiful as ever, and there he was churning with guilt at the mere sight of her. despite how much everything had changed, NOTHING had changed. “maybe.” he replied after a moment or so, hoping his tone seemed more hopeful than he felt. with every thought running through his mind lately, quidditch tended to get put on the back burner. “we’re playing you next. your team, i mean. gryffindor.” he resisted the urge to smack his head off of the desk. “potter and the others... they’re good. it’ll be, uh, a close match.”

[impossiblc-blog]

“it didn’t look much like an accident, are you sure you’re alright?”

[trvvers]

            “professor dumbledore kept me from CRASHING into the ground, so thankfully i’ve not got a bruise on me.” gilbert replied with a small smile on his face. had the professor not reacted so quickly, his fate likely would have been much worse. as it was, it hadn’t even OCCURRED to him to try to stop the fall himself -- his wand remaining safely tucked in his pocket as he plummeted towards the ground. “it was definitely an interesting way to end the match.”