Addams Family Values Starters
We cannot break bread with you.
You have taken the land which is rightfully ours.
Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs.
We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres.
My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts.
The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially ____."
And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
___'s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.
Do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?
But what if you met the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?
You have gone too far. You have married ___, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive.
And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Our parents are having a baby, too.
You have enslaved him. You have placed ___ under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see him?
I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.
I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion.
Dementia! What a beautiful name!
Children, as your new nanny, I know we're all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
I'll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul.
I don't want to be in the pageant.
Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.
I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem
You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.
I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
So I-I killed. So I maimed. So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn, and ache, and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?
I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
But... but... don't you love me?
I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children, and of paying someone else to raise them.
Do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Do you know what happens if my mother uses a fabric softener?
I just can't tell, does he like me at all?
My baby is ill, and my husband is dying.
And I dreamed that when I met him that we would wait until our wedding night to give ourselves to one another, to make the ultimate sacrifice.
I will worship you forever. I will devote my every waking moment to your happiness alone.
I am your eternal and helpless slave.
At his request, I would rip out my eyes. At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.