Phlegm @trymyownsauce - Tumblr Blog

NON-freaks dni. This is a freaks only zone

and I am aware! of how this is something we could argue about in circles forever and ever and ever but also I cannot cede any ground here, it is already so normal in the worst kind of way

#I dont know how the hell to get over it that feels like giving up completely #'what am I supposed to do give up marriage because its patriarchal?'#'what am I supposed to do give up video games and movies because their violent?'#'its been around for decades! so many people are into it!'#you're supposed to be actively careful and conscious about how you engage with these things #if this opinion is worth dirt its worth just as much as 'it's fine its totally chill be cool'#IF I GO DOWN WITH MY ASS SHOWIN YOU'RE GONNA REMEMBER HOW DAMN WELL TONED IT IS

how many more people just do it cause they think its hot, how many more people are NOT aligned with our politics/understanding of the patriarchy, what changes with it being more normal, what do we gain. Like we challenge things within ourselves that arent being acted on because even one less person whos totally fine [thinking x person is y way -- believing domestic violence is fine in small amounts -- leaping to anger and violence] is a net positive...what the fuck is it all for!!!!

#that specific violence is alot different than a little slap and tickle #the boy who raped my sister the man who raped my uncle the girl who forced herself on my friend the boyfriends/girlfriends who raped others #they were also coping with their shitty lives I know that as a fact...they could have just pretended?#the list is going to keep growing #even your specific tragedy doesnt make it fine completely and totally hell no sex is not a good coping strategy #Shit I drink alot but thats not tenable that shouldnt be normal that cant be recommended #and to come to me telling me Ive got to make it normal because it helps YOU cope is insanely disrespectful #tell it to any other victim tell to many more victims you will not find consensus and probably make more ppl cry #whats criminal is how normal it already is and how sex is objectified and presented so violently and somehow makes rape ok-to-do #but it should be more normal...right... its just a fantasy its pro kink #dont gimmie notes dont come into my inbox I dont want to hang out with you guys anymore lmao

you guys would eat up that alpha/beta bullshit too if it was worded as 'submissive and dominant personalities'

#good grief

Alright. Let me make this into a proper argument. I'm gonna talk about CSA so heads up.

I have reckoned with it, and I have concluded that this kinda fantasizing is good for me.

I was a victim of sexual assault as a child, and for a long time I felt lost because of it. I minimized the impact it had on me and tried ignore it. But I couldn't do that forever. The trauma eventually boiled to the surface in my adulthood and created a lot of misery for me.

There's been many things that I've done to try and cope with it, but the most effective by far has been fantasizing about my own assault.

I acted it out mostly as I remember it with a trusted partner, and it produced a sense of catharsis that was profound in scope. It didn't fix it, but it provided closure on the subject. Maybe closure isn't the right word, but I don't know the right one.

It was a piece of erotica that truly got me to stop blaming myself for what happened. Seeing another character in a situation similar to me, realizing that they have no choice but to go along with it and try to placate their own rapist, is what made me stop blaming myself. Stop thinking about if maybe I could have stopped other kids from facing the same fate if I had acted differently.

It gives me a sense of control about the moment of my life where I had none at all. It's hard to explain.

So as your mutual, it really fucking concerns me when you say, "What am I gonna do? kick you out of my house for one. sexual violence has scarred & traumatized my loved ones i can't afford to be cool w/ it."

If I lived under your roof, would kick me out for coping with my assault this way? Would you kick my partner out for agreeing to act it out with me, or reccomending me that erotica?

Furthermore, I know how I act is shaped by environmental factors around me, but argument made was, "Rape fantasies are normal. We shouldn't stigmatize them. It's not immoral to have these fantasies." Which was responded to with, "I think you have morally failed for not being outraged about the fact that people are fantasizing about this."

Do I need to append every thought and fantasy I have by clarifying that I'm aware of the broader social implications? Do I need to need to hate myself into thinking pure and unproblematic thoughts?

Because I tried to do both of those things, and still do try sometimes, and now I have an OCD diagnosis and a lot of self-hatred. I'm allowed a break from always thinking about the sociological perspective on my every action.

I also fantasize about getting married and having kids. I know that's because of patriarchy. I support woman who don't want to get married or having kids. What else do you want me to do?

I could also explain choice feminism and stuff but I think this comic does it better than I can: https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/07/choices-not-always-feminist/

AGAIN not about the thought crimes, I don't know how to get that through. This stuff makes me sad more than anything and I guess triggers something in me. I'm very sorry these things happened to you and I better understand the role this fantasy can take in therapizing through things.

Let's put it this way, SOME PEOPLE are cool with rape fantasy, SOME PEOPLE are not cool with rape fantasy. some people use this fiction to cope, some people *would* believe the idea alone makes you a criminal. What's worse than making the point that 'we should think about the greater context' is "what r u gonna do huh? what now? I get my rocks off to trauma and there's nothing you can do about it it's totally normal and you're an idiot for suggesting otherwise"... like that's why I'm upset there's nothing I can do to account for the sins of my fathers and the abuses this world was built on (in fact some people like it!) and I know my ass is getting lumped in with the perpetrators. We can now see THE FACT is that it's going to come down to the individual, no one can tell either one of us that were wrong or evil for our life experiences/our opinions OR that a stat block makes something absolutely correct. Would I kick you to the curb? Shit are you gonna ask ME to rape you??? Are you gonna try to turn it into an ARGUMENT?? I'm the one stranger on the internet, not some 3000 strangers, or 4000 people in a study. Neither one of us are going to affect change for a better world, do what thou whilst.

now I know I didnt address everything here and you'll surely take the opportunity to try and tell me I'm fucked in the head or whatever but you've got to understand, it's good for you, and it's bad for me.

#go on pick and choose something to be mad about #or we can both do the hard thing and walk away knowing the worlds bleak and gray

#I just don't think we need to be critical of our privately held beliefs or behaviors #the majority makes me immune to propaganda #it's pc #you see #does examining yourself hurt your head or your ego more?#yeaah I'm still freaking the fuck out about it I don't mean to be a discourse guy #I just figured that was something we could all look to eachother and know “damn this seems indicative of THE larger issue!”#and of course they extrapolate the very worst and misconstrue the point #I don't think anyone actually wants change just be righteously indignant and vindicated by the likes #... maybe im just naive

it's heartbreaking and a little terrifying but I shouldn't expect anything different from the "destigmatize and liberate love! sex doesn't mean anything for your character, but asexuals sound like total losers" crowd

#or you schmucks who think a man = patriarch like theres an HQ and a chain of command #i gotta get the fuck out of here

Looking at this from a feminist perspective, I don't think any variation of, "rape fantasies are bad," really works.

I don't think the prevalence of these fantasies has much to do with violence at all, but rather desire.

Sexual desire is often stigmatized, so when one imagines themselves as being raped they can distance themselves from their own desire.

Saying sex is almost always violent in our culture and the personal is political, therefore rape fantasies are immoral is an incomplete argument at best.

it's not really about the thought crimes, so to speak, but the fact that our sense of desire is screwed up this way, right? Idk if it's an apt analogy but like, we understand WHY people turn to drugs and that it's not a moral failing but that doesn't make meth a healthy choice, and saying it's fine doesn't fix anything or help anyone. Ofc nothing is absolute, we like nuance here, but it's got to be reckoned with :( NOT ARGUED!! Not with intent to shame, but...aren't there better avenues to not-feeling-repressed-under-patriarchy? isn't that the point?

#once a girl told me I could force myself on her knowing full well my entire life was fucking flipped turned upside down by my sisters abuse #someone who themselves was abused the same way #i want to scream and cry and cry and cry for days #If consent is involved its not really rape but WHY why is this your fantasy? why is this ok?#you can have your rough sex i really cant accept a rape fantasy is a healthy relationship to ones sexuality

confield

we're all in agreement that rape fantasies are pretty common and not specific to queer people or anything right. like shockingly common. we don't have to have discourse about this. it's chill. re:being "forced to have sex"

i thought this was common knowledge. it's chill

confield

every time some post passes me by like the tip of an iceberg about "kink stuff"... man i find horny blogs pretty annoying too but it is pretty patently obvious that some of the stuff you find to be morally abhorrent is, unfortunately for you, pretty appealing to a decent chunk of the population. not really a new thing at all either, you can see studies from the 80s and shit corroborating this. what are you gonna do about it?

everything4free

#i am in hell about this #fuck this place

confield

i thought this was common knowledge. it's chill

everything4free

tumblr: because its very common it means its totally fine and theres no underlying sociological cause worth considering. and you should get over it frankly

confield

the hell are you gonna do about it if 50% of the people *favored* by the patriarchy themselves get off to being forced to have sex? are you going to go the route of obscenity laws? psas? are you gonna tell them all that they have to stop getting turned on by this stuff? do you think that will materially do anything at all to actually help people affected by this shit in real life? sex is weird. it doesn't follow moral codes. literally what are you gonna do about it?

everything4free

first off: "sex is weird. it doesnt dollow moral codes." is rape apologia, straight up.

I think the fact that rape fantasies are so common shows how inherently violent sex is in a patriarchal society. rape IS violence. its concerning that we are conditioned to find it desirable . it shows we exist in a rape-obsessed culture. obviously we cannot institute a ban on the fantasies. But do you think the question of why people have rape fantasies is not one even worth considering?

What do I think should be done? abolish the foundations of rape culture: patriarchy and imperialism.

in the mean time tho, people should be aware of how the personal IS POLITICAL! and that includes fantasies!!!!

#ty user everything4free #theres no hope is that what you're telling me? rape ruins lives and youre problematic for not thinking it right to fantasize about?#is this not the basics of feminism??#that were not supposed to accept this? or think this way about sex?#What am I gonna do? kick you out of my house for one. sexual violence has scarred & traumatized my loved ones i cant afford to be cool w/ it #DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THE QUESTION OF WHY? IS NOT WORTH CONSIDERING???