pairing: female!sully!reader x Sully family ; daughter!reader x jake sully
warnings: angst, grief,implied/attempt of suicide, hurt/comfort,self-doubt, very emotional (i tried)
The silence of the night sky was the only safe space you had left, above the waves of the Awa’atlu reef the air was cold and chilling ,numbing the pain in your heart. your Ikran turned sharply to the left, you urged her further away from the lights of the Metkayina village, away from the heavy grief that filled your family pod.
It had been weeks since the war took away your brother ,and being the eldest daughter, second-born of Jake and Neytiri, you were supposed to step up, you were supposed to stay next to your younger siblings,the one who held Kiri and Tuk while your parents were grieving,but you weren't Neteyam you didn't have his patience or his kindness,but what you had was your father’s fire and stubbornnes ,which didn't mix well with grief.
So instead of staying back with yout family, you flew, you disappeared for hours, sometimes until the darkness covered the sun.like tonight.
"Down girl," you whispered softly to your banshee, "let’s go back." (your ikrans name) chirped in a protest but obeyed, diving toward the water. after landing you jumped off ,patted her neck, unlinking your kuru with a sigh.
You jumped at the voice, your tail swishing behind you, Lo’ak stepped out from the shadows, his eyes were tired ,mirroring yours. "I lost track of time," you muttered, fidgeting your hands.
"dad was looking for you" Lo’ak whispered, stepping closer, he looked anxious, his ears pinned back, "he’s mad y/n, It’s bad, he has been asking for you every ten minutes and mom is… she’s worried sick".
You swallowed hard, the knot in your stomach tightening,"I just needed air Lo’ak, i couldn't breathe in there."
"I know sis" he said softly, putting a hand on your shoulder,he was the only one who really understood the need to run,"but you need to go in there and just… face it, don't argue with him tonight,please."
you chuckled at his words,looking at him "you are telling me not to argue little bro?"'you patted his cheek, brushing past him, you walked toward the family marui.
as you walked in heavy aura hit you like a physical wall, Jake was standing in the center of the pod,turning around to face you hands on his hips, Neytiri was seated near the sleeping hammocks where Tuk was sleeping in ,and as soon as she saw you, she didn't let your father speak she was on her feet "ma' ite where have you been?!!"
She crossed the room, her hands immediately grabbing your shoulders, then your arms, her fingers pressing into your skin, she turned your face side to side, looking for bruises, for any cuts and blood"
"you are not fine!" she hissed, her ears flattening, she shook you, just once, hard, "you disappear! the sun goes down, and you are gone! do you know what is out there?,you could get hurt!"
"I was just flying! i stayed within the perimeter!"
"you are a child!" Neytiri cried out, her voice cracking, her eyes teary, "You are a stubborn child who thinks she cant get hurt! skxawng! do you want to die? Is that it? ". her words stung, but you knew they came from a place of worry, she let go of you, stepping back, her chest heaving as she covered her mouth to stifle a sob.
Then, your father spoke up
"Sit down," hesaid, his voice was low, "dad, I didn't mean to-"
You stood your ground, the rebellious spark in your chest flaring up, "I'm not a soldier, dad ,stop treating me like one."
your father stepped closer to you ,"You are a part of this family, and when you vanish for six hours without a comms check, you put everyone at risk, we have to send people out to look for you,we expose our location."
"I didn't ask anyone to look for me!" you raised your voice ,"i just needed to get away from this! from everyone looking at me in pity , you looking at me like i’m supposed to be him!"
Your words were followed by heavy silence, Kiri was awake now, sitting up, watching with wide,concerned eyes, Lo’ak stood at the entrance listening, frozen none of them spoke up, they knew better.
Jake looked tired,and so incredibly older than he had a year ago, "Nobody expects you to be Neteyam."
"Don't they?" you laughed bitterly, tears swelling up in your eyes, "Because all you do is treat me like a prisoner! i can handle myself, dad,i'm the oldest now, i can-"
"you are reckless!" Jake shouted, "you are reckless, undisciplined, and selfish kid!"
"i am grieving!" you screamed, your hands balling into fists,"I am grieving ,i am trying my best and I can't do it here with you breathing down my neck every second!"
"i am trying to keep you alive!" Jake shouted, stepping forward, his finger pointing in your face, "That is my job! to keep this family safe! And you are making it impossible!"
"Maybe if you trusted us"-
"trust is earned! and you? You do exactly what you want, regardless of the consequences!"
"so what? i'm just another dissapointment?" you challenged, the words spilling out before you could even think about it ,"Is that what you mean? you treat loa'k the same way too dad! that's not fair!
your fathers eyes flashed in anger ,he wasnt thinking anymre, the fear of the past months, the image of his son bleeding out on the rock,in front of him, it all came back.
"If you had just obeyed orders," Jake said, his voice shaking, "if you had half the discipline your brother had, maybe he wouldn't have had to worry about covering for you two all the time! Maybe if you just listened, he would still be alive!"
The air left the room, It felt as if the world had stopped spinning, your mother gasped, "Ma Jake!"
Jake froze, his mouth stayed open, the anger draining out of his face instantly,he hadn't meant it, of course he hadn't, he knew It wasn't true, Neteyam died protecting who he loved, It had nothing to do with you, but fear of him losing another kid blinded him.
You stood there frozen,you felt cold ,the tears that yo try to keep from falling,finally spilled out.
"Y/n," Jake breathed, reaching a hand out, "Baby girl, i didn't… I didn't mean-"
"Y/n, look at me," Jake pleaded, his voice breaking, he took a step toward you, but you flinched away again,"no," you whispered.
"ma y/n, please," Neytiri cried, reaching for you, but you were already moving ,you spun on your heel and stormed out.
"Y/n please!" your father begged, about to chase after you, but you didn't stay to hear him, You turned around and stormed out ,shoving past Lo'ak, ignoring his shout, you just ran blindly,needing to get as far away as possible from the sound of your father's voice.
His words echoed in your skull, getting louder and louder, 'If you had just obeyed orders… your brother would still be alive.'
You didn't remember running, you didn't remember grabbing the gun ,the one which you and Lo'ak helped your father to retrieve from RDA sunk ships. you just remembered the need to stop the noise and the guilt which was eating you alive.
Your father was right, it was all your fault, only if you weren't so selfish and iresponsible,the one who questioned everything, you were supposed to follow the orders and be watching Lo’ak’s back that night, but instead, Neteyam had to look after both of you.
You dragged yourself to empty part of the beach far away from the village and collapsed onto the damp sand, your lungs burning from the sobbing you were trying so hard to keep in, that your ribs ached.
You stared at the dark ocean, the waves rolling in with an endless rhythm, the gun felt Cold and Heavy in your hands.
If you did this, the pain would stop, the look in your mothers eyes that sometimes drifted over you as if she was looking at Neteyam's would stop and Jake wouldn't have to worry about his screw-up daughter anymore.
You lifted the heavy metal, your hand was shaking as you pressed the cold muzzle against the side of your head, above your ear.
You squeezed your eyes shut , but seconds before you pulled the trigger..
"Y/N!"
The shout was loud, terrified.
You flinched, your finger tightening on the trigger, but before you could pull it, a massive hand clamped over the barrel of the gun and wrenched it away from your head with force.
"NO!"
Jake tossed gun behind him and immediately grabbed you by the shoulders, slamming you back against his chest, he was shaking with terror you had never felt from him before.
"Let me go!" you screamed, thrashing against him, hitting his chest with your fists, "Let me go! you said it! you said it was my fault!"
"I was wrong!" Jake yelled, overpowering you easily, wrapping his arms around you to pin your arms to your sides, he crushed you against him, burying his face in your hair. "Stop it! stop it right now! i was wrong!"
You finally gave up and went limp, the fight draining out of you as you let out a sob ,he pulled you into his lap, curling his large body around yours as if he could shield you from your own thoughts.
"I didn't mean it," Jake gasped, his voice cracking , he was rocking you, his hand cradling the back of your head, pressing your face into the crook of his neck,"Oh God, baby girl, i didn't mean it, i'm sorry, i am so, so sorry."
"But it's true," you choked out, your voice muffled against his skin,"I didn't listen, i never listen, and now he's gone."
"No," Jake said fiercely, pulling back just enough to frame your face with his large hands, his thumbs wiped at the tears streaming down your cheeks, but his own eyes were red and wet, "Look at me, look at me, baby girl."
You forced yourself to meet his gaze you expected to see usual disappointment,but all you saw was a father who had almost just lost another child.
"Neteyam made his choice," Jake said, his voice trembling,"He was protecting his family, that is not on you,that is on me,i brought this war to our door, i failed to keep him safe, Not you."
"I miss him, dad," you whispered,"I miss him so much it hurts to breathe."
"I know," Jake’s face crumpled, the strong mask he wore dissapeared,tears spilled over his lashes "I know, baby, i miss him too, every second."
He pulled you back in, hugging you so tight your ribs hurt"
"i was so scared," Jake confessed into your hair, his voice hoarse , "When you didn't come back… i got scared, and when i get scared, i get angry, i try to control everything because i think if i lock you all down, I won't have to grieve another child."
He took a deep breath,"and then i said those things… and i drove you to this."he gripped your arms,"You cannot leave me, Y/n," he pleaded, his voice cracking, "Do you hear me? You cannot do that, you cannot leave your mother , we are all broken right now, and if i lose you too? … i won't make it."
"I'm just…so tired of fighting you," you admitted, your forehead resting against his chest."and i'm so tired of disappointing you" you sobbed.
he froze at your words "you think you are dissapointing me?" he sat up so he's looking at you clearly. "baby girl, you have no idea how proud of you i am,both me and your mother"he moves hand on your cheek gently,to turn your head to face him properly, "i love you ,daughter and i'm sorry that i made you feel like i don't"
You eyes widened at his words ,looking at him through blurred vision,"i love you too, dad" you whispered hugging him ,he pulled you close , kissing the top of your head, resting his chin there,"never scare me like that again,okay?" Jake murmured and you nodded against his chest, gripping his arm,"okay."
Jake sat there with you on sand for a long time, refusing to losen the grip, as if he feared you might vanish again if he let go.
Side note: it was all i could do in two dayss, i will start working on next one after my finals!! (I have 2 more left) Please feel free to send some suggestions in my inbox i need new ideas!!! 🥹🥹
