True, but one day at time and I will get better.
hello vonnie
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True, but one day at time and I will get better.
Tips for Healing
I received a PM asking how to get over a Dom leaving a committed relationship.
This is such an important topic. Thank you for asking how I have healed.I’ll share what I know, what has helped me, and hope that it is helpful to you and many. Some are practical, some are symbolic, but they have all helped me.
*Know that it will get better. Doesn’t seem possible, but it will. It is a process that TAKES TIME.
*Be careful where you focus your attention. “Where focus goes, energy flows.” Learn that and use it, forever.
*Don’t trouble your mind with the what’s and why’s of his decision. This is sooo sooo difficult. As a submissive, our core is about pleasing our Dominant and we naturally assume blame belongs to us. But it doesn’t. He is just as, if not more, culpable. So, interrupt yourself when you start to blame yourself or figure out what happened in his mind - That takes energy away from YOU and doesn’t change the outcome. Plus, there is never any way you can know his mind with any certainty. YOU are what matters now. Remember, “Where focus goes….”
*Recognize that this pain IS more dynamic than the pain of a ‘vanilla’ breakup. The degree of trust and intimacy runs far deeper in BDSM, so does the pain.
*Grieve and take care of yourself. Cry, sleep, cry, eat, lots of water, cry. Stay far away from alcohol and sugar.
*Speak kindly to yourself – just as you would a child who is grieving. “Oh, sweetie, it hurts, I know it hurts….I know you are going to get through this.” “I know you are scared….” No “but’s” allowed in self-talk.
*Clear the space, especially the bedroom. Open windows, regardless of the temp.; light new candles; play upbeat music….wash the sheets OFTEN. Sounds silly, but the symbolic aspect of that is very helpful.
*Movement! Walks, dancing, aerobics class – just move.
*Write a letter to him. If you are inclined to send it, wait at least 3 weeks. (Making decisions when very mad or sad is ill-advised, at best.)
*Write down memories, pains, whatever you want onto small pieces of paper and then burn them, individually. Take a moment with each and then release it.
*Journal using paper and pencil – get those feelings out. Tapping keys on a keyboard is not the same.
*Create new patterns and rituals to replace those that existed within your relationship. Make sure they are things that promote your health and joy.
*Know that the people who love you want to help and don’t fault them for not understanding the depth of your pain. Ask them for what you need because they probably feel helpless.
I could go on and on, but these are my go-to’s.
I know the pain is crushing. It will lift. Hug yourself. Hugs from me to you.
Very good advice.
This has been so helping my in dealing with my husband's passing.
🌷
slip ups happen during recovery
healing isn't a linear process. the number of steps you take you take backwards might sometimes even be more than the number of steps you take forward and that's OKAY.
you are allowed to have fall backs. it's part of the process. you are doing okay as long as you dust off and begin again. you can do it ✨
POSITIVITY DAY
This is so hard to remember, but I am grateful in knowing it is ok.
Tonight’s Parting Thought …
Grief is the cost of admission to true love. That’s the deal. One way or another, the price will be paid.
So I say love as much and as freely as you can. There will be grief. Grief cleanses and makes room for more love.
But regret is optional. And, regret lasts forever, growing heavier each year.
Tonight we celebrate the love and life of Cain. He was the very best boy. And after 15 years, he crossed the rainbow bridge today.
Tonight we honor the love and grief of @instructor144. He was the very best Master to Cain. He summoned his will and steeled his spine to do right by his beloved pup today.
Love is not a feeling; it is an act of the will.
Original post found here: https://instructor144.tumblr.com/post/176375483086/cain-2003-2018-today-he-made-that-one-way-trip-to
Goodnight Tumblr 💤💤💤💤💤💤
“Love is not a feeling; it is an act of the will.“ Thank you, my dear friend @submissive-seeking
Ugggg, so needed to see this today.
Ok, who had "Monkey Pox" and of course it is TX.
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/rare-case-monkeypox-found-texas-resident-who-had-traveled-internationally-n1274163
I want to live by myself when I move out of my parent's place but I'm really afraid of money problems? I'm afraid that the only place I can afford will be in the ghetto and it'll all be torn apart and I'll only be allowed to eat one granola bar a week. I'm really stressing out about this. I don't know anything about after school life. I don't know anything about paying bills or how to buy an apartment and it's really scaring me. is there anything you know that can help me?
HI darling,
I’ve actually got a super wonderful masterpost for you to check out:
Home
what the hell is a mortgage?
first apartment essentials checklist
how to care for cacti and succulents
the care and keeping of plants
Getting an apartment
Money
earn rewards by taking polls
how to coupon
what to do when you can’t pay your bills
see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill
how to save money
How to Balance a Check Book
How to do Your Own Taxes
Health
how to take care of yourself when you’re sick
things to bring to a doctor’s appointment
how to get free therapy
what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment
how to make a doctor’s appointment
how to pick a health insurance plan
how to avoid a hangover
a list of stress relievers
how to remove a splinter
Emergency
what to do if you get pulled over by a cop
a list of hotlines in a crisis
things to keep in your car in case of an emergency
how to do the heimlich maneuver
Job
time management
create a resume
find the right career
how to pick a major
how to avoid a hangover
how to interview for a job
how to stop procrastinating
How to write cover letters
Travel
ULTIMATE PACKING LIST
Traveling for Cheap
Travel Accessories
The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase
How To Read A Map
How to Apply For A Passport
How to Make A Travel Budget
Better You
read the news
leave your childhood traumas behind
how to quit smoking
how to knit
how to stop biting your nails
how to stop procrastinating
how to stop skipping breakfast
how to stop micromanaging
how to stop avoiding asking for help
how to stop swearing constantly
how to stop being a pushover
learn another language
how to improve your self-esteem
how to sew
learn how to embroider
how to love yourself
100 tips for life
Apartments/Houses/Moving
Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 1: Are You Sure? (The Responsible One)
Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 2: Finding the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)
Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 3: Questions to Ask about the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)
Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 4: Packing and Moving All of Your Shit (The Responsible One)
How to Protect Your Home Against Break-Ins (The Responsible One)
Education
How to Find a Fucking College (The Sudden Adult)
How to Find Some Fucking Money for College (The Sudden Adult)
What to Do When You Can’t Afford Your #1 Post-Secondary School (The Sudden Adult)
Stop Shitting on Community College Kids (Why Community College is Fucking Awesome) (The Responsible One)
How to Ask for a Recommendation Letter (The Responsible One)
How to Choose a College Major (The Sudden Adult)
Finances
How to Write a Goddamn Check (The Responsible One)
How to Convince Credit Companies You’re Not a Worthless Bag of Shit (The Responsible One)
Debit vs Credit (The Responsible One)
What to Do if Your Wallet is Stolen/Lost (The Sudden Adult)
Budgeting 101 (The Responsible One)
Important Tax Links to Know (The Responsible One)
How to Choose a Bank Without Screwing Yourself (The Responsible One)
Job Hunting
How to Write a Resume Like a Boss (The Responsible One)
How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read (The Responsible One)
How to Handle a Phone Interview without Fucking Up (The Responsible One)
10 Sites to Start Your Job Search (The Responsible One)
Life Skills
Staying in Touch with Friends/Family (The Sudden Adult)
Bar Etiquette (The Sudden Adult)
What to Do After a Car Accident (The Sudden Adult)
Grow Up and Buy Your Own Groceries (The Responsible One)
How to Survive Plane Trips (The Sudden Adult)
How to Make a List of Goals (The Responsible One)
How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment (The Responsible One)
Miscellaneous
What to Expect from the Hell that is Jury Duty (The Responsible One)
Relationships
Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Do I Know When I’m Ready? (Guest post - The Northwest Adult)
How Fucked Are You for Moving In with Your Significant Other: An Interview with an Actual Real-Life Couple Living Together™ (mintypineapple and catastrofries)
Travel & Vehicles
How to Winterize Your Piece of Shit Vehicle (The Responsible One)
How to Make Public Transportation Your Bitch (The Responsible One)
Other Blog Features
Apps for Asshats
Harsh Truths & Bitter Reminders
Asks I’ll Probably Need to Refer People to Later
Apartments (or Life Skills) - How Not to Live in Filth (The Sudden Adult)
Finances - Tax Basics (The Responsible One)
Important Documents - How to Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate (The Responsible One)
Important Documents - How to Get a Replacement ID (The Responsible One)
Health - How to Deal with a Chemical Burn (The Responsible One)
Job Hunting - List of Jobs Based on Social Interaction Levels (The Sudden Adult)
Job Hunting - How to Avoid Falling into a Pit of Despair While Job Hunting (The Responsible One)
Job Hunting - Questions to Ask in an Interview (The Responsible One)
Life Skills - First-Time Flying Tips (The Sudden Adult)
Life Skills - How to Ask a Good Question (The Responsible One)
Life Skills - Reasons to Take a Foreign Language (The Responsible One)
Life Skills - Opening a Bar Tab (The Sudden Adult)
Relationships - Long Distance Relationships: How to Stay in Contact (The Responsible One)
Adult Cheat Sheet:
what to do if your pet gets lost
removing stains from your carpet
how to know if you’re eligible for food stamps
throwing a dinner party
i’m pregnant, now what?
first aid tools to keep in your house
how to keep a clean kitchen
learning how to become independent from your parents
job interview tips
opening your first bank account
what to do if you lose your wallet
tips for cheap furniture
easy ways to cut your spending
selecting the right tires for your car
taking out your first loan
picking out the right credit card
how to get out of parking tickets
how to fix a leaky faucet
get all of your news in one place
getting rid of mice & rats in your house
when to go to the e.r.
buying your first home
how to buy your first stocks
guide to brewing coffee
first apartment essentials checklist
coping with a job you hate
30 books to read before you’re 30
what’s the deal with retirement?
difference between insurances
Once you’ve looked over all those cool links, I have some general advice for you on how you can have some sort of support system going for you:
Reasons to move out of home
You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:
wishing to live independently
location difficulties – for example, the need to move closer to university
conflict with your parents
being asked to leave by your parents.
Issues to consider when moving out of home
It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving home. You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t anticipate, such as:
Unreadiness – you may find you are not quite ready to handle all the responsibilities.
Money worries – bills including rent, utilities like gas and electricity and the cost of groceries may catch you by surprise, especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything. Debt may become an issue.
Flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time, sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.
Your parents may be worried
Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different things. For example:
They may worry that you are not ready.
They may be sad because they will miss you.
They may think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house.
They may be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.
Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly. Try to leave on a positive note. Hopefully, they are happy about your plans and support your decision.
Tips for a successful move
Tips include:
Don’t make a rash decision – consider the situation carefully. Are you ready to live independently? Do you make enough money to support yourself? Are you moving out for the right reasons?
Draw up a realistic budget – don’t forget to include ‘hidden’ expenses such as the property’s security deposit or bond (usually four weeks’ rent), connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.
Communicate – avoid misunderstandings, hostilities and arguments by talking openly and respectfully about your concerns with flatmates and parents. Make sure you’re open to their point of view too – getting along is a two-way street.
Keep in touch – talk to your parents about regular home visits: for example, having Sunday night dinner together every week.
Work out acceptable behaviour – if your parents don’t like your flatmate(s), find out why. It is usually the behaviour rather than the person that causes offence (for example, swearing or smoking). Out of respect for your parents, ask your flatmate(s) to be on their best behaviour when your parents visit and do the same for them.
Ask for help – if things are becoming difficult, don’t be too proud to ask your parents for help. They have a lot of life experience.
If your family home does not provide support
Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to cope.
If you are a fostered child, you will have to leave the state-care system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden transition to independence.
If you need support, help is available from a range of community and government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents, call one of the associations below for information, advice and assistance.
Where to get help
Your doctor
Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 55 1800
Lifeline Tel. 13 11 44
Home Ground Services Tel. 1800 048 325
Relationships Australia Tel. 1300 364 277
Centrelink Crisis or Special Help Tel. 13 28 50
Tenants Union of Victoria Tel. (03) 9416 2577
Things to remember
Try to solve any problems before you leave home. Don’t leave because of a fight or other family difficulty if you can possibly avoid it.
Draw up a realistic budget that includes ‘hidden’ expenses, such as bond, connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.
Remember that you can get help from a range of community and government organizations.
(source)
Keep me updated? xx
Reblogging for myself
reblogging for those that follow me that may be starting to move out
An absolute treasure trove of information, here. Rebloging for those who Are contemplating making that leap to independent living. Best of luck to all.
Fantastic resource for people preparing to move out into the world. I’m sticking my #resources tag on this.
Reblogging, because hell at 56, I find myself in a situation that I am going to need a lot of these.
I can count on my American friends to cheer England on this weekend can’t I? 🏴🏴🥺😂⭐️
CRUSH THEM!!!! LAY WASTE TO THEIR HIGH PLACES AND BASK IN THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMENFOLK!!!!!
Umm, but two questions:
1. is there some sort of sporting event taking place?
2. Who’s the opposing team?
@instructor144 thank you Wolfie Pops 😂❤️ it’s the final of the Euros. The European cop finals for soccer. England v Italy. The first time England have made it to a major tournament final since 1966! ⭐️
Ohhhh, okay. If it’s any consolation, I’m equally clueless about US sporting events. ;) In that case, GO ENGLAND!!! FUCK ITALY!!!! (with no offense to any Italian folks out there, love you guys, big fan of your Piemonte wineries and Tuscan cuisine and 1960s Western films. ;) )
Will definitely be watching ( through tears most likely) as my husband had been watching every game with so much anticipation. I know he will be cheering from above. )Also waiting for the new season to start to cheer for Sheffield Wednesday as he was a life long supporter)⚽🎉⚽🎉⚽🎉
very much 🌸
🌷💫
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO very much!
THIS.
Oh God I'm trying!!!
Truths..☝️
POSITIVITY DAY
Amen, always be grateful.
Currently watching England v Ukraine in a Euro 2021 footie match at my local. It's now 4-0 to England 😃 This sign is outside the pub.
There's nothing more primal than red hand prints of children ⚔️
3rd July 2021
#Magpie-69 Watched the here in Texas. Watched through tears, because I know my hubby had so looking forward to watching. So we watched for him today.
Jane Austen - "Sense and Sensibility"
Late night thoughts.
#pascalcampion
Time to face my hurdles.
I'm trying.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you matter. And the world needs you.
#itsshinycollectordestinyworld. I truly needed to hear this today!!!!! Thank you
Today I lost my best friend, my lover, my sparring partner. My husband passed away this evening and I feel crushed. But, I will put on a smile, and take each day with that smile, because I know that's what he wanted, and because my girls need me