Transitional Tsuchinoko

My transition blog. I hope it helps out some other trans guys, or helps people who are curious about transitions! Feel free to ask me questions, but if I feel they are too personal I won't answer.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

11 shots yo

Yee..

The past few times I've done my shots, it's taken me an hour to build up the courage and stab it into me. I'm becoming frustrated and afraid of it.

Other than that though:

Starting to grow facial hair, like little baby hairs people can't see unless they are staring really close and in light. I need to shave it off now though.

My face and body are filling out, people are starting to compliment my weight gain, apparently I looked horrible and sickly before????

Aside from that my clothes are getting tight BECAUSE of my weight gain, and my shoulders and arms.

Stomach hair is getting longer and darker, I may be able to get it to show up in a picture??

My voice sounds horrible lately, people enjoy getting me flustered.

My ass is fantastic. I also appreciate my belly. A lot.

I have terrible cramps now. When I have sex or get aroused, it's horrible.

My breasts are getting smaller! But I can't live without my binder..

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

9 shots yo

Or is it 8?

I feel like nothing is changing but that's not true at all. Next month I go back for my 3 month (????????) check up, bloodwork and all that jazz.

I have 2-3 dark hairs on the left corner of my upper lip. I've shaved my face 3 times. My stomach hair is getting darker. My voice still sounds like crap. I' m still getting hairy. My neck is actually getting thicker now too. As is the rest of my body.

I'm still gaining weight. I can actually see the shape of my body change from what it was prior. It's becoming more like a straight line and less curvy. All of the fat in my hips is moving to my butt and my stomach.

My chest is also getting a little smaller. I can no longer fit smalls in conventional women's shirts. My shoulders and upper arms are too big.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

5 weeks on t

So I can say my shot hurt, and I bled a little bit, but I didn't bleed like last week.

 My acne is off the charts. My partner says it's pretty much like when I was a teenager. It's on my back and chest and upper arms, a little bit on my face. It hurts.

 Noticeable dick growth, even I can notice it.

My leg hair has spread up my leg, it's really long at my knees and continues past it. It looks like it's growing pretty quickly.

I haven't gained anymore weight but my stomach is getting bigger. I think it's the fat redistribution.

Still hungry all the time. Really all I think about is nothing, or food. My mind is pretty empty now. It feels weird. I have to force myself to think about stuff.

I still have focusing issues too. I literally cannot listen to people talk.

My chest is getting smaller and hairy. It's like, gone down half a cupsize or something. It's not really getting tighter, just smaller.

My armpits dont smell that bad because I'm using certain dry.

Something I should tack on, my voice sounds and feels deeper. Everyone says I sound the slightest bit sick.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

4 weeks

Yesterday was my 4th shot. Also my worst administered shot. I bled a lot, and didn't inject all of my dose in one go so I had to re-inject myself. 

Updates though:

Everywhere there are little hairs coming up, but because I'm blond, it's still pretty much invisible. My backside is getting fuzzy.

And with the hair, I'm breaking out with acne too. Only in spots where hair is growing. Which is everywhere.

In a few weeks I think I'll be needing to shave for the first time. You can ruffle my mustache hairs. But with my body hair, it's still invisible unless you look really close.

My voice sounds deeper apparently, everyone I live with thinks it sounds a little deeper.

My penis is growing apparently, or so says my spouse. I really don't notice it though.

My appetite and sex drive are definitely up. I don't know how much weight I've gained but it's all going to my stomach and ass. I can actually fit small men's underwear now.

A weird thing, my urine smells like actual pee now.Yes this is new to me, as it smelled.. off before. 

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Week 2

Before I forget, I want to just note any changes my body has.

This morning I woke up feeling AWFUL, I didn't want to get out of bed, had no energy, etc, A day before my third shot. 

My voice has gone through 3 periods of cracking the whole 2 weeks, two of which were the same day. It seemed that it started cracking the first time 3-4 days after my shot, same with the second shot, so I'm assuming my voice will do so again around Thursday or Friday.

My knee hair is really long now, more so than it was before I started HRT. It's an odd thing to notice, but it was really short/non-existent a few months ago, started growing a little more recently, and the past 2 weeks sprouted up.

Speaking of hair, my tummy is getting a layer of fuzz all over. It's about the same as my upper arms and knees USED to be. What happy trail I had before is getting a little longer. It seems like I MAY just wind up really hairy (so I hope)

My body shape has started to change a little. It looks like my body is becoming less curvy and my stomach is a little rounder. 

My penis is just a tiny bit thicker, but not by much. Still pretty tiny and unnoticeable. 

Let's see what week 3 brings~ I am expecting more voice cracking (and jokes at my expense)

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

After a week and a half on T, my voice is cracking. A LOT. After the first shot, a few days in, I felt like I swallowed a golf ball and my voice was kind of crackly.  Now, I'm cracking with every other word. My throat isn't sore persay, just weird. It feels like I swallowed something too large, and was yelling a lot, but it doesn't hurt and isn't hoarse. It's just irritating.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Week 2

I took my shot a day early, because I want to do them every tuesday (that;'s the day I started taking my pills on, so it's more familiar.)

It hurt sticking myself but I'll get used to it, it's something I need to do, and it's for myself. Still not noticing anything my body hasn't been doing on its own. People saying that they notice a difference in the way I act and I'm just like "It's been one week." I'm still gaining weight but again that's my body before T. last week I noticed my voice cracking and sounding like shit but it was literally only one day. We'll see how I feel at the end of the week I guess.

I feel weird, people are saying I'm more chatty but I'm having a really had time focusing on shit.  I really don't want to be one of those people that's all "INSTANTLY THE TESTOSTERONE IS DOING STUFF" but at the same time it feels different. I feel gross and weird, but I'm sure it's just my existing hormones fighting. 

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Week 1 is almost over

Just a few quick things to point out.

The needle didn't hurt the first time but there's no telling it won't hurt wednesday.

My emotions are weirder than usual. Ask anyone, I'm a very emotional person to begin with, tearing up at happy things, but I've been crying off and on over happy things.

I feel spacier. Like I have too much energy and I can't concentrate on reading or listening to people talk

Today my throat is sore feeling? I looked it up and it SEEMS like it's a normal thing and just means my voice is starting to drop.

I already have relatively high levels of T in me, so the addition of extra T is probably making these changes happen quicker. I do have to say though, I wrote it off. I didn't think the first shot would do anything, and I really felt like I wouldn't start feeling anything for a month or two. Who knows, maybe it's all coincidence or maybe it's placebo, but this is how it's playing out so far.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Yesterday was my very first day of HRT

I got a phone call from Planned Parenthood on Monday, telling me that the clinician is back and that they wanted to get me in as soon as possible. That day was yesterday. Wednesday, October 15th 2014 I did my very first injection.

I go to Planned Parenthood and they taught me how to do the injection. Showed me how to draw the fluid with a bore, switch to a sharp, and then they injected it into a sample patch of skin. I winced when they injected it and she laughed and was all "Are you afraid of needles?" After they gave me my prescription, I went back to my mother-in-law's to wait for her to get home so we could go fill it together. We had a nice excursion together, and using GoodRX, we filled my prescription at Walgreens. 50 dollars for 200 mg/mL of Testosterone Cypionate and all the needles I need for 3 months. I'm doing the injections intramuscularly. my dose is 50 micrograms which looking around seems to be the common dosage they start you off on. When we got back to her place I was so nervous about sticking my leg with a needle I was shaking. I really didn't WANT to stab myself, so she helped me (she's a nurse so she's used to needles). I'm using a 1 inch sharp because I'm so small. We swab the spot, rough it up a little, and we both did the injection. I didn't feel it go in at all, but the concept of having it inside of me, and it piercing my flesh squicks me a lot. Pull up on the plunger to make sure I didn't hit a vein or artery, inject it into me (it's really hard to do) and then pull straight up. I'm freaked out it was in my leg all the way but I have a tiny bandaid on it and I feel brave.

I'm nervous about next Wednesday, but I think I'll be ok. I just need to get past the "Jab needle into leg, do a few steps, pull out" part. This is for the better good. Oh, also, I could feel the testosterone spread in my leg and I was really weirded out by the sensation.

I feel like a huge baby but I also feel like I've conquered something big. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. And it wasn't expensive to do (My insurance doesn't cover this)

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

My prescription/learning how to stab myself with needles date keeps getting pushed further and further back. Last Wednesday, This Friday, now it's at the 22nd of October.. For whatever reason, there's only one person that really works on trans people at the office and she's having a family emergency. I'm not sure why I can't just get someone to show me how to inject. I'm getting scared.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

IUD stuff

An FYI to anyone that wants to get an IUD. You'll spot. And spot. and spot.

Obviously everyone is different, but I find that after 2 months, 2 semi normal cycles and kind of regular bleeding, before and after my cycle starts I bleed. So I've been bleeding pretty consistently since I got it inserted in August. It's annoying and painful but it SHOULD go away.

I actually got a pelvic exam to make sure it was still in there ok, and she said everything I'm going through is normal unfortunately. HRT should STOP my bleeding completely, hopefully.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Bloodwork

Like I said, I'd make a post about my blood work when I got it done, and it actually happened today!

I woke up at 4:45 AM so I could make the trip to Asheville and make sure I was on time. I got there at 8:30 AM, and actually went in at 8:45 and I had to use the bathroom so they let me in (and took a urine sample to make sure I wasn't pregnant). After I was done, they gave me very specific paperwork to fill out. It was directly for trans men starting/doing HRT. Just seeing it makes it more real. After I filled out allergies and family medical history, they called me back. 

They took my vitals, and asked all the standard planned parenthood questions, and then asked if I was cool with needles. "..uh..noo.." I said and they said it was ok, and told me to lay on the table (the very same that I laid on getting the IUD inserted :C) They were distracting me while they took my blood by talking to me. I didn't look at it, I didn't really feel it. I knew it was there and they were taking blood but it didn't hurt, they did a fantastic job. After asking about my pets and my room mate friends, she announced she was done and needed to get a sample of blood for hemoglobin. She managed to get some from my prick and did the test. I'm not anemic!

My blood test should be done in a week, but I couldn't get an appointment sooner than... OCTOBER 1ST! Which I'm a-ok with! They talked to me about the pros and cons of going on testosterone, the longterm side effects, and the fact that I'd need to 1) take it for the rest of my life and 2) take vitamin d and calcium supplements for the rest of my life. That having Mirena is a great thing it needs to come out in 2019, and that getting my pap done earlier this year was also good, I'm good for 5 years. No more worries, no more pelvic exams (unless I have a problem with Mirena or other health concerns with my junk of course).

I'm really excited and looking at the papers that she gave me that tell me when the changes generally start happening really makes it feel more real. It's actually happening. 

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Not really much is going to be going on until I go in for my blood work on the 17th. Then I get to complain and cry about needles and having my blood stolen.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Nothing really to report other than I started spotting again. This is my 3rd week with my iud. Sex is pretty uncomfortable, gotta take it slow. I don't attribute the bleeding to sex, if it were it'd be fresh blood. Only slightly crampy too. Other than that I'm still getting hairy slowly and started prospecting shaving my face. It'll get to where I need to in a few months.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

UTIs

Please please please use the restroom regularly. Regardless of how much dysphoria you feel and how shitty you feel going into the restroom please. UTIs are expensive and painful and they can make you really sick. Drink lots of water and make sure to use the bathroom when you have to go.

I myself hate going into the restroom immensely but it's worth it in the end.

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

Questions

By the way, I'm open to questions of all sorts!

[tsuchinoko-transguy]

On self harm

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately. 10 years ago I had a best friend. We did everything together. We were friends for 3 years. We were both teenagers in 2004. 2004 was when the big super bowl was, remember? He coordinated a party and a week before he tells me about it. I'm all Allright! I cannot fucking wait I'm stoked! And he goes "No. You can't come. You're not a boy. It's boys only." I'm confused. "but.. I am a boy." I tell him. Pretty sure there are tears in my eyes at this point. "no. You're a girl. And if you can't accept what you are then we can't be friends" It really devastated me. This was the first time I lost someone because of the way I am. Something I couldn't change. (also got dumped by my first girlfriend earlier that year.. Not for the same reason though haha. That was a pretty rough spot in my life) I cut myself. The first time in my confused and crushed teenage life. I did it in an inconspicuous place (on my leg right above my foot) the last time I cut. 10 years and the scars are still there. But they remind me how much I hate him lol. I reached out to him earlier this year asking why he was so transphobic no answer surprise.