If you’re wondering whether your parents might be abusive, but you believe that deep inside they still love you, see if they check these boxes:
They let you know that if you’re hurt, it’s your fault, and you deserved it
They threaten to hurt you if you don’t obey them instantly or so much as say something they don’t like
They accuse you of ‘just wanting attention’ if you confess to them that you’re in pain
You feel terrified of them and try to avoid them as much as possible
You feel like you have to work very hard to be good enough for them and you’re scared you never will be
You feel genuinely terrified of crossing them or making any trouble for them, you feel like they would hate you and hurt you viciously for it or even end your life
You don’t feel like you are allowed to express yourself around them, they’re likely to mock, humiliate, compare, over dramatize, belittle, or completely dismiss your feelings
You keep a secret from them anything that makes you happy
Looking at yourself thru their eyes makes you feel ugly, worthless, lazy, wrong
You always make excuses for their behaviour and try to understand that they’re busy, annoyed or tired. They never try to understand how you feel and instead accuse you of the worst possible motives for every action you take
They know nothing about how you really feel and what you struggle with. You feel it’s your fault for not telling them, but you know if you did, they would attack you for it.
You don’t feel safe being vulnerable in front of them. You hide from them to experience your pain
They don’t hesitate to imply or say outright that ‘your life is going nowhere’ and ‘you’re not living in the real life’ and ‘you will never amount to anything’. You’re supposed to assume this is for your own good.
You haven’t felt safe, loved, cared for, important, cherished, or worry free in a long, long time
If they check 3 or more boxes for you, they are abusing you. These are actions of contempt, cruelty, lack of any care for your well being, emotional and psychological abuse. For children, being met with contempt from their own parents is torture. You didn’t deserve that. If you’re often feeling hurt, lost, worried if they care, worried you’re somehow wrong and not good enough, you didn’t have good parents. You shouldn’t have been put thru that.