Office Hours, an Addergoole drabble
For Inventrix, who wanted to see Gabriele being reasonable and rational. I'm not quite good enough to have kept Leo out of this entirely, but I did my best. He's reasonable throughout, I think! 2118 words. Enjoy~
“Professor?”
Setting a finger on the sentence in the book she was reading, Gabriele looked up to see who was speaking—and didn't recognize the...student? standing there. “I'm sorry, I don't remember an appointment during this period.”
“No, I...I'm not a student.” They were—well, he was, as far as Gabi could see—fae, however. The fuzzy ears poking out from curly blonde hair indicated that, even if Gabi couldn't feel the turmoil of emotion rolling off of him. She took a breath, and tried to tune into what the man seemed to want.
He needs to talk, and you're the one who could understand best. Be open, be patient.
Fair enough. That was something she could do. “Well, then let's not talk in the classroom. We can go to my office, if that's more comfortable?”
“I...yeah, sure.” The man scratched at his head, tousling the curls. Something is so familiar about you, and I'm not placing it. I swear I know you. But why?
Her innate wasn't quite that specific, unfortunately, only offering that this was someone to treat carefully and with patience. Respect. Caution. That was all very well, but why was he familiar? She shook her head, pulling her hair back away from her face and tucking it into a band, walking the familiar paces to her office.
...Office. Even after this long at the school, it was odd having an office.
It didn't quite look like her mentor's had, but she'd tried to find a balance. An old leather couch, somewhat restored but still comfortably broken in. Several “handmade” cherry bookshelves, filled with any books she could get her hands onto. Her desk, an antique wooden thing which was bigger than necessary and she didn't care, and a few chairs around it. Deep jewel tones seemed the theme: ruby, sapphire, emerald. Everything carefully organized to look professional and comfortable.
She kept meaning to invite Mike. It'd probably like it.
“Take a seat, wherever.” She perched herself on a low-backed chair near the couch, looking back up at the visitor, who was peering around the room like he'd never seen velvet before. “Is something wrong?”
“Reminds me of school. Kinda. I only ever...well, I wasn't...” He shook his head. “Sorry. I'm a little messed up.”
“Aren't we all?” She couldn't help the small quirk of her lips. “I take it we're schoolmates, then?” Another gesture to the couch. “Please, sit. You've got to be tired. It's not a short journey here, from pretty much anywhere.”
“I...yeah, not really.” He sat down. “Yes, we're...I went to Addergoole. We weren't in school at the same time, though. I've met you before. I...I'm sorry, I didn't introduce... I wasn't sure if you remembered me.”
He really is scattered. “Don't worry, I'm not always the best with names anymore.” A fib, but a white one. “You do seem familiar, but I can't say as I have a name readily available.”
“It's Seth. I'm...well, I used to be friends with Nyx. I, uh... I got Kept by Aikia. And I know your daughter Mystral.”
Oh. Now the puzzle pieces fell together. Kia's lost-puppy of a Kept, the one so desperately in love with her and her unable or unwilling to return the affection...the one she'd attempted to make amends with, to some disastrous end. Father to Amaroq and a bit of a lone wolf himself. But wasn't he taken in by Orlaith for a while? Working for a living, doing well? He seemed well enough when I saw him last...
“Of course—it's been some time, Seth.” She tucked her feet under her, sitting on them as she watched him shift. “What brings you here?”
“I...um, well I was hoping that...” He stopped, rubbing his eyes. “I'm sorry, I know it's stupid, but can you...not...” He waved a hand at her, unhelpfully. “You look like...”
Gabriel blinked, but the innate offered the complete sentence. You look too much like her. “Oh. Of course, I'm sorry.” She rolled her neck, feeling the now-familiar shift as she went from she to he, and thanking the returned gods that the outfit chosen earlier accommodated such. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No, and I'm...” Seth sighed. “I'm sorry I had to ask. But...that's kinda what I came to talk to you about.”
“About Aikia?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “What about her?”
“Do you...what do you know about her?”
“A great deal, going back to at least the year before you met her. I'll need something a bit more specific than that.”
Seth glared, and Gabriel could feel the prickling to be careful. I forget he's a hyena, trained by the lady of frost. I'd do well to tread carefully, but if he's asking about her...nothing about this conversation is going to be careful. “I mean now, Gabriel. I mean since all this bullshit about being dead and then not being dead and trying to act like nothing had happened.”
“I highly doubt that Aikia had ever acted as if nothing had happened, Seth.” The prickling got stronger, and he waved it off as if Seth had done it intentionally. “If you want to talk to me about Aikia, I'm not going to play nicely with you, Seth. Nothing about her is gentle, and I'm not going to make it sound anything like that. I'm not interested in what happened between her and you in school, nor what happened after, nor what happened when she returned. I know what happened between her and I, and what's happened between her and her children. Now what do you want me to say about her?”
“Is she any better? Or is she still the lying manipulative bitch she was before?” His fists were tight.
“Strong words for a woman you love.”
“Love! I--” He didn't finish, face red and eyes wild. “I don't love...”
“Oh don't be an idiot, Seth. Of course you love her. You've loved her since the second you saw her, even before the collar. Don't try to fool me on that one, because I know what it looks like. I've been in your shoes, in far too many ways, and I'm not that easily led astray.” He fixed his eyes on Seth. “So if you love her, why did you push her away?”
“Because she can't...” Seth stood up, pacing a few steps away. “She can't just show up after being dead. She can't just destroy me like that, and then show back up and expect that I'm just going to take her back. She can't...” He cut a hand through the air. “She can't just ignore me and pretend like she doesn't love me, and then wander off for all these years, and then be...fucking dead, and then come back and act like we can make it okay.”
“Yes, she can.” Gabriel's gaze didn't flinch.
“Don't fucking give me that.”
“And yet, I will.” Gabriel crossed his arms. “Seth, you came to me for advice. You had to know that you wouldn't necessarily like it. Either you listen to me or you don't, but I have advice for you.” Seth was fuming, but he watched Gabriel, and stayed silent. “She absolutely can, because it's happened to me. And I've known pieces of both sides. I've had someone die to me, and I was fully convinced of their death. I held their body in my arms as they died, and believed that I would not see them again until I too was gone. And I had them come back, and believe that all could be well again. I was furious. I didn't want him there. I didn't want anything to do with it. And yet, he works at this school with me, and we are just as close and loving as we ever were. Granted, he's not actively my partner anymore, but...” He smirked again.
“But--” Seth started.
Gabriel held up a hand. “And I've lived with a relationship where the person I loved and I could not express our feelings. I was pushed away, and I fled just as much as I was pushed. And I spent years there. Decades there, believing that I was unloved, and that my affection was in vain. I destroyed myself over it, and allowed the man I loved to do the same—to build a world for himself in which it hadn't happened, because that was how he coped.We vanished from each other, believing to never see the other. When he came back into my life, I was reluctant. I didn't want to be hurt again—I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want the world to be that complicated. I didn't want to try. I didn't want to admit that I still loved someone I believed could not love me back...despite believing somewhere in my core that I was wrong, and that I was still loved. Tell me, Seth. Does any of this sound familiar to you?”
It was a moment before the anger broke, and Seth ran a hand through his hair. “That's different.”
“How? Because it was not Leo's choice that his mind was broken? Because I believed he could not love me because I was genetically female? Because Aikia's decision to blockade herself from emotion was entirely her choice and that at any time she could have changed her mind to love you?”
The anger came back in force. “Yes!” he roared, slamming a fist into Gabriel's desk.
The angel still didn't flinch. “How well do you remember Mystral?”
“I...what?” He was just thrown enough to ease out of the anger a bit.
“My daughter by Aikia. How well do you remember her?”
“I...well enough, I guess. Why?”
“In her third year of school, she was kept by a young man named Azrael, the son of Silas and Mallory. Two names you likely know.” Seth nodded. “Azrael, as his name might imply, has a nasty temper and a drinking problem. He was abusive to Mystral for the entire time she was Kept. Even now, she won't tell me how long he Kept her, or if she was worked out of it before the year was out. Given her budding relationship with Luca at that point, I imagine she couldn't have stayed but I'm not sure.”
“What does this have to do with Aikia?”
“When Luca gets angry and Mystral is tired, she still flinches when his wings flare.” Gabriel's voice was soft. “Though everyone knows that you could not torture Luca enough to make him harm that woman, she will flinch.”
“That's not her choice.”
“She was abducted by slave traders and taught a level of submission which she will fit into in times of stress, even years now after she was free.”
“What the hell are you getting at?”
“If you react in one way for long enough, it becomes who you are. It takes a very long time to break yourself of that.” Gabriel stood and walked up next to Seth. “Aikia is a woman who through the vast majority of her life, trained herself not to accept emotion, least of all love, as an option. It's not a choice for her anymore. The fact that she came to you, looking for any type of reconciliation, is a massive leap of faith for her. I can tell you right now, with every certainty, that your anger did not surprise her but it shook her deeply.”
Seth stared at Gabriel for a full minute before he could respond. “How do you know?”
“Because she told me.” Gabriel let a breath pass. “If you still love her, you need to go to her and work things out. She's ready to love you now, and she's fairly certain she still does. I'm not saying it's going to be pretty—in fact, I would almost guarantee it won't be. She's been with other men, and she's seen what a relationship of sorts can look like. I also should warn you that if you hurt her now, you will have Ardell breathing down your neck, and if you though Silas was bad, you will not want to meet his uncle.”
“Uncle?” That seemed to cut through to Seth.
“And one who had a very unfortunate time in Addergoole.” Gabriel patted Seth's shoulder. “If you want, go find Aikia. But be prepared for a very difficult time, and maybe...just maybe...the woman you loved to return.”
Seth took a breath and closed his eyes, but when he opened then, Gabriel could feel the calm settling back in. “Thank you, Gabriel. I'm... I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, but...at least I have a direction.”
“Oh, I think you'll be fine.” Gabriel winked. “I think you'll be just fine.”