I think I still love you after all this time.
I fell in love with your personality first, your looks second. We met online, so that was a given.
You’re on your own journey right now, and it still kills me that I can’t be there for you, and by your side while you do this. But I understand this is something you need to do alone. Something you have to accomplish without the help of others. It still hurts, but I understand.
What kills me most is the intermitted responses. Every so often you actually respond to me and it gives me a sliver of hope that maybe you’ll want to start a conversation again. But it’s not. It’s just a one time response to whatever it is I sent this time.
I want to start over with you.
We went from 0 to 100 incredibly fast, at the wrong time, and from too far away.
I want this thing to go right. I want us to have something when we’re done. I want to introduce myself to you again, afresh, once you’ve found yourself. But I don’t know if that’s what you want and it scares the hell out of me.
I don’t want to lose you. You’re too perfect of a person for me to do that. I don’t want to let you go without giving things an actual try. You can’t be what I want right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be in the future, right?
You’ve told me to go out and try to find someone else. I did. I tried. And it failed completely.
I’m probably the only person to have been friend-zoned on a dating app, so I think I’ll leave that be.
I did give it a genuine shot, though. Mostly the people I liked didn’t like me back, and the few who did just didn’t want conversation. The one person I did have conversation with decided I wasn’t quite relationship material a few weeks in. Would have been nice if he told me sooner.
I think I still love you after all this time. I really do.
I remember how things were in the beginning when you had a burst of energy and thought you were ready for something real. I remember how amazing all that time was. I want to nurture that, to keep hold of that, and grow with that.
I can’t seem to get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I’ve tried. It’s been months since you started your journey and even before that we had some… issues…
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