shittin on the opposition

the names dave strider aka the coolest motherfucker around. spittin sick raps since 1999. im currently a part of this shithole.  

[lightmorphogeneticfield]

// Good evening, Hive City. It’s come to the attention of some that this holiday season has started.. rather grim. There hasn’t truly been any sort of merriment or revelry to be had by all. So let’s change that, shall we?

On Saturday December fourteenth, a large ball will be held in this city, courteous of Prince Edward. This is a very formal event, everyone is expected to wear their best. Invitations will be sent out and are required to gain entry. Upon arrival, guests will be given a blue ribbon to tie around their wrists as both a memento and a means to show you may come and go as you please.

This city has seemed to sap the joy out of it’s residents, spend an evening enjoying yourselves and simply being happy. We hope to see you all in attendance.//

—-

[[Alright, people, here’s the deal. This city’s been sad as hell because of the latest event and I think it’s time to have some fun, so here’s what’s gonna happen. Reblog this post once, just once, and your reblog will count for an RSVP of sorts. Once you’ve reblogged this post, MAKE SURE YOUR SUBMIT BOX IS OPEN. You’ll be sent an invitation that way.

Obviously, not everyone’s going to be here on Saturday, so the next week of replies will count towards the ball. Just tag your open with #Citta winter ball or #Citta mini event. It’s not an official event, it’s just something fun to do for the holidays to get rid of the pain and sadness of breaking our muses for a while.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or Kat! I can be found here, here, and here. Kat can be found here. If you need a skype, just ask! We hope to see guys enjoy yourselves!]]

[pantaloonkind]

DIRK: Cool story bro.

It was his birthday too, but you didn’t see him texting the world about it. Actually, he had yet to come out of his annoyingly large blanket fort that basically had encompassed his entire house. How else were you gonna spend your birthday?

DIRK: So what are you now… negative three hundred and ninety six?

[turntabler-blog]

DAVE: very funny dickmonger

DAVE: how long did it take you to come up with that one?

DAVE: nearly as long as the number you cited huh

Out of the entirety of Hive City, you would immediately run headfirst into the douchebag alternate Bro. Granted, you hadn't seen him since you initially entered into the city, but that didn't stop you from scoffing almost instantaneously - refraining from dismissing him altogether. After all, you both did share a birthday. Still, his appearance catches you off guard. You momentarily jump your skin, but regain your composure quickly enough to shake it off.

DAVE: im 17

But let's be honest. In the world of Citta, how old were you?

[turntabler-blog]

You stand alone in the middle of nowhere. No, literally, the sign above you states in an emboldened font that you are currently in NOWHERE, although you figure that you're not too far from home.

A subtle pulsing urged you to take a look down at your phone. Ah, yes . . . the forgetful feeling that once plagued your beloved Bro has seemed to engulf you whole. You comment underneath your breath in a cold stare.

DAVE: well shit

DAVE: its my birthday

Not only did you forget that you even had friends who genuinely were concerned for your well being, but you've become so detached that you've forgotten your own birthday.

Good going, Mr. Strider.

[regisickle-archive-blog]

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO TO TAKE SHIT QUIETLY? AND EVEN BEFORE YOU MAKE THE POINT THAT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE OPENED MY MOUTH THEY COULD POUR SHIT DOWN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, BECAUSE GOD FORBID I BE ALLOWED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREATH AROUND HERE WITHOUT HAVING SOME DEBRIS FLY STRAIGHT UP INTO MY NOSTRILS, KEEPING MY ACIDIC TOOTHCHAMBER SHUT WOULD JUST HAVE THEM SHOVING SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

IF I’M GOING TO SUFFER SOMETHING I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT WITHOUT GRATING ON THEM AS MUCH AS I CAN.

[turntabler-blog]

nobodys forcefully zipping that overgrown trap of yours shut

but you come off like a belligerent incoherent "hobo chic" asshole

every single one of us are withering away here

our youth is fading

soon well end up looking at pictures of each other huddled in a motherfucking circlejerk talking about the 'good old days'

all of this may be true and well but really

are you gonna sit there and whine about it like a little fairy pageant bitch or are you gonna poke that scrotum sack out and show off those cashew-sized cahoonas

actually take action for once instead of criticizing

besides i thought you were some sorta big whig leader

time to finally act like one

[regisickle-archive-blog]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE?? I CAN TRAIPSE THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN CITY, I CAN PEER INTO EACH AND EVERY COBWEBBED NOOK AND SLIMY CRANNY, I CAN DELIVER AN ACTUAL STEAMING PILE OF SHIT TOPPED WITH WHIPPED CREAM TO SOMEONE IN SECTOR ONE, BUT I *CAN’T FUCKING FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS PLACE*. IT’S GETTING SO BAD I’M BEGINNING TO ENTERTAIN THOUGHTS THAT BLAME THIS NOT ON MY INHERENT USELESSNESS, BUT ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING SITUATION AS A WHOLE.

WHERE’S GAMZEE. A MIRACLE IS OCCURRING. 

[turntabler-blog]

i knew shit was becoming too peaceful

to leave the city unfuckwittable for too long would have been too much like right

but instead were left with a blabbering oaf who banshee howls at the top of his lungs in a pipsqueak bark about the woes of traversing throughout an obviously shitty situation

reality check genius

weve all been hit with this plague like the hammer of motherfucking thor

what good does it do to complain

[milkmanner]

I know you guys want these shirts, don’t lie to me

[turntabler-blog]

➲ Dave: Debate humor.

[tophitout]

    Upon closer inspection, you realise the boy holds some sort of recognition for you. Perhaps not the ‘oh-shit I know who you are!’ type of recognition, but the more, ‘oh-shit I know what kind of creature you are!’ type. A grin began to ease its way across your azure lips, your beady gaze assaying the boy with much intrigue. Was he perhaps a participator in the game? He was definitely not John! You knew how John looked like. He heard about the other boy once before— but his name escaped your mind completely!

Vriska: What’s this? Perhaps you recognize little old me???????? Vriska: Sheeeeeeeesh. You don’t know how to take a joke, do you? I’m assuming you’ve played the game and understand what I’m talking a8out. Vriska: So you pro8a8ly know what I am. May8e John has spoken a8out me! ::::)

     Your smile becomes nigh impossible to ignore, outshining her out-of-this-world features. You never truly understood how the human mind worked, and it was almost impossible to manipul8 them as you seemed fit. It took you forever to do so with John— and you only ever accomplished making him fall asleep… Yeesh. That’s a bad track record.

[turntabler-blog]

OH SHIT would be a poignant combination of words to describe your feelings at this particular moment, if only based upon the girl's undeniably trollian features. Your stare intensifies through your BAD ASS SHADES before you let loose a long, exasperated sigh. Something about being around this girl already had you uptight, in a strangely, unexplainable way. Almost exhausting, but you had to give it to her. Her confidence was striking in comparison to the other, less interesting trolls you had come across. Maybe Terezi knew of her.

DAVE: when did i ever imply that i knew who you were

DAVE: i thought i only implied what you were

DAVE: your sense of humor is almost as awful as johns

DAVE: no wonder you two goofballs probably pal it up

DAVE: star crossed comedic bonds traveling along the cosmos to land square peg in the middle of some fucked up dysfunctional relationship between pubescent lil jimmy john egbert and queen sarcasm the pirate troll

The irony of you meeting the girl that your best friend blabbed to you about in detail long ago had made this situation particularly hysterical, if only for an opportunity to further embarrass John. Your overbearing sense of COOLNESS stayed in tact while addressing the foreign troll before you. At this point, you were prepared for anything she was willing to toss your way.

[turntabler-blog]

➲ Terezi: Kiss Dave.

[Oh.

Chest kiss.

It can be fairly reasonable to guess that neither of you expected that one.

Welp. Oh well! He asked for it so you guess you'll just have to oblige]

H3H3H3

W3LL D4V3

1F YOU W4NT TH3 K 1 GU3SS 1 C4N G1V3 1T TO YOU

[And so you move your hands up to cup his coolkid cheeks so you know where to to aim as you bring your face closer to his.  You wouldn't mind giving him an actual kiss.  Not that you ever actually would, but right here and right now you actually consider it.  You consider letting the playful smile that tugs at your lips to disappear as you bring your mouth to his.

But you don't.

You resist.

You stop just as your lips lightly brush against his and for a long moment you just stand there with no other movement other than your hands slipping from his face.]

D4V3

[You say as your hands move to the hem of his shirt and hover there for a short second before.  You said it softly (as softly as you could) in a 'romantic' attempt to distract him.  Because within a few seconds and in one swift movement you're under his shirt wrapping your arms around him and giving his chest a gentle kiss.]

H3H3H3H3

1TS W4RM UND3R H3R3!!

You had absolutely no idea what a 'K' was, or why you felt as though you were entitled to it, but still, you went along with it all like a pro. With your hands deeply sunken into your RIDICULOUSLY LARGE pockets (especially for someone who wore fitted jeans as a choice of fashion, if applicable) and your BAD ASS SHADES gleaming underneath the dimly lit surface, your posture seemed to stiffen at the sight of what your friend decided to do.

DAVE: wait a sec

DAVE: whats going on here

Her hands traced along the edges of your face, causing you to blush almost instantaneously. No, goddammit. Get a hold of yourself!! Cool kids don't blush!

Ah, but you had blown your cool. You watched it fade away, like all great legends of yesteryear. By God, you had been subjected to living out the rest of your life like post-Guns era Axl Rose instead of motherfucking David Bowie. Hell, at this point, you would have even taken post-prime Bono (at least he was in Oprah's good graces!!). But no, you had to wither away into obscure, flabby, washed up territory.

Snap out of it, Strider. You were just a teenage boy, after all. You couldn't always match your own expectations of 'cool', though your trollian girlfriend (?)'s lips pressing against your bare chest was enough to make you crash and burn whatever preconceived notions you had. Such seemed to be a regular occurrence when it came to women . . . at least those you cared about.

So, instead of showing any signs of enjoyment, you decide to push away - and fast. She couldn't know the motions you were going through.

DAVE: oh my god what are you doing

DAVE: my shirt is not a home you grayscale doofus

. . . and so, you continued to keep your regular, generic, stoic poker face throughout it all. Yet, truth be told, you liked the affection.

[tophitout]

     There was nothing in this world that you loathed more than pure, unadulterated boredom that struck at the finite webs you’ve cast in an attempt to acquiesce with the new venue. You definitely wished to assuage this boredom, but what can you possibly do when you’re thrown into some sort of vapid terrain that seemed terribly tame compared to your own world? You were more inclined to use your nerfed prowess, but then again they were nerfed. You should save it for when you needed it the most.

Vriska: Maaaaaaan. I’m so 8ored.

     Your gaze falls upon a peculiar individual who might as well be an alien to your eyes. He does not seem familiar but you can’t shake off the fact you’ve known him somehow. Or at least somewhere.

Vriska: Your shades are weeeeeeeeird!

[turntabler-blog]

Likewise, you shared the same sentiment, for being stagnant in such a totalitarian city drove you mad. The more you thought about it, the angrier you'd become - literally disassociating yourself entirely from reality. It was almost as if you had the mindset of a war veteran, seeing so many of your precious allies come and go. The headmasters in charge of overseeing this sham were some seriously sadistic assholes that seemed to get a kick out of seeing everyone's tension level raised.

All of this could be contributed to your general lack of motivation as well. Beforehand, you were but a curious boy roaming the streets aimlessly, trying to gather as much information as you possibly could to no avail. Now, you were a jaded teenager who didn't have the best of reputations.

Swiftly turning your head, you see a woman with grayish skin. Upon further examination, you find that she is - indeed! - a troll, though you cannot recall exactly which one.

DAVE: what

DAVE:  i would have to concur that those bulging horns growing out the side of your stringy dome could be categorized by many as being 'weird' as well but that wouldnt be very gentlemanlike of me would it

[turntabler-blog]

Ever hear from John these days?

DAVE: not at all

DAVE: ive tried to ring his line several times but all i get is a busy tone

DAVE: i think his phones disconnected

DAVE: probably forgot to pay the damn bill considering that horribly selective memory of his

Which was something you were more inclined to believe as opposed to John actually being gone from the city entirely. Granted, it had been months since you had even crossed paths with the bucktoothed wonder. Chances are, he may have made a his big escape. Selfish bastard.

[turntabler-blog]

Although you have the distinct feeling that something disastrous is happening to many of your cohorts, you remain quiet. Vigilant, but quiet. You weren't susceptible to manipulation anyway - or, at least, you thought as much. Just continue going about your day blissfully unaware.

[kitemitiko-blog]

[turntabler-blog]

okay how bout this if you were a crazy blind troll who could taste colors what flavor would she be tell her she smells like that

DAVE: that job isnt reserved for me

DAVE: id probably come up with the worse shit you could possibly imagine

DAVE: shed never talk to me again

[turntabler-blog]

D4V3 D4V3 YOU SHOULD COM3 FLY1NG W1TH M3!!!

Your sunglasses were still nowhere to be found, causing you to squint at the incoming messages a bit harder than normal. After making out what the text said, you reply confusedly.

TG: flying sounds cool and all but………

TG: i mean no offense by this at all by the way…………

TG: were gonna have to make a deal that im gonna be the pilot in this case scenario

[hamletmachine]

(Ah, forgot to mention this is a Guardian!Dave design.. Thanks, Puck!)

[turntabler-blog]

You wake up, groggily walking over to your cell phone. Looking down at the time and the date on the clock, let alone the massive amount of text messages you've received, you let loose a heaved sigh before typing up a massive response to all of those involved. 

TG: shit man im sorry im just now seeing all of this

TG: the last thing i remember is copping a squat

TG: concentrating all my energy into this massive pluto sized turd that somehow stored itself into my lil pubescent body

TG: you know the kind of shit where it feels like its been clogged up for months and months

TG: then all of a sudden im knocked out cold on the bathroom floor without my roommates having the decency to wake me up

TG: feels like ive been rotting there for weeks now

Little did you know, this assessment was probably true. You had been MIA for weeks now, including your dismissal of DJing gigs around the city. Still, it felt good to be conscious.

[turntabler-blog]

SORRY D4V3 / butt smack

Okay. What just happened here? Why did she randomly just smack your butt? You frown immediately as a natural reaction, sinking slowly.

DAVE: ……………………..

DAVE: what the hell was that for yo