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@turnteching-blog
They all started following you
……………. “Excuse me?”
"Okay, sweet, so you can hear. Or read lips, whatever it is deaf people do." [ He shrugs, before stuffing his hands into his pockets. Gotta be cool. ] "So anyway, sup. Name's Dave. Welcome to Vaginaland. No refunds."
<
They all started following you
{The “yo pal yo dude yo” language of the boy wasn’t very understandful for the soldier. Flippy replied with a blank face. Again.}
"Are you like deaf or something- do we have to flash out Morse code or use signal fires just so convey messages like military bases under siege? I mean, damn, you could've came with a little warning sign tied around your neck, like, 'WARNING: DUDE DOESN'T HEAR ANYTHING YOU MAY AS WELL BE TALKING TO A TREE'."
They all started following you
turnteching contraceptive-funblader friendleaderingturnteching tohzuki—suzuya lefappimpin steelguardtheredsea l-uffy s-awako
{Okay. Time to check some things. first: Waking up on a weird place with a KFC bucket,money and map. Not too weird. second: A bunch of motherfuckers on your front. Okay,starting to get weird. third: the place is a vagina. This is confusing as hell,man!!}
“Where am i…who are you…?”
"Aw, shit, the bitch just keeps suckin' 'em in."
"Okay, clearly we are gonna have to nail in some huge 'WELCOME TO THE VAG' sign or somethin', 'cause clearly the note that pretty much gives you the lowdown from the start isn't enough."
“Okay, okay, I get it!” Sora replied quickly, eager to get this guy to quit it with the weird metaphors! It was getting kind of embarrassing.
“Are you done rambling now? It’s not like I don’t know what a… vagina is.”
"A'ight, good. We don't need no pixie-brained Peter Pan runnin' around here crying Chest Kittens and 'Sugar Hole' to reference all that shit."
"Before I forget- name's Strider. Dave Strider."
“I…hope we’re not charged for this. Trust me, I don’t wanna be here.” Snow chuckled slightly at Dave’s remark as he continued.
“We’re being used by some scientist. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. But, don’t worry. I’mma bust us all outta here!”
In turn, Dave shrugs, "I mean not that it matters considering I'm pretty much rolling in boonbucks back home but whatever, I still want my complimentary peanuts and shitty movie." Pause- scientist? "Aw, shit, this is a Japanese horror flick gone wrong. You gonna make us the babies of the new world or something? Born from the giant black hole vagina of universal suction, yadda yadda."
Hephaestus's DJ!
If you're interested in this choice rump: get in line.
Sora stared at the other male for a long moment, looking dumbfounded. “…Huh?”
“What are you talking about?”
Rolling his eyes, he continues on-
"Y'know like, the thing you probably erupted from in a screaming ball of placenta and shit. Don't even make me fuckin' call it a 'lady meatloaf' I am too fucking young to be coming up with shitty metaphors for a vag just yet."
(requested by Eagle)
turnteching started following you
friendleadering started following you
masaomidesu started following you
Oh man, more people!
Did you guys all get swallowed up in this place, too?
"Oh my god is swallowed up even a good term for it the thing practically vacuumed me in like a shitty sci-fi porn star."
"I can see the title now: 'The Space Vagina - Deep Adventures' or something."
valored started following you
turnteching started following you
notasheeptorturer started following you
Hey, I’m Snow! How many people are gonna get trapped here anyways…? Someone’s got a fetish.
"Name's Dave."
"Anyway, so what's the lowdown for this bullshit vacation? I didn't apply for my frequent-flier card yet so y'all better hope a trip to the Vag-Down-Under ain't gonna run up my bill."
unfollow, bros
Happy birthday to me... [ Open ]
“I won’t, I promise!”
John gave another dorky laugh and shook his head. “No, you don’t! But I have a feeling Rose would!” You can’t help but coordinate the image Dave had given you with your once grimdark friend perfectly. Right down to the crows- though ravens may have fit her better. What’s the difference, you ask yourself in your head as you pass by the bed. You slide the spectacles off your face and place them there, before taking your pajama-god tiger— tier shirt off and tossing it at Dave’s face. You don’t have a wardrobeifier like the others, since your family was kind of a more quaintly old time thing, so you change like a normal person.
As in you go to the bathroom (assumedly), uncaptcha’ your GHOST SUIT, and change! When you come out, you probably remind Dave of Doc Scratch (if he had ever seen the guy- you, yourself, haven’t, in all honesty). But the contrast in color may or may not be something Kanaya would be proud of, as you are wearing white and Dave, black.
“Can I have that back, by the way, or do I have to work my way back to you, Dave?” Did you just make a song reference? You totally didn’t make a song reference! It totally wasn’t a song that was used in a movie or something at any given point in time. No, sir. Not at all!
"Good. Don't wanna let this incredibly swag suit to go to waste, y'know. Got ladies to swoon and hearts to break, et cetera or whatever," he says with the hint of a smirk, adjusting his tie.
"Shit, man, I bet Harley would lay down some musical improv with her bass and they'd be hittin' the stage as a fashion-beats duet in no time. Lalonde could even drawl out some of her shitty wizard fanfiction as an encore." Dave goes, shaking his head a little at the thought, until he gains +1 Pajamas to the face. Emitting a grunt of protest, he pulls the blue fabric away and watches John go off to change in the bathroom, actually taking notice of how much mangrit his pal actually had now.
It strikes him as a little funny, actually, knowing that he has to remember they aren't thirteen anymore and that they are kind of growing up. He shakes the thought away when Egbert exits the bathroom, donned in a suit that contrasts Dave's own. "You ruined my innocence by flashing me. How could you defile my virgin eyes?" he snarks in a feigned distraught tone, tossing the shirt back at the Heir's own face.
"But man, get a look at us. We look like that goddamn chessboard," he compares instead. White suits held little importance to him, as he was rather unaware of Doc Scratch himself. If anything, it was just the slightest bit tacky. Ironic, even. "Dapper as fuck."
Happy birthday to me... [ Open ]
“No, of course I wasn’t sleeping on the day I was born. I was obviously getting some heroin or whatever into my system via closed eyelids, Dave.” John rolls his eyes. “I just stayed up late last night, no big deal! There’s nothing to worry about, really!” He attempts to put on his best I’m Not Fucking With You smile and—
Did he just break into a fit of laughter? Did he snort? Eewww, nerd. He always found Dave’s ironic banters hilarious (not in the i’m laughing at you way, in the i’m laughing with you way!) and they always brought his mood up! So—
“Woah!”
Still laughing, Egbert was pushed to the side and was now being confronted by one Knight of Time, who probably wasn’t actually waiting for him to put on a dress. Either way, he stepped back infront of the doorway to look outside for a moment. He thought that maybe Rose and Jade would just…magically appear! But no such luck.
He closed the door.
Turning to face Strider, he cleared his throat.
“Are you going to help me or something?” Of course, he was joking.
He quirks a brow, his eyes throwing a sidelong glance from behind the shades. "Well shit. Didn't know you were all low down on the mechanics of drugs and all the incredibly shitty ways to use them. You'll have to show me sometime." Dave is actually not sure if you can take heroin via the eyes, but he's sure some poor fuckwad out there has blown a pupil or two to try it. Loser.
With a shrug, he lets the excuse slide, because damn that big stupid smile and dorky laugh combo gets to him. "Alright, sleepin' beauty, whatever you say. Just don't conk out during the wicked birthday fiesta I've got brewin' for you."
"Do I look like your goddamn fairy godmother, Egbert? Summoning my inner Kanaya and spinnin' dresses out of your curtains via the musical cue with the crows to help and sing along like all your Disney favorites. I ain't gonna crochet you a mangrit cozy."
Happy birthday to me... [ Open ]
Moments before Dave’s foot had even connected with the door, John heard the woosh of the wind as he walked— actually, he heard him a mile away.
>John: Explain.
The game had affected the boy greatly. The consequence of his power over the wind was a heightened sense of hearing- Egbert could hear the wind hit someone in the face, could hear it race past someone as they ran. Anyone could- you just had to listen.
However, John was not in the mood for listening. Wiping tears away from his eyes, he crammed the nearby pillows over his ears and groaned as the oncoming seven (or one) kick(s) came down on the poor piece of wood.
Now, listening to the wind did not mean he could identify a person. He could only tell someone was coming, and an approximation of how fast. Not in number, though. He was never good with numbers.
“Who in Skaia’s clouds—” Before he could finish his sentence, he heard the monotonous voice of his best bro for life demand that his now one year older ass be outside waiting for him beck and call. Okay, not true, Dave had just asked him to come outside, and fast. The last of the tears gone, Egbert turned around and answered in a raspy voice, “I’m coming, jeesh, Dave!!” He cleared his throat and got off the bed, making his way over to the door. His hood was down when he answered, and he fiddled with and adjusted his glasses (he had momentarily swooped them off before answering to make it look as though he had just woken up, so Dave would just assume he was tired).
>John: Answer the door.
“Hey Da—” When his vision cleared up, he stood there for a few moments; mouth a’gaping, brows raised- just a general shocked expression. Then, he said to Dave the same words he said to Karkat, albeit the change of name:
“Dave,
I am not a homosexual.”
(And this may or may not be true, but it obviously isn’t important.)
Despite not having sonic hearing parallel to John's, he counts down the seconds it takes for the Heir to reach the door, albeit not consciously. Much like his trickster bro, Dave's aspect followed him even where the game was, technically, nullified. The seconds resounded in his head, ticking away at all times- always aware of the ever-moving hours and minutes and seconds and milliseconds--
He can hear the click of the doorknob, and suddenly before him is the disheveled boy himself. Even through the color-diluting lenses of his shades, Dave can see the glassy, red additions to John's baby-blues. It rubs him the wrong way, but he won't comment on it. Not directly, at least.
"Dude, you can't seriously be nappin' your entire birthday away," he pauses to lean in through the flowers the slightest bit more just to check the other's eyes out more. "Don't have to give you the drugs are bad speech, do I? Your eyes are glassy as fuck."
Leaning back on his heels, he pauses a moment, before adding thoughtfully, "Your sexuality has nothing to do with our plans, Egbert. Now, put on your best satin dress and look pretty, 'cause evidently, we got places to be. I will take you on the best of bromantic dates, and you will make all the My Sweet 16 girls jealous as Hell."
That said, he pushes his way past John into the room, checking out the place. It's a bit different than his own pad, but he thinks it's alright nonetheless. Ever so gracefully, he dumps the flowers in a corner of the room, before turning back to his sweet bro.
"Well?"
mix 1: awake? { open }
[ Your ears twitch from excitement from seeing the cool kid in front of you! He was ok, for the most part!! Still the same as ever, but that’s what you like about him. Even when he wasn’t trying to be funny, he was. You could say he was a bit dorky, but he was still cooler than you. Probably.
You let out a soft giggle out and tilt your head, noticing that his attire was different as well. He had reached Godtier as well, didn’t he? Your shiver was quite obvious - Dave had to die to reach that and, well, even it does freak you out despite his timey-wimey bullshit?
Still, you replace the shiver with a soft punch to Dave’s arm. ]
“heehee! glad to see you too cool kid!! though we should save the reunion for later! we need to figure out where we are right? woof!”
[ You shriek slightly at the random woof that emerged from your mouth and quickly cover it. Well, this is quite embarrassing, isn’t it? Lose your cool in front of the cool kid why don’t you? ]
“sorry….”
The white, fluffy appendages interest you more than they should, as you have never seen anything quite like them. You remember her devilbeast of a dog, Bec, and wonder if that's how she came to get them. Vaguely, you also wonder if she likes when people pet them- wow shit that was stupid to think about.
You catch her fixating her bright eyes on what you'd guess is your new clothes, though it's been awhile now that you've had them, and take note of the shiver that undoubtedly has run down her spine. You swear her eyes seem to lose a bit of their bright demeanor for a split second before she is socking you in the arm and laughing again. Good.
"Ow, fuck, don't go breaking all my poor bones when I'm in such a fragile state of shock. It's bad for my recovery from the trauma of having to actually get up and do things. Have some consideration." You say, rubbing the wounded area, because she actually can pack quite the punch.
"We're in a place call--"
And then you hear it. The single puppy-dog noise that makes even you cutoff mid-sentence and pause just to register the noise correctly to make sure you didn't blow an eardrum on your way from being ripped through the universes to get here. But she actually just barked.
Oh my god. Thankfully, you are a master in keeping shit like that locked up tighter than Alcatraz, and you don't let her hear the snort you force back down your throat.
"Just another perk to your sweet-ass dogtier upgrade package? Man, I'm jealous. All I got was this shitty cape."
Happy birthday to me... [ Open ]
Happy Birthday to me,
It's 4/13,
I may be sixteen but,
Still, I feel no less than thirteen.
John sat on his bed in, strangely enough (to him), Hades domain, the First House of the Crown. His roommate had been missing ever since he got here, though he had been told he had one, and that it was a girl, and that she had pink hair and a lazy air about her, but that wasn’t even close to what the boy was thinking about so let’s leave this for another time. The Hero of Breath sat on his bed with his back to the world and his face to the wall, wearing those silly ‘pajamas’ he’d gotten accustoming to using 24/7. Could you blame him? They were the comfiest pajamas anyone had ever worn— even Dave would have probably been wearing them for god knows how long, irony or not! Actually, speaking of Dave, John probably looked like him currently. He wore a straight face, like his pal usually did, only more melancholic, and around him lay a sombre mood. His glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose. He did not push them back up.
Now, you all know what series John is from, right? Yeah, that’s Homestuck. And what day is it today? Oh, that’s right! The thirteenth of April— and it’s the year 2012! So, how many years has it been since Homestuck began? If you guessed two, you’re wrong. If you guessed one, you’re ice cold. If you think it began today, then how come John was here before that? You’re silly. If you guessed that it’s been three years since the webcomic began, you’re right on the mark! Today, unbeknownst to him, was Homestuck’s third anniversary.
But it was also his birthday. And there was no one to celebrate it with.
…Well, that’s not a total lie- but the only person he knew right now from back home was Dave. And doubtless Dave would throw a party for his bro- that was totally uncool. And John wouldn’t hold it against him! It’s not that he wasn’t the type to hold grudges— he was (small ones though, and he was very forgiving), but…
He missed his other friends, too. He missed Rose and Jade— and the Trolls! He missed Vriska, Terezi, even Karkat and all his yelling! But, in all honesty, most of all…
He missed his Dad.
Memories of his father’s death flashed at a rapid pace in his head, quicker than he could think. No, his dad was not the only thing he cared for, obviously, but think about it. If you lost your dad, and your dad was nice and caring, who made you cakes (even though John hated those Betty Crocker goodies), who was proud of you,
wouldn’t you miss him?
Well, our Heir of Breath does. And although Egbert didn’t want to believe it, he knew— deep in his heart, he knew— that he could never see him again.
And it hurt.
A lot more than he thought it would. Than he ever thought it would. More than all the times he died.
Since he arrived, his internal clock as been somewhat scrambled from being ripped from his appointed universe and timeframes- however, Dave does not need clock nor calendar to recall just what the day was from the moment he woke up ( very late in the afternoon, you might add. )
He's not dumb, and he knows what today is. It is his best bro in the world ( and universe(s) )'s birthday. It is also the day that they started that stupid game and boy oh boy, this calls for celebrations of peppy nature because he already knows no bro should party alone on such a day.
==> Find the birthday boy.
After wasting precious time wandering around for a flower shop, the Knight finally gets his hands on a variety extremely overdone, ridiculously huge bouquets of all sorts of flowers he can't be bothered to learn the names of, simply by flashing the sun branded on his arm and offering a wink to the cute girl behind the counter. After changing to the forever-cool Aces suit Dave recalls alchemizing ages ago, he is on his way to the Underworld territory where he is almost certain he will find his now-16 year old pal.
It's a rather long-winded trip that involves having to stop and pick up flowers he keeps dropping due to his arms being literally full of the things, but nonetheless, Dave eventually winds up at what he learns is John's door. Housing assignments posted around like high school drama club callback papers, he's certainly got a way with finding out what he needs to know.
With a brisk kick ( or seven ) to the door, he keeps a straight face but calls out to whoever is behind the damned thing, "You have ten seconds to get your birthday boy ass out here, Egbert."
