Mellow

[dailyflicks]

LAST HOLIDAY (2006) dir. Wayne Wang

[tutytam]

Happy new year! This time you'll do everything different. I love you, sis.

[tutytam]

Read "A Year in Provence".

Good.

I needed it now, in this grey and cold winter. Hard to believe that the place it tells about is real.

Have you ever been to a residential area in an industrial town in winter?

[starrysurrealism]

I am alive I tell myself

yet why cannot I live

the pain is crushing,

the weight is too much

[tutytam]

How do you make a decision? Is it really just making up your mind and then doing it? How come my decision-making mechanism is broken?

P. S. Am I really spending the New Year's night alone?

[uberragend]

*WinterMorgen IX*

[tutytam]

Still got colors 🍁

[tutytam]

What's silicate? It's me,

I'm made of it right now. I have no clue whether it's solid or liquid, thick or thin, what color it is. But it's me. Standing here at a bus stop, where the sign says 'Silicate plant', I suddenly understood that it's about me and how it feels. I am nothing and come from nowhere, I know nothing about myself and where I am going. And I fucking give up.

[tutytam]

What if I give up?

My heart is beating faster when I think of it, my anxiety wakes me up every morning, I am procrastinating by doing some work after work. How can I make this decision? Why is this so scary? What if I give up? What am I supposed to do with myself then? Why am I like this?

How can I help myself? Because there is nobody else who is going to help me

[tutytam]

October Mood! 🍁 🍂🌂

[tutytam]

Missed my train to St Pete

Yesterday. It was like I was watching a dream really. Here's me pushing through the crowds of people on the metro.. still have 10 min! Here's me running in the rain to the station.. 5 min! Maybe the train is delayed 🙏 Here's me standing in the middle of the hall.. the train left 4 min ago. And then, the bottom of the bag with the books breaks and all of them fall to the floor. At that point my only desire was to storm outside and run and weep and swear in the dark and rain.

...I picked up my books, went to the ticket office and returned the tickets. Sorry, friend, was going to bring your Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine back.. apparently, next time

And yeah.. I am completely fine

[estrellablogg]

Güzel şeyler olsun artık :

Mesela ,

Insanlar , insanları kendi gibi sevsin... ☀️

[tutytam]

Fall feels like...

[tutytam]

Now, since I have...

about 40 minutes to read every day, I'm catching up with my plan! Yay! The hardest part is not to cry on the underground 🙈😭

I wonder, what my face looks like when I finish a book? Weird!

[atraversso]

Credit: by Victoria J Baxter

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Plaisir d’amour en Iran (Agnès Varda, 1976)

[tutytam]

“Wind in the Willows”

is done, reread, check, ✔

I remember reading it as a child, it was a book with nice illustrations. And as I was reading the text this time, I could vividly see them. Such a nice memory trick! Thanks, brain!

Also I kind of associate myself with Ratty. He is a nice fellow, with a bit of anxiety sometimes - remember him preparing for the battle at Toad Hall (only I have it non-stop really) and a great love of poetry and an eye for beauty. But Mole is my favorite! He’s just adorable!

What character are you?

[tutytam]

Why don't we

use the concept of consent at workplaces? Like fuck no, Susan, I'm not giving my consent to listening stories about your husband's arthritis.

[lukasz-buda]

Take a break.

[tutytam]

I'm the one napping 🐑 ahhh, naps 😍💕

[tutytam]

Is it just me...?

who tries to fall back asleep as tight as possible between the alarm snoozes? ⏰😴