tick tock the box are pandora in the box

a girl in a while a woman to be. learn and learn even though will stumble down and up

[twentyforthseptember]

24

Hooray is a word I should say yesterday. But, I did not. Got overwhelming from works which I −still− can not understand the business flow 😭 and surrounded by his fam, dont know why, I feel exhausted maybe bcs I have to behave myself in front of them. Keep myself check each minutes and so on.

My fam did not congratulate me, oh they did but on the last minutes 12 PM, my sis and I are not in good terms. Dont know why. Aaaaaand the last thing, my phone broke up for the 3rd times. How unlucky am I. ‘This is my not so good birthday’ what I think.

F.

[twentyforthseptember]

Jika

Menjadikannya pilihan saat sudah memilih Tidak kah hati sudah mendua Menjadi ragu lagi

Jika memang kau adalah takdir Datanglah padaku Lepaskan jeratan ini

[twentyforthseptember]

Finally! We sleep in the same bed again. Sahnas, apik, and I. So excited to greet the days on with them. I really love em sosososososo much.

[twentyforthseptember]

Recently I visited Galeri Nasional Indonesia, lot of painting and installation perks my interest. A pair of the painting that I like are these.

Unfortunately, I got no time to look at the description of the painting buttttt one thing for sure is. I love the way the painter tell the audience. S/He decrypt women as a living in a family that handles anything. Always being there to tend anything. If you can see, the background of the painting is a bunch of newspapers. That means, we as social living have to prepare for any rumors that may encounter us.

Under the main woman standing, there are woman in bowls (Kartini, Susi, etc). I interpret it, woman is just a side dish on a meal. Complement something that missing of but unnecessary to have. Ah, for the torch pointing on woman. What my thought is, we as a woman must save our face. Behave the way society wants and we must doll up if we want get the intention.

Let’s move on to men section. We can see ‘Formula’, ‘Perempuan’, and ‘Kuat’ on the painting. Society think all men should be strong and join the race between other men. Skull motive on the man skirt makes me wonder, should they sacrifice others to be a winner or not?

Aside from the pressure that society give to all men, what I despise the most is. ‘Perempuan’ or woman are what men thinking all the time (imo). Woman becomes a trophy to men, they struggle to get us but who’ll know what will happen after they get us 🤷‍♀️

[twentyforthseptember]

That Imagination Won’t Become Reality

I ever thought to surrender with the situation. Suicide was the only thing in my mind. Nothing can be real if I give up.

Yeah. That thought once again pop in my mind, BUT, I do not want it anymore. What I want is free.

[twentyforthseptember]

Welcome to INDEF

Hellow world! Long short story I got a job at Institute for Development of Economics and Finance or so-called INDEF. The company itself based on Jakarta and only there. They’re doing research on many things and obviously focusing on economic issues. Maybe rn you or whoever reads this guessing what position I am in, considering my background in statistics and how come work on economy company.

On my intern here, I work as data analyst on Big Data Division. Sounds legit right? But It does. I learn lot of many language; python, google cloud sdk, yaml, json. But only the surface, I won’t master them only on my intern here.

Perks work here? That flexible work time bruh, I can ask for permission to absent and apply for a job like psychotest, interview, or anything else. There’re more. I got to know higher-up people on the economy and meet them. Obviously, I got to know that I am an unimportant person yet. I mean in these 2 weeks there's a lot of story build-up and fill my head.

Hm, no one perfect right? My division seems extraordinary and mesmerizing lah. But on my running at their program, I start to think about their program’s flaw.  One, by, one, it was revealed.

[twentyforthseptember]

fhm

woah emang bener kalo kaget bisa ngilangin kantuk. ya, gak ada bayangan sama sekali aja kalo bakal di line chat sama dia gitu.

*in a flash* langsuuuung hilang kantuknya, bales, kaget aja udah gitu wkwkwkwk

[hplyrikz]

[twentyforthseptember]

hey there

Such a fine semester I had. Seperti biasanya motivasi, kemampuan, keinginan, dan semua yang dapat mendukung masa perkuliahan di awal semester sangatlah membeludak.

sok termotivasi.

I have a hunch about what task will fail and though I knew it, aku gak berbuat apa-apa. Nothing. Tiduran di kasur, melihat lampu kamar, makan, dan tidur.

I really hate myself.

[twentyforthseptember]

apakah cukup alasan untuk tak terlalu dekat karena tak ingin kehilangan

[twentyforthseptember]

tidak ada yang salah dalam rasa. hanya, aku berbicara rasa dalam bahasa yang berbeda denganmu. karena menurutmu, rasa adalah seperti itu maka tak layak bagiku untuk menyalahkan. bukan situasi tapi intuisi kamu berikan aku rasa tapi aku tak merasa aku beri kamu rasa tapi kamu tak merasa bukan, tak ada yang salah dengan rasa kita hanya saja kita berbicara bahasa yang berbeda

[twentyforthseptember]

kira-kira dalam sembunyi apakah kamu pernah merinduku

[twentyforthseptember]

hai

sudah lama rasanya, tak berfikir untuk berfikir, menulis yang tak bermakna, tanpa harapan dan tanpa asa. tak perlu berlama-lama, ayuk kita mulai aja :)

mungkin sudah satu tahun tak pernah ada tulisan personal maupun pemikiran bebas dari diri sendiri. haya kutipan dari drama korea, film barat dan indonesia, atau perkataan orang saja yang aku posting selama ini.

dulu, ada saja ruang untuk berfikir bebas. dulu, ada saja waktu untuk berfikir bebas.

pikiran jalang kini sudah manja. tak ingin bergerak dan bahkan mereka terlalu malas untuk menunjukkan keberadaannya. berdalih perkara tugas ataupun tanggung jawab, yang nyatanya dilalaikan begitu saja. sungguh zalim dan amat bodoh [33:72-73].

[twentyforthseptember]

Manic Panic

Where's your mind so hectic Like everything are displace Just then hypermode are on And in the nick of time It turns to be depressed mode How amazing my mind are And Your 'kuasa' Swinging hard up and down down Like butterfly All gone in time

[twentyforthseptember]

berikan aku kekuatan untuk selalu berusaha. berikan aku kekuatan untuk tidak menyerah

turning 20

[twentyforthseptember]

dia

dalam satu naungan yang sama, pada rumah yang sama. akhirnya kami bisa dekat sebagai saudara. mungkin hanya dua tahun dalam delapan belas tahun bersama aku merasa dekat dengannya.

sekarang sudah mendekati kedua puluh tahun yang memang mungkin tak selalu bersama, aku kembali setelah pergi dalam waktu relatif lama. hanya di dalam benak saja pikiran ini terlintas-kembali dalam satu naungan yang sama tak selalu mengembalikan yang telah ada. kami satu rumah kembali, tapi asa raganya tak kembali.

[twentyforthseptember]

live in drama

it would be nice living in a drama which the script we write ourself. the plot. the climax. we decided. where no strugle-maybe one or two just to make things interesting.