The legend of Gungnir, the dragon suplexing giant
Andris (my wild mage) decided that he wants a big ass sword roughly the size of a tree, so that he can wield it with Bigby’s Hand. He also wanted it made of Mythral, so that it could be better imbued with magic, not to mention so it’s actually light enough for the hand to use. Also a side note, I use the Net Libram of Magical Effects, a table of 10,000 chaos bursts, rather than the standard one. Keeps things extra interesting.
We could have paid 60,000 gold and waited a month, but we cut the wait and price in half by telling the smith we’ll go get the material ourselves. So this becomes a big quest, involving climbing the tallest mountain in the area to get a fuckload of mythral.
We climb this mountain, and take rest in a cave near the top.
Naiou (tabaxi rogue, who’s basically our babysitter): So, why am I babysitting you guys again? Why are we in this cold ass mountain?
Andris: Because Ravi (leader of the thieve’s guild which most of us are a part of) doesn’t want us to die, and one of his baubles might be on this mountain. Also I need mythral for a giant sword.
Naiou: Okay, but *why* though?
Andris: Ravi probably thinks we’ll die without your supervision. (I should note she’s also a guest character and really doesn’t like me) Anyway, let’s all get going ahead.
DM: You come across a very open area, and see a very, very large creature curled up at the edge of the room. Everyone roll a dexterity saving throw.
*Everyone rolls high enough, except for our (now clinically depressed) Barbarian, Gungnir, who slips a bit on the ice and kicks a rock right at the creature.
Dragon: Who are you? …Did you bring me my next meal?
Gungnir: My name’s Gungnir, nah, I didn’t bring you food but could we live here for a while? *rolls low on persuasion*
Dragon: Heh heh heh, you can stay a long time… But you won’t be living. *dragon gets up and gets ready for a fight*
Now, our party is NOT ready to fight an adult white dragon. We have seven level 5s, against a CR13 dragon.
We roll initiative, warlock goes at the top of the round. He sends his familiar to distract the dragon while the rest of us escape, but the familiar gets instantly killed by the dragon’s breath. The ranger comes up next, and shoots the dragon with his bow. He does decent damage, but not enough to faze the dragon.
The dragon comes up, blocks the exit, and does a single claw attack on our paladin, dealing about ¾ of her health in that single hit.
Daisy (half-incubus cleric): I cast Enhance Ability for Strength on Gungnir, and end my turn.
Andris: I twincast Enlarge/Reduce on Gungnir and the dragon, making Gungnir’s size class grow to large, and the dragon’s size class decrease to large. *Gungnir and I look at each other and nod to confirm he knows what I’m planning*
DM rolls for the con save for the dragon, fails with a 2.
Gungnir: I’m going to grapple the dragon.
DM: Hold on there bucko, I didn’t roll for Andris’s chaos bursts yet. *rolls two d20s since twincast, gets 20 for both* Alright… Gungnir, your torso begins glowing a very bright light, nearly blindingly bright. And the dragon… *expression of pain* You’ll see.
DM: So you grapple the dragon, okay, cool.
It loops back to the ranger, who shoots his thunder bow at the dragon. He overdraws his bow, causing a MASSIVE thunder wave, knocking some roughly human sized icicles from the ceiling.
DM: *roll* *roll* *mixed look of worry and excitement*
DM: Alright, some icicles fall from the ceiling, and everyone is safe aside from Gungnir. You get impaled by an icicle, and die instantly, now pinned to the dragon that you were grappling.
The dragon’s turn comes around and he just takes off at top speed out of the cavern.
DM: So, that wild burst on the dragon? It constantly runs away from you as long as you’re within a mile of it. But oh, that’s not all. Since he and Gungnir are the same size, he cannot fly. He takes 20d20 falling damage and… *rolls a few times* dies immediately. Congrats, asshole. Your absurd luck has prevailed once again against an enemy that you were supposed to RUN AWAY FROM. You all gain two levels, except for Gungnir. You have to make a new character.
Before we left the cave, I stole the dragon’s entire hoard of gold, and got the mythral we were here for in the first place. I had five portable holes, one gets completely filled with gold (for a grand total of nine million gold, which I’m not sure the DM knows or will accept), and three full of mythral. We go down and skin the dragon, taking every bit and piece we can, putting all the meat, scales and things in our Bag of Colding™ and draining the blood into my last empty portable hole (for a bit more than two thousand gallons of dragon blood if my math is right). So now we’re filthy rich at level 7, and have an entire dragon corpse in our bag. Our entire group was out of commission for a good half hour just laughing our asses off and discussing the implications of the wild burst.