dumb things my friends and I have said: 2022!
part two: april - june
apologies ahead of time for length!
feel free to change pronouns if need be.
warning for foul and dirty language, and capslock-implied yelling :)
“You get points for trying, Jesus said so.”
“Not gonna lie, I just want an excuse to be a huge dick in a fancy suit.”
“You’re sorry? You’re the one who shot orbeez into my soup.”
(maniac laughter) “I get to destroy the government!”
“I am NOT a closet pickle eater.”
“The real blackmail is the photos of the frosted tips.”
“Loving the Home Depot commercial remix.”
“This is what made his doctor’s degree disappear into the woods.”
“I drive myself to drink.”
“The frozen balls are gonna hurt more.”
“It’s a record, you dumb fuck.”
“Yeah, well Twitter’s a lying sack of shit― Oh.”
“Working here is going to begin my Joker arc.”
“I dunno how to explain this to you without breaking any HIPAA laws.”
“I was about to be really mad, and then I realized I couldn’t read.”
“Back in my day, we touched grass.”
“You’re so valid. I’m 24 and get carded at the mall.”
“Are we pillaging or not?”
“Okay why did this personality quiz just read me to filth.”
“I feel like if I told him ‘please don’t kill me I’m very mentally ill’ he wouldn’t do it.”
“Hearing that comment is the equivalent of McDonald’s Sprite.”
“Do I look like I know how to draw feet?”
“Can we maybe please be normal about literally just another human being?”
“You can’t gobble at me and expect me not to gobble back.”
“He may be qualified but he is also not…that.”
“Stop pretending to be a lesbian every time I’m near you.”
“Sorry for the lukewarm take, I’m gonna go ride my bike now.”
“You can chew ice cream with real teeth if you’re not a coward.”
“It’s not that hard to figure out, you just suck at trying.”
“Oh hang on, I can make a funny joke about this.”
“Post theft reverse pickpocketing.”
“How do we have the same brain?”
“WHY IS THERE A BIRD IN THE BUILDING?”
“I’m not here to fight spiders.”
“Imagine needing a GPS to get to McDonald’s.”
“Please don’t clap your ass for the kids.”
“That rat just fucked your girl.”
“If I were a crocodile I’d live in Florida.”
“They’re fucking high on volcano ash. Okay.”
“That would require your death, according to the lore.”
“Bitch I am on the ground.”
“I dug this grave, and so I lie in it.”
“I dunno, I think my tweets are kinda banger.”
“I’m too sexy and iconic to have a job.”
“I’m gonna go join my milkshake in the shadow realm.”
“Oh, hey, good job! You don’t have to get fucking plowed by a 2006 Saturn Ion!”
“Would you be mad if I showed up dressed as Spider-Man?”
“She’s juicy for her food.”
“I dunno man, I’m only certified in bird law.”
“Please do not arson the cacti.”
“You have been identified by the government as a huge bitch.”
“We should steal a cactus and get charged with a felony.”
“This is what Oklahoma does to a motherfucker.”
“He looks very pro-police.”
izzy806
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
areudirty
discoholicmusic
vaporwave
prguitarman
