🦇 @twinpeas - Tumblr Blog

AJ Morgan on Instagram / Etsy

drove past a hotel and they had a pretty big digital message board and I glanced over and almost had a fucking stroke while driving because it was just playing this gif

ejacutastic

I’M GOING TO LOSE IT IT WASN’T FOR MOTHER’S DAY THEY JUST HAVE THE FUCKING DANCING BABY 24/7

khanooqa

WE WENT??? ITS THERE???

vapingbaby

simsgonewrong

hidinghalfofmyself-deactivated2

janjas

WHY DID THIS JUST APPEAR ON MY COMPUTER

Your time is now

You cracked the code

When is ryan reynolds gonna come out with a double penetration film?

cobaltdays-deactivated20210208

excuse me

journeymanfool

janjas

gallusrostromegalus

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

gallusrostromegalus

“is he very verbal?”

“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”

“was it hard to potty-train him?”

“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”

“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”

“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”

“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”

“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”

“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”

“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”

gallusrostromegalus

The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.

(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now: https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalus )

mrsbandicoot-deactivated2021061

the funniest moment of that Madagascar movie was when the penguins make it to Antarctica and theyre standing there in the blizzard in silence until ones just like ‘WELL THIS SUCKS.”