The thing about Those White People Baby Names is the way they so poetically express the tension between individuality and rigid conformity. These parents all want to name their child something unique, because they value the concept of uniqueness, yet simultaneously they abhor it in practice⊠ergo, 30 different spelling variations on the most normative possible names. This homogeneity-masquerading-as-diversity is inseparable from capitalist consumer culture and in fact is directly analogous to the experience of walking into a grocery store and being asked to âchooseâ between 50 varieties of toothpaste with the same exact ingredients, 12 brands of laundry detergent, etc.
Somebodyâs third eye is WIDE the fuck open??!!!!!!!
okay so thereâs actually a reason behind this that isnât just âwhite people are terrible and really really boring!â itâs to do with Mormon culture. specifically: the fireworks you get when sexist expectations and terrible petty drama collide.Â
most of Those White People Baby Names are originally Mormon baby names. theyâre chosen (or invented) by women in Utah; they tend to filter out to the rest of the world through things like âmommy blogsâ and âbaby name booksâ and âparent forums.âÂ
you know how every culture has a âhey, welcome to the world, lil baby!â ritual? the mormon version of that is called a baby blessing. the babyâs father, and a handful of other men in the family, go up in front of the congregation during a Sunday service and say a special prayer. it begins by reciting the babyâs full name and then saying âI give you a name and a blessing.â Itâs not something you can avoid doing- if you try, people will think that youâre trying to hide something. baby blessings are mandatory, and everyone in the congregation will watch and judge you.
because of this, your babyâs name gets a good bit more of a spotlight in Mormon culture than it does in secular culture, and thatâs saying something.Â
 Mormon women start picking out names for their hypothetical future kids in fourth or fifth grade and snipe at each other for picking âweirdâ or âbadâ ones. itâs something thatâs supposed to be in the back of your head long before you have a kid. and because people will judge you if you pick a name thatâs âtoo boringâ or âtoo weirdâ, it is already an intricate dance of finding something thatâs âinterestingâ enough to pass muster but not so âinterestingâ your kid wonât survive kindergarten.
and that dance becomes even more intricate when Baby Name Drama gets involved.Â
see, because youâre supposed to put so much time into your babyâs name, a lot of women get⊠overinvested, let us say. the perfect name they picked for their baby is THEIR babyâs name and NO ONE ELSEâS. if you so much as dare to BREATHE that youâre naming your baby/pet/favourite laptop the same thing, you have STOLEN their BABYâS NAME. Â
so hereâs the thing⊠say you really wanted to name your daughter Amy. You love the name, itâs classic, itâs cute, itâs perfect for your little girl-to-be⊠and then your sister-in-law gets pregnant and LOUDLY ANNOUNCES that sheâs naming her baby Amy! and you know for a fact that sheâs the type of person to throw a massive petty shitfit over you STEALING her BABYâS NAME. your family will take sides. her family will take sides.Â
if you want to avoid the drama, and youâre dead-set on naming your daughter-to-be Amy⊠well, then you name your daughter Aimee, or Aimi, or Aimy. Itâs not the same name, itâs pronounced the same but itâs not the exact same name, so you can shut up, sis-in-law.Â
from what I understand a lot of the Crazy Name Spellings came from this root- âitâs not Kaylee, itâs Kayleigh, I swear I didnât steal your ideaâ- and then once it became a trend, people named their kids that to be ~trendy~ just like they did with every other stupid trend.Â
but the root cause of Terrible Trendy Misspelt Baby Names has very little to do with white people being boring and conformist, and certainly nothing to do with capitalism. itâs a good old fashioned case of a) sexist expectations warping womenâs behaviour into really really stupid shapes and b) Petty Small Community Drama. Â
This is a terrific addition to this post that I donât think actually contradicts my main idea all that much
Its explains Reneesme Iâll tell you that.
