Two Bored Moms

We're just two ordinary girls raised on a diet of 2 parts reality tv, 4 quarts popular culture, a generous lashing of politics and a pinch of gossip... These mutterings are our own, they are not commissioned, totally unscripted, not paid for and definitely not censored. We are not trying to be controversial, we are just too damn opinionated.

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#MotherNature #pastor #God #racism #thoughtpiece #southafrica #controversy #fightracism #fightracismnow

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#ReluctantMother #4yearold #son #Jesus #kids #parenthood #kidsquestion

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#MotherNature #friends #Friendship #childhood #parenting

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Land of the Free????

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Gender Struggles

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Fashion, Tours and Everything in Between....

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Childless Mother

I am the firstborn of four siblings and as a good African daughter can honestly say I helped co-parent my siblings to an extent where I have never really had a chance or felt the compulsion to imagine being a mother. All illusions and false notions about children have never pervaded my consciousness and understanding of these miniature people.

By some bizarre stroke of fate I find myself working most days as an assistant pre-school teacher, couple that with living next door to my infant niece and my life is very much full of children.

Mother's Day is coming up in South Africa this Sunday and I have had to gird my loins, so to speak, at all the unsolicited "Happy Mothers Day" wishes people send my way. They obviously don't know me very well but the assumption is that as an African woman in my mid-thirties I should have had a litter of babies by now .. couple that with my child-bearing hips and someone else's child always seeming to be clutching at me, then perhaps the majority of "wishers" can be excused for their misconception.

Now, in the past I smiled politely and briefly explained that "thank you, but no I don't have any children". Now this year I have decided to don my most facetious smile and say "Thank You".

Why?

Everyday I wipe noses, clean bottoms, scold, watch, feed, teach and entertain a whole motley crew of kids and I have earned my "Happy Mothers Day" because quite frankly I mother. My body and legal person might not share the attachment but I am damn great at this job. So "Happy Mothers Day" to all the SA moms and hope you're treated to some rest and spoilt rotten.

[twoboredmoms]

She Did That !

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Allow this birthday girl mom to get philosophical for a second.  It's my birthday. .. Please indulge me!

We spend so much time and reflection focusing on things we've lost, people we've had taken from us by death and disease, the way things used to be and what our lives were like before that I think we completely lose sight of what we now have, the opportunities to start again, to try again, to live differently, to really smell, touch, taste and experience every moment for what it is, love every person for who they are and what they bring, what they offer. I have decided to live my life as a series of lessons not tests or tribulations. Every single person I have ever met has taught me something about myself, whether they meant to do this or not. The people who were unkind to me or did rotten things to me have taught me to recognise the signs should anyone ever try to misrepresent themselves to me again. I am a lot more wary and cautious now and I thank the baddies for that. I remind myself daily not to apportion blame, i have turned 'you make me feel ...' into 'you treated me xxx and in turn I made myself feel ....' Silly as it may seem, there's a sense of empowerment in that for me. I have realised that just like the law allows, I too should allow a statute of limitations on old pain, anger and resentment.  It's so much easier when you don't give others or issues too much power over you.

I have been 33 years old for about 24 hours and my mission this year is to drop the baggage.

This age is about a clear mind, healthy thoughts and less words more action. Feeling. Living. Breathing. Loving. Planning. Thinking. Doing! Happy Birthday to me!

[twoboredmoms]

Are you joking….

  After watching this year’s Golden Globe awards and taking in all the commentary I have to ask where we draw the line.

Of course a lot of public and fashion police commentary bordered on fat shaming because as we all know that in a world of mass murderers, rapists and pedophiles… fat, really is the worst thing anybody can be…

I was reading the comments and laughing along until I suddenly came across comments aimed at three heavily pregnant actresses.

  Now, Now people…

  Have we sunken this low?

  As someone who is not only plus-sized for lack of a better description, but also as somebody who chose to wed while pregnant, there is only so much you can do to disguise a bump.

  But this then leads to my next question, why should  anyone want to or have to hide their baby bump?

Do we find it unpleasant to look at? Offensive?

What is this culture of being pregnant but wanting to appear anything but pregnant?

I just don’t get it.

So to the critics of the "too pregnant" to look good actresses I say, no amount of material exists to make a dress large enough to obscure these baby bumps you seem to find so offensive.These ladies are pregnant, not competing  for a tiara, your comments about their sizes are inane and insensitive.

  Anyway  this is Hollywood, they will all be back to an inoffensive size  zero before you can say celery stalk!

[twoboredmoms]

The worst red carpet in a while!

Lady Victoria Harvey, 1st of, there was nothing Ladylike about her barely there ensemble which would have looked great on a stripper somewhere in the Bronx, end of!

  Julia Roberts looked like she had moved on up from being a stripper to a waitress.

Zoe Saldana looks like Cinderella, putting rags together like that? Girl get your life!

Kaley Cuoco just got married but that dress looks like she's been barefoot & in the kitchen for decades!

Jennifer Lawrence & her diaper dress! I. CAN'T. DEAL!

Emma Watson that hoodrat outfit is a no no. No boo, you're not about that life!

Heidi Klum Seal would have never let you walk out the door looking like that, but the help did. That's all I gotta say about that.

Zooey Deschanel is so ditzy it comes out in her outfits.

Sandra Bullock if she'd worn that outfit before she adopted Louis, they would never have given her that child.

Paula Patton looked like she was about to take flight in that ugly ass dress. 

Usher that maroon suit & brooch you do know that you're not Sugar Ray Leonard in real life you're only acting as him, right?

Gabourey Sidibe you is ratchet in that shower curtain.

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Hi Adele, You don’t know me but I heard that your pregnant and about to pop really soon. Congratulations. We have so much in common. Well, I know that your career is based on your unique life experiences like when you were deliriously in love and you made that up-beat, happy dance music album of yours. Then three years later he had ripped your heart out, chucked it on the floor, urinated on it, then danced a little jig, right on top of it before you picked it up, dusted it off and shoved it back inside its cavity again, and found the courage to pen the award-winning album ‘21’ But I digress… Anyway, I am assuming your next album will be called 9 (months) and song after song will be dedicated to that lucky baby of yours? Here are some ideas of universal mom topics for songs on your next album: Why do the designers of baby clothes hate moms? We only have two hands, one to hold baby and one to clean and dress them with. What is up with the ridiculous buttons and rivets on baby clothes? They put them in the weirdest places, we can hardly get a grip, no father knows how to use them and this doesn’t make our lives any easier. We , our kids need to eat, get over it! Yes Adele, you will discover that even in the futuristic 2012, this is still a taboo topic and the earth moms still get stared at and made to feel awkward when all we want to do is feed and bond in peace. Will the judgment ever end? Diaper manufacturers are spiteful The brand I use comes in packs of 23. What is that? Hardly a dozen, just short of two dozen. My baby uses five diapers a day, that means that if I fail to plan ahead the fifth day always has an awkward-last-diaper-run-to-the-store-in-a-panic moment for me. That means that even if my baby used one diaper a day the number of diapers in a pack wouldn’t cover a one month supply. Whose idea was this? This is annoying. Toys are noisy and strike when you least expect it My baby has been bonding heavily with his 1-2-3 Talkin’ Bear, cute…. Only problem is, the bear doesn’t switch off automatically and I fall for its dormant trick at least twice daily. Picture the scenario, a 30 – 45 minute long wrestle, tug and hug maneuver to get my angel to sleep and then he goes down, never without a fight only to be woken minutes into his sleep when I (a) attempt to move said bear out of the way so my baby can sleep or (b) when my foot unwittingly connects with said bear as I tip toe out of the room. Am I to assume that friends who buy your kids toys that make a noise are not your friends? Adult conversation becomes hard Right now I get the glazed over expression when I get into any conversation that doesn’t include Dora the Explorer or the phonetic pronunciation involved in trying to coax out that first word. If you can settle for me trying to make you laugh or at least smile when I make a sound or funny facial expression, we can be friends. 30 minutes in the park is the equivalent of a single person’s month long holiday in Mexico Trust me on this one…. Bonus if you get baby to sleep while you’re there because then you can sit in peace and quiet (temporarily) and snicker at the other moms chasing around after their unruly spawn. You will learn to appreciate these moment. So there you have it Adele, a head-start for the hits on your mommy album. Get cracking. Write now, before your baby gets here. Unlike the luxury of three years between your love album and your heart-break album, baby will consume your sleeping and waking hours to the point that you take fake toilet breaks just to get some ME TIME… Listen to my advice, Mommy Themes are universal, if you stick to the themes I’ve provided you’ll have another eight Grammy’s before baby can even say Mama!

[twoboredmoms]

Seperate Lives

I am writing my blog contribution early this week. I am writing this as I sit in a coffee shop. Well to be honest, today is one of those sunshiny winter days, so I am actually sitting outside the coffee shop. I am also drinking a large coffee and eating a pastry I am angry with myself because I don't have a newspaper or magazine, so now I am reading some online celebrity gossip.

I am taking deep breaths and enjoying my two hours of peace I have two hours of peace because just over an hour ago my 20-month-old son said 'Bye' to me, quite dismissively I might add, he then turned and joined his kindergarten mates in whatever little game they were playing

I took my cue and left, I will fetch him in an hour or so after he's had lunch there. After two whole years of having him either invitro or out, we finally have separate lives, how do I feel about this? I honestly can't say, for now I'm just enjoying the sun, my coffee and this darn pastry!

[twoboredmoms]

Sometimes it's okay to come second...

A few weeks ago while we were out walking my husband mentioned an idea to me, not for the first time but this time around he was more determined and convincing than before.

I vowed then to support him and see where this idea goes.

My husband's life has always centred around being of service, making others shine and basically being the 'behind the scenes' force.

True to his nature, he tried to convince me to become the face of his new venture. I declined. Not because I don't believe in him or his idea, but because I actually believe in him and this idea.

So there I was, the sole member of his Facebook group dedicated to his initiative, 'liking' and commenting on all his posts and comments for the first few days. Well it didn't take long for others to cotton on to his idea.

Here we stand three and a half months later, his group has a couple hundred members, he's been interviewed on at least three tv stations, eight radio programmes and numerous articles have been written about this concept he's founded.

Today, he made the cover of the most widely read and distributed daily newspaper in our country.

I feel the warmest gush of pride, because my husband is getting the long overdue acknowledgement and respect for his great idea whose time has come.

He seems prouder and more confident than I've seen him in ages and I am enjoying this adventure as an observer, his happiness is my own...

[twoboredmoms]

Birthday Party Shade

This time of the year is the busiest for me birthday partywise, I have 2 children in school so it naturally comes with the territory. For the past month I have been going to birthday parties every weekend, it is exhausting. I have to make small talk with other parents & tend to my kids, as well being a m3 (mother of three) & all.

  A few weeks ago I went to daughter number 1's friend's birthday party. This party was well organized, catered & had the trappings of a party planner. The mother whose child was having the party insisted she had organized everything herself but we all knew better than that. She went on to tell us she had made the cake herself, well looking at that cake I could believe she had made it herself, road kill anyone? Anyway the party was going well slip & slides, hamster balls & the works until she triiiied it!

  She, being the host I will quote what she said " I saw you have 2 car seats in your car & 3 children, there's a place where you can give a donation & they will give you a car seat for free" HOLD UP! H-O-L-D U-P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was this heifer ( yes from host to heifer in a matter of seconds) insinuating that I can't afford to buy my daughter a car seat? Is it because I is black I should get charity? What is your nosy ass doing looking into my car anyway? I smiled coyly & nodded because I was not about to get all gangster in front of my kids. But it was NOT OVER biaaatch! The next time I saw the heifer dropping her kids off at school I looked into her car a noticed that she didn't have car seats for her 2 daughters! Her youngest daughter is in my eldest daughter's class & she's the only one of my kids not in a car seat. So it's ok for her not to have a car seat for her daughter who is the same age as mine, but she has to name & shame me in front of everybody at a party? Before people start throwing shade the thrower must know who the throwee is, this time she picked the wrong throwee. In the words of Kenya Moore " Don't come for me unless I send for you." It's still not over! 

[twoboredmoms]

New Look....Hairdresser Feud

I decided to go for a different look, first on my list was to cut my hair & I was going to add a bit of colour. My plan was to go to my usual hairdresser, well not really usual but my new found professional hairdresser. This new hairdresser charges double what I usually pay.  I guess it has to do with location, location. My old hairdresser is in the ghetto & the new one in the upper East side, so I understand they have to keep those lights on. Well, I automatically assumed, because he charges more he knows his strands.

   I went in to see my new hairdresser & asked him about my new venture i.e cutting & highlighting my hair.  He then went on a tangent about how they only use peroxide to colour & how its dangerous for black hair! Excuse me?? I am putting my life at risk here & you telling me about peroxide? Surely there should be an alternative & as an upmarket hairdresser should you be recommending "the dangerous for black hair stuff?"  Pero....... What? Cathedral bells rang in my head after speaking to my hairdresser, I got the feeling he wasn't quite sure about his trade but I decide to stick with him anyway. 

  A week later I decided to walk in get my trim & colour, it so happens my usual hairdresser was off, so I was assigned to someone else.  This new guy has to be the cool cat of hairdressers, first he did a hair test & all, everything else  my usual hairdresser doesn't do. Turns out this hairdresser has been checking me out every time I come in to get my hair done. He started telling me how my hair is thinning out coz my hairdresser uses too much relaxer in my hair etc.  He went on about everything my usual hairdresser does & I was getting more aggravated every time he spoke. Before he'd even put scissors to hair my mind was made up this was going to be my new hairdresser.

Thing is, these 2 hairdressers work in the same salon, I personally do not like conflict & will not be able to handle the daggers coming from my usual hairdresser. What if it turns out that my new found hairdresser isn't as good as he sounds then what do I do? Defect again? I am at the point of changing salons completely!