pov you've been bed-rotting for a few weeks and decide to open a window, but it just makes you feel a bit worse? Not worse, but like you've failed yourself for not immediately feeling better... so you close the window, and stare out for a minute, as long as you can stand to...
Yeah the ceiling looks nice from this side of the floor
It looks clean, so clean and white you could almost ignore
All the waste of my time looking sky-high and never forward
Let me change the lights, maybe green and bright, so it’s almost like
I’m outdoors
Mmm, outdoors
With the bugs that crawl on me
And the leaves that start tickling (waving)
And the spiderwebs I can’t see but can feel all on me
Mmm the outdoors
The outdoors
How could you take the whole outdoors with you?
How could you?
Take the whole outdoors with you
But it’s fine ‘cause these wall are so straight and so even every time
And they’re sturdy and I’ve heard and they hold up real nice
There’s nothing beyond them, I don’t think so
There is nothing within them, I don’t think
But the outdoors
The outdoors
Where it’s warm, and it’s dirty
But it’s where I wanna be
Out with you, out with me
The outdoors
The outdoors
I wanna take to the outdoors with you
You didn’t take the outdoors, ‘cause how could you?
Just imagine you were happy and had everything and it still wouldn't be enough... It's kinda comforting, in a way that no matter what I can't do anything about this discontentment.
Trees too high to climb
Apples too sweet to bite
A freedom too vast to find
Rivers too wide
Dappled skies
A softness that collides
Hope that rewinds time
An outfit for the sun
Glittering, shimmering, sparkling like the sun
Over cool clean waters
Swaying onto beaten sands
Softly amended
Soft in your hands
I want more
I want more
I want more
Its getting harder to pretend
That it’s easy to forget
That I’d ever forgive
Out of anything other than fear
It’s getting harder to pretend
That I know how this ends
And I know what they’re doing
The things that I do
Nothing stops until it does
And I’m learning what it was
Pinpointing what I want
But always in a past tense
I’m starting to disassociate
Something puts me on pause
I wish I could say what it was
But the words just…
It’s getting harder to turn it off
I know who I’ll become
Dammit I hate it so much
It will consume me
It’s hard to be big
I would never say it was easy
Being that kid
But it’s harder
I know better
It was never meant to be
Something as simple as life could be
For me
But it’s getting harder
I'm sorry I I'm keeping you awake
I know you need a break
I'm sorry that I'm so loud
I'll try my best to keep it down
I'm sorry that I'm still here
I know I said I'd leave last year
I'm sorry that I can't find someone that loves me like you
Nobody loves me like you
Nobody cares, it's true
I'm sorry you do
Know that I'm sorry
I know you wanted to go
You said this don't feel like home
I don't know what I'm missing
I just know I'll miss you
Sorry that you love me
I'm sorry, that's a lie
I'm sorry, but I tried
I tried
If it means anything I'll stay quiet
I'll love you silent
Just not as good as you
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you
I just wanted to thank you
I needed yo see you
You're hard to quit
You smell so sweet
And you love me
And I'm sorry
And I'm sorry
places that have seen too much of what i am.
and i’m made far too bright and far too small
to be capable of having my own say.
and that is something i can’t stand,
so it’s me,
it’s me,
that i try to take away.
Months ago, 2/23 I reblogged this post into my drafts. It's such an evocative and simply effective piece of writing and my breath was taken by it's last line...
"it's me,
that i try to take away"
I truly hope you don't mind, I went and recorded a song that I made 100% inspired by this post! I felt it too deep not to
and all of a sudden, I see
lights
on me
know that I'm in places I'm afraid to be
And all of a sudden I see lights
Lights, on me
Lights on me
In all the places I don't wanna be
Not tonight
Not this time
You, you asked me why?
You asked me, you asked me
You are the reason why
I am too big to hide
There are lights on me now
All my days are bright
I cannot be me
Larger than life
You deserve to see the night
It's beautiful, it's makes me sigh
I love you, and that is why
It's me that I take away
It's me,
that I try to take away
Savor the flavor of privilege on your tongue
maybe it'll wash away all their blood
Doesn't feel good to know that you are the villain, does it?
So maybe you should grab a pen and rewrite the comic?
Yes, you could try to out-scream their cries
but, why would you bother when you could just press mute?
So, what should you do but ignore what you can?
You can't change that they killed, the ones who've made all your plans.
You can't help, though you want to
You can't help but you choose
to be silent
to forget
to push away
and I can hear it now,
I can hear it now
aren't you
the same?
If I were to lose you
Oh if I were to lose you
It'd be all my fault
I wouldn't say a word
to get you to stop
if you'd never return
if I were to lose you
I I were to lose you
If I said goodbye
Know that I never meant it
know that I second guessed it
and that I will regret it
for the rest of my life
if I were to lose you tonight
tonight, Tonight you love me, tonight you do
At least, you say so
So Tonight I'll sleep well
for tonight I have you
but if tomorrow I were to lose you
I'll never say goodbye
I'll never let anyone take your plave
It's our place
It's our house
It's our heart beating in me
If you were to leave, it would cease
If you have any suggestions on covers I should do, lemme know!!! I feel like doing these covers is like the only reason my singing has improved.. if you don't believe me feel free to check my early stuff out, but don't say I didn't warn you.. it gets rough lol
I probably should stay home, I never even pick up my phone
If I can't wake up will they let me stay home
It's raining tonight, you can tell when you look up at the sky
I have lost the right, or the time
I gotta go to work. I have to earn every little thing inside and out
I got to go to work so I can go home and look at all the things I own
I wanna sit outside for a minute before I go
And admire the clouds and feel
so small below
this is just a rough draft, I still hope you give it a chance :-j I've thought a lot about death recently, as i'm sure we all have...
Lyrics:
Your bones, sun bleached
Alone out of reach
Churned dirt, fresh sown grass
Unearned praises, roses at last
At last, to last
Give me some hope on wishing bone
Give me a single candle to blow
Give me some hope like the first breaking light
To pierce the blankness on the dark night
Give me a dull hope, of the unknown
Give me some hope, give me some hope
Dead things, chased by rats
Unfinished work, incomplete ends
All the deeds, passed on
Distant memories, “you remind me of someone”
All that once belonged
Is now passing on
Give me an afterlife
Promise me one more time
Give me an answer
Say it’s you in a shiver
Give me a pastor
Let me hear you in the choir
Give me a ray of sun
Give me a rapture
Give me some hope
Burn and glow
All of the graves, that we make
Into crosses, into gods
What you live to love
What you die to see
What you want more badly than anything
I’ll bleed into the ground
In a ritual of how
To bring you back
To bring you back
If I cry, into the dirt
If it is this dirt, if it is here
Will you hear it? Or not
a gray maroon like a fading bruise
a yellow leeching stain from pressing in the pain
a swift kick to the ribs reaching in to rip
love like a drizzling rain upon burning hands
washing the world away on gray sand
Your stagnant water let the bitterness fester
i meddle and pester until you move
replace your voice in my head for something softer instead
replace your voice in your own with mine
i feel something sharp carve into my heart
my bones ache and snap sometimes
i need something gentle, something supplemental
and he holds me like he's done this before
squeezes tight like his arms have been missing my warmth
he's got longing
and i've got presence
he's got hope and
i've got a steadiness to me
i've got a gray bruise and he's got shoes that match the print
but I don't think second thoughts of it
my heart was on fire, my blood couldn't put it out
your love came like a soft rain washing my world away
washing my world with gray...
with gray...
with gray.
You smell like clove and amber
Your eyes always wander
And your smile never falters
I don’t get you
And I taste like whisky
When you claim to want me
I know it’s a second-hand high
I get to have you
So I don’t care how it has to happen
If I want you, that’s enough, that’s enough
If you’ll have me, that’s enough… that’s enough
You can take me, it’s enough
Oh, please… ‘till you’ve had enough
If you don’t see me, I couldn’t be seen
If you don’t believe me, then
What was I doing?
You say you want me
You say you don’t get me
You say I’m a mystery
But any way I can have you, I’ll take you, apart
Everywhere, I’ll want you, I’ll drag you somewhere far
You smell like amber and clove
You… smell like home
I'm choosing to repost May as the actual month gets closer. I keep remaking it, I just never feel satisfied, I feel like I could write it better, make some of these lines clearer, but idkkkkk....
You don't care much for revivals
You don't care much for the sequels
And I swear that I get it
Because they're rarely any good
You don't care much to see it end
You don't need to see it all
And you say you could guess
And you're rarely wrong
But I can't let it go
There's so much to do
And it's so beautiful now
What if it grew
How tall could it get?
I'll never know
And I won't go until it ends
You say you don't wanna be with me
You say we feel wrong
How do we feel wrong?
You always end up here
Cradled in my arms, so safe in my arms
I know nothing else but your warmth
'Cause I'm always hangin' on
When you first left it hurt
I was still for so long
I still flinch at the doors
If you've come, or if you've gone
You say you think we could work
But first you have to learn
And I think that I get it, I do
But I want this door to close
You don't care much for rebirths
You don' care much for returns
So the end should be the end
I can't rest, I can't rest.
will be our year" I say every year.... literally. I've sung this song every year for the past three years, always around the same time of year... I always want so badly for it to be true. Here's to another year of hoping!!!