warning for endgame spoilers // read on ao3
For once in his enhanced life, Peter thought everything was too quiet. There were no hushed whispers, no wind to rustle the trees, no songs for birds to sing. It seemed that the world had settled into silent grief for Tony Stark.
Peter stared blankly in front of him, wishing he could cry, wishing he could do anything but think about what had happened. May wrapped her arm around Peter’s shoulders.
“I’m going to go start the car, okay?” she murmured. May brushed back a stray curl and pressed a kiss against Peter’s temple. “You take as long as you need. I’ll be right outside.”
He nodded slightly. That was all he could do. May’s heels tapped against the hardwood floor and then the room was silent again, the gentle hum of May’s running car a lifeline.
Peter closed his eyes, not bearing to see the evidence of Tony that lived in that house. He wished that he had a chance to properly reunite with him, not a desperate hug before they had to save the world. Strange had given him bare details on what was happening before opening the portal that served Peter nothing but confusion. All he could hope was that Tony would be there, that Tony would be okay. That everything would be okay.
Everything was far from okay.
Pepper came down the stairs then, having made sure Morgan was asleep for a nap. Peter opened his eyes, his chest aching as he watched Pepper wipe her eyes of tears. Then she noticed the remaining guest on the couch. “Hi, Peter,” she said gently, “I-I thought everyone left.”
“Sorry, Mrs. Potts.” His voice was too hoarse for his tastes, too thick with sadness. “I’ll go.”
Peter stood off the couch and Pepper placed a hand on his arm to ease him back onto the plush fabric. “Stay. I, um, I have something I need to show you.” She fiddled with something in her shaking hands.
“Tony made that hologram for everyone to watch when he was trying to get all the people who had dusted back.” Peter watched a tear-stained Pepper curiously. “He made some individual ones too. He-He made one for me, for Morgan, but, um, there’s one for you too.”
Peter’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”
“He cared about you, Peter. He kept a picture of you two up on the shelf. You’re the reason he even wanted to try this time travel theory.” Pepper grabbed the framed picture and brought it to Peter. He held it as if it would break in his hands and traced the figures in the picture absentmindedly, their smiling faces and the Stark Industries internship certificate. He remembered that day so clearly but had never noticed the certificate he was holding was upside down. Peter smiled, blinking past fresh tears.
“Mommy?” Morgan was at the bottom of the stairs. Peter couldn’t help but notice just how much she looked like Tony.
“Let me get her back to sleep.” Pepper handed Peter what almost looked like a remote. “Just press this button, okay? Whenever you’re ready.”
Peter wasn’t ready, wasn’t sure how to even be ready for something like this. His hearing picked up on what Morgan was saying back in her room.
“Was that my brother?” she asked, her voice so painstakingly young.
Peter looked down at the picture again, their silly bunny ears a simpler time. He pressed the button then with a shaky breath and, like before, Tony appeared in front of him.
“Hey, Pete.” Peter lost all that he was holding in. The surprise at seeing Tony there in front of him, even if it was just a hologram, brought a fresh wave of guilt and grief. “I gotta say, I don’t really know what all to tell you. That’s a first.
"I knew that if I was going to make Morgan one of these, I had to make you one too, even if there was a chance you wouldn’t be able to see it. Well, ideally, you’re not seeing it because I’d be there to tell you these things. Things don’t always work out though, do they?” Hologram Tony shook his head and sighed. He seemed to look up at Peter directly. “Seeing you on the side of the ship, trying to save the wizard… God, kid, I had never felt that kind of fear. The thought of losing you was a nightmare I did not want to see play out.
"And then it did. On Titan.” Tony was silent for a moment, wiping his eyes and looking away. He gave a wet laugh. “I taught Nebula the game you showed me.” He flicked his fingers like he would as if he were playing. “She’s about as bad at it as I am.”
Peter’s heart warmed as he cried. They’d play that game, late in the lab when they needed a break. He didn’t realize how much those moments mattered to Tony.
“I miss you too,” Peter whispered, even if he knew Tony couldn’t hear him.
“If you were here, I’d introduce you to your sister.” Tears painted both of their faces. “You may not my biological kid, Peter, but you’re a son to me all the same. I wish I could’ve saved you on Titan. Five years is… it’s too long.
"But if you are watching this, don’t feel bad. I’m still on your side, you still have me.” Tony finally looked at Peter again. “The lab is all yours. I can’t have you trying to fix your suit with dumpster scraps.”
Peter wasn’t sure how he could step foot in the lab after this. How he could see DUM-E without breaking down, see the paper haphazardly strewn on tables and face the memories the lab held. He wasn’t sure how he could see the lab without Tony.
“Well, part of the journey is the end, right? Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and when you go to college—because you’re going to college or I’m going to haunt you, big time—I think you’ll find the money I squared away enough for anywhere you want. I hear Massachusetts has a great college; maybe you’ve heard of it?”
Peter smiled, salty tears on his lips. “So, so great.”
“I love you, kid. So much. Nothing will ever change that. Dead or alive, I’ll never regret you swinging into my life.”
The hologram flickered out and Peter sobbed. Pepper, who had been watching from the bottom of the stairs after she got Morgan to sleep, sat next to Peter on the couch. “Come here,” she said softly, hugging Peter tight. She let him cry into her shoulder as she ran her hands through Peter’s curls.
Neither moved for a few minutes. Peter eventually broke from the hug, sniffling. “I-I should get going. May is, um, waiting outside so I should… Here.” Peter held out the framed picture for Pepper to take back but she pushed it back into Peter’s hands.
Peter nodded after a moment. He made his way to the door but stopped just short of it. He turned around. “If you, uh, ever need anything or if-if you need someone to watch Morgan, you have my number.”
“You’re welcome over any time, Peter. Day or night.”
He glanced at Pepper over his shoulder and showed a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
He slid into the passenger side door of May’s dented car and she drove wordlessly back to the apartment. Peter never took his eyes off of the picture.
A week later, when he put the Spider-Man suit back on, he was greeted with another tsunami of grief.
Karen’s smooth voice was gone. In its place—
I’m still on your side, you still have me.
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