Txastìang

Awnga lu Sarentu Na'vi(yä) ayvurit peng Layro, txur, txopuluke Lante ka kifkey Var awnga yivora' Nìt'iluke emrayey

[txastiang]

Introduction:

Kxì!/Hello.

This blog will specifically be for my Na’vi alter-human experience. These posts I will make will be long formal essays on my experiences and such; and will be uncensored as well. Go on your way if you are uncomfortable with that.

As for me and myself; I have a straw page I will link right here:

If you want my more aggressive and odd opinions and such I’d suggest looking at my Main blog @hollowfearg

I am mated, don’t try it.

My tags include:

#Teso- All of my art will be under the Na’vi word for “Art”

#- Zerok- All of my memories will be under the Na’vi word “Remember”

#-Vurway- I will post Na’vi related poetry “Vurway” is the Na’vi word for story poem..

#- Vur- Vur means story. This is where my lengthy posts will go. 

I am making this blog/intro because I want to connect with Na’vi kin and avatar kin in general. However i want serious and genuine conversation. I’m not asking for too serious, a joke is fine! But, I want good long essays too.

[naviwithsomesavi]

I did some doodling today

There’s. Others from today too but I’m too lazy to add

[txastiang]

I found you againnnn

Who are you?

[txastiang]

Ma way:

Ikran- Ma way. 

My na’vi identity is, as mentioned before, odd. I mentioned my connection to my ikran… very very briefly. However, now, I wish to talk about it in this post.

Brief warning- This topic is hard for me, as I miss my ikran alot. A lot of this is emotional and pure emotion. Take that as a warning

A bit of some prior information for those who are unaware of the Avatar lore.

Ikran are giant draconic creatures that na’vi ride. A bond between a na’vi and a ikran is sacred. Ikran’s and na’vi hunt, exist, and are basically one and the same. The bond is incredibly strong and very spiritual, going so far as ikran, if paired with a na’vi they only pair with one na’vi. (Na’vi can pair with multiple ikrans if their ikran dies, however it is an immense grief.)

My memory of taming Way, or my Ikran is fairly fuzzy. I remember fighting her greatly, and getting knocked off a few times, but I remember that first fly. Oh it was freeing. The wind whipped past us, we almost hit a few rocks, but once i got the hang of it, it was second nature. I could feel every breath we took, every need and want from Way, every need and want from myself. I could see things Way couldn't, way could see things i couldn't. We flew for literal hours, my na’vi mom found me and we flew around. I will literally never forget that. It was so, oh so cool. I remember that night, being able to fly to the sarentu moot. I remember sitting at the fire, watching the entire moot marvel at my ikran, and sharing stories. I remember how it smelt. Smoke and incense, the laughter, the stories. It was one of the last moot’s that the sarentu had. I remember not being able to sleep, i was so excited about having a ikran. 

I see myself as Way as i do see myself as a Na’vi. The connection is so strong that, its a deep feeling of “I am both”. I said i didnt get ikran shifts, and then i apparently lied. I've had many ikran mental shifts, but they always felt.. Hallow, like I was missing someone. I felt incomplete. 

I remember very specifically one na’vi shift i had. It was a thunder storm and i was in the woods, no shoes on, a long dress, i remember running around, hooping and hollering, being myself. I climbed trees and i whistled for my ikran, and it shot me out of my shift and i sat on the floor and i sobbed. I am empty.

I dont know how to progress with this, if you have questions. PLEASE ASK THEM. 

[txastiang]

When I first watched the Avatar movie, I think I was.. Maybe 8. I remember sitting down, and immediately getting enthralled with it. That movie stuck with me, painfully actually. And it wasn't about the plot (which is good!), it was the na’vi people. A very very strong connection formed between them and I. It's not a general hyperfixation either. It's incredibly hard to explain but for the first time since identifying as a moth, an identity has felt so genuinely right, it's painful. It's a proud, rejoicing feeling! One that I feel like many don't understand, or care for. My identity at the moment is a feat of uncertainty, but this? Sits on my chest like a weight of who i am, what i am, what im meant for, what im supposed to do. It is in my breath that scrapes my lungs, I am, na’vi. I think what lead me to discovering this.. Or i guess finding the right terms for identifying as it was Tumblr. and just general alterhuman spaces. It’s how i found most of my identities, or how to go about them.

Even before watching the movie, I have always felt alien. It has always been an apparent thing that.. I am different. Oftentimes I remember, I've wondered why I have extra fingers, toes, I'll catch myself even as I'm older, playing and looking at my misshapen hands, why I have extra parts, and why I'm missing parts as well. I've always wondered that actually. I thought at first maybe it was because I was literally raised by dogs, and that maybe I was wondering why I didn't look like my parents. Sometimes I still do. I think part of that is also a general therianopathy thing but I'm adding it here because it connects.

I’ve also almost always had na’vi shifts. Ever since I can remember i have had shifts related to the na’vi. Na’vi tails that would whip around when i ran in the playgrounds. Queue’s that would make me feel confused. Hissing and making feline noises, but not feline enough, id spend my time weaving baskets out of grass or playing with a spider web, because to me, to weave, craft, and exist like that is a painfully deep innate thing. The traits na’vi have are ones i express daily. I often over exaggerate my expressions, especially my facial expressions because its something that comes so naturally to me. I mimic na’vi as well. Take Neytiri for example, when i laugh, it is similar. When i cry, it is a mimicry. I express my face like a na’vi, and my body language often mimicks it as well. The way i walk, the way i type. I mimic who i was and who i am, And i think that, that applies to most therians. But what makes it different is that, ive spent alot of time studying na’vi and their functions, it is lined up so perfectly it’s scary.

Awhile back i identified as a na’vi, i didn't say much about it really, or add any posts. To be frank i wish i did! I wish i had talked more about my experience because now it looks like this identity has came out of nowhere! In all actuality this identity has been here for.. Ages. I think i started identifying myself as a na’vi when i first watched the movie, but i didnt have a word or the correct terms to describe it either. This identity of mine is so connected, it could be compared to how i identify as a moth or canine. Its also to me, isn't a fiction kin thing.(although sitting it in the fiction kin area) Its a otherkin identity, and to be frank it borders on both but that’s a story for another day. Its both a spiritual connection and psychological, so yes a past life.

In some of my memories, it does connect to the story. Since i was apart of the Omatikaya people, i do remember what the RDA has done, and watching it happen again on the screen, i ugly sob every time, its watching trauma hit again and again basically. Very, very painful. Anytime i see anything related to them, it feels. Off. Actually, to add onto that. With Varang, and her hatred for Eywa and everything. I hate her entire tribe and her. She disrupts the balance, and i guess its just me being me, but i hate her for it. I hate how she works with the Sky people. (Humans) I think me being na’vi also plays into my Misanthropy, since its a connected thing. Speaking of Eywa.. Similarly painful is being on pandora without Eywa. With how deeply connected the na’vi are with her, being without her feels.. Empty. Like i am missing something incredibly important. Similarly without my queue i feel like i don't have a good enough connection to earth, or anywhere. I'm constantly feeling out of place. Especially with my appearance.

My eyes arent large enough and i have too many toes and fingers. Sometimes I've caught myself wanting to get rid of the extra ones. (in gruesome ways) I also hate clothes in a way, as their so overstimulating and also, it isnt what id normally wear. On another topic of things. Na’vi are very connected to their ikran. To me my connection to my ikran, her name was Way (song) is… odd. I cant separate them. I dont get ikran related shifts, but it is as if my na’vi self and her are connected for forever. Its a unbreakable bond that makes me wonder, as i also have her memories too. Which is on par with the lore of avatar. This post is really long now and ive spent alot of time writing it. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them. I will answer them in time. Thank you for reading!