I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a sub, a fag, a boy, a slave, in relation to a Dom, Alpha, Sir, Master. What is Dominance/submission? How is it defined? I recently started mentoring a young sub, and this is something I need to help him understand.
The Axioms of Dominance/submission
There are some essential truisms at the heart of Dominance/submission, lets call them Axioms of Dominance/submission:
1. The pleasure of the Dom is paramount
2. The Dom is in control of his pleasure
What equipment he uses to control the sub (i.e. bondage)
3. The subs purpose is the pleasure of the Dom
The subs focus is always on the Doms pleasure, never his own
The sub only feels pleasure through the pleasure of the Dom
The sub may endure physical and mental pain and discomfort giving pleasure to the Dom
The Equivelance Principle of Dominance/submission
Dominance/submission work as a single indivisible whole. Dominance can only exist with submission, and submission can only exist with Dominance.
The Dom is Superior, the sub inferior
The Dom is controlling, the sub is controlled
The Dom is penetrating, the sub is penetrated
The Dom gives, the sub receives
The Dom whips, the sub takes the pain
In hierarchical terms the Dom is above the sub, but there is a fundamental Equivalence Principle of Dominance/submission. One that states that Dominance and submission are regarded equally in the indivisible whole. Both Dominance and submission are equally valued, respected, and commended.
There must be balance between the Dominance and submission. The level of Dominance must be balanced by the level of submission otherwise the D/s relationship will not work. And the sub should never feel shame in submission, even when humiliated and degraded by the Dom. The Dom respects, values, and commends the sub for what he is, as much as the sub respects, values, and commends the Dom.
Although the Dom is limitless in his pursuit of pleasure and his control of how he gets it (subject to the law and his personal situation). The sub often has limits to how he serves his Dom. These limits can be social and/or service based.
The sub is only human, he must prioritise his submission to the Dom alongside earning money, relationships outside D/s, spousal relationships, hobbies/sports, parents, etc. These are social limits. Many of these will take priority over service to the Dom at some time or another. The sub must work to be creative in freeing up time for serving his Dom.
The sub also has service limits. Things the sub will not do in the service of his Dom. A subs limits are based on fear, disgust, or self-preservation. The Dom has a right to push those limits in the pursuit of his pleasure, and the sub must accept that to be good. A good Dom will respect these limits, and gently and carefully push them, but never disregard them. And always seek feedback from his sub.
The Doms demands for pleasure must be balanced with the subs ability to service them. It is a balance that both Dom and sub me work to achieve.
Trust between the Dom and sub is possibly the most important component of Dominance/submission. The trust flows both ways and must always be balanced.
Both Dom and sub must be open and honest with each other in order to grow and improve, thus maximising the pleasure and satisfaction achieved. The Dom must give honest feedback to the sub regarding the subs service. The sub must be honest about how he is feeling with respect to his service of the Dom.
The sub must trust the Dom to respect his limits, and to push those limits appropriately, in order to help the sub develop in his submission.
The Dom must trust the sub to work for his pleasure, well-being, and happiness, and never harm the Dom in any way.
Both Dom and sub should agree to NEVER lie to tell half-truths to the other! The loss of trust inevitably will end a D/s relationship.
The Art of Submission: Tenets and Virtues
Submission is an art. One that a sub works throughout his life to master. The Dom helps train the sub by controlling the sub to gain maximum pleasure from himself. It is the duty of the sub to learn from the Dom, his sub mentors, and life in general in order to master the art of submission. As much as it is the duty of the Dom to master the art of Dominance. The sub must work to improve his skills and abilities, experiment and improve his techniques, allow his limits to be slowly pushed, learn to serve in new and creative ways, and become the eye candy that maximizes the Doms desire. The sub must judge the responses of the Dom and correct himself accordingly to constantly improve.
The art of submission has 3 tenets, each with virtues. These are the dimensions that the sub strives to perfect.
1. Submitting to Dominance
Submitting to Service - Obedience to the Dom, sexual service, domestic service, and all service in its various forms
Submitting to Pain - Submitting to the pain of the Dom in all its various forms.
Submitting to Humiliation - Submitting to humiliation and degradation inflicted by the Dom in all its various forms.
Submitting to Bondage - Submitting to physical restraint and controls, bondage in all its various forms.
2. Conditioning for Submission
Fitness - Keeping the body fit, keeping the body supple, and maintaining good mental health enables the sub to better serve the Dom, and look good doing it.
Grooming - Personal grooming, sexually attractive attire, and general style help the sub look his best for the Dom, maximizing the Doms pleasure.
Cleanliness - Personal hygiene and high cleanliness standards, both for play and in general, enable the sub to please the Dom without distraction or mishap.
Skill Development - Improving the skills, techniques, and abilities the sub needs to better serve the Dom (e.g. cock sucking, nipple play, etc).
Limit Extension - Extend and push limits of submission ever further to enable a more diverse service for the Dom.
Sub Spirit - By learning and understanding the philosophy of submission the sub grows his sub spirit such that he may better serve his Dom.
Each sub has my natural strengths and weaknesses in each of these 3 tenets and 10 virtues. A Dom has his own preferences and requirements for his sub. To achieve perfection The sub must master each virtue and hence master the art of submission.
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