Time for nobodies favorite part of my Sunday wind down 🗣️🗣️🗣️ weekend itinerary 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Friday I woke up in clean sheets and skedaddled to work where I finished my project for the week, was very very happy with how the final product came out. Unfortunately we might have to redo a job that was super big, stupid and time consuming to begin with. I wouldn't have been so bummed but this is a third one in quick succession. The first was our bad, the second was the client being FAR too picky, and now this. My boss is on our side this time but I did offer to come in on weekends to make the schedule work which he seemed to appreciate. After I went to the BEST new bakery in town and got a beautiful spicy Danish, sparkling lemonade and legitimately the best cookie I've ever had. I brought my friend two and got to moving. Got home, rested for an hour, and when I was about to go run errands, I found a little raccoon in my trash can. He seemed sluggish so I called animal control to come check, was scared he was dehydrated or sick. However while waiting my neighbor came down to also toss her trash and i had to explain the situation. She probably thinks I'm a freak, but we did peak at him in the bin and he seemed more alert, not even scared just curious. I debated just flipping the can so he could crawl out but was scared I was gonna agitate him more. Thankfully animal control came and it was a very beautiful butch woman who lifted him out in 5 seconds. Just in time for me to go get dramamine and walk to my friends house so we could all go ride roller coasters. It was so fun seeing everyone and I didn't even get sick this time, which has taken me out of it in the past. Screamed all of my feelings out of me. Incredible experience through and through, slept like I was dead when I got home.
Saturday I woke up, got dressed and went to the farmers market with my friend. This is my favorite activity we do now, it really does make me feel good about my spending/food consumption/and community. Me and my friend split a focaccia loaf, tomato basil spread, and goat cheese. I also got beautiful tomatoes, fresh basil, and some flowers. I need to make my favorite pasta this week. Treated ourselves to these delicious smoothie slushies but no doughnuts (this time.) Got home and pivoted to go help my friend with their project, brought them some flowers where they had also brought me some. Had fun talking and working. Thought we finished but need to correct a small mistake but overall it's VERY cute. Got home, got showered and dolled up, wore my favorite necklace and these heels I never bring out to meet my friend for girl dinner. Split a chilled seafood tray, fries and caesar salad on the water with one (huge) glass of prosecco. Felt truly truly blessed watching the sunset over the city with my friend and a girl I didn't know too well but I like her a lot. She's flirty and funny and cool. Watched in true honest awe as she was the life of the party at both locations, she hooked me up with a discount and a free desert with her charm so I got her food and a ride home as thanks. My friend is trying to convince me to fall in love with her business partner and while the prospect under the influence of alcohol didn't feel like dread (which it usually does) I still remain unconvinced. Being anything desired seems entirely unlikely at this point in my life. Framed in the bathroom mirror I wondered tipsily what someone who would want me would even see. I look just like my mom did at my age, just with stupider hair. There was that time on the beach in the dimming light that I was told by someone stranger that I was the most beautiful person in the world. I knew they were lying, I always do. But maybe in that light, with my hair full of salt, in the passing moment alone, maybe they believed it for a second. It doesn't matter now. The harsh fluoresces of a bathroom couldn't show me the truth anyways. We move on to our mutual friends going away party. I talked snacked laughed and moved my way through the party in a manner that really truly felt nice. As I said my goodbyes for the evening, bouncing between friends and acquaintances alike I felt connected I felt so good. However I couldn't sleep for the longest time, and when I woke up today I had been crying.
I stayed in bed for too long. I napped after that twice. I was paralyzed by feelings of LONG past hurt and shame. Something about failure. Something about degradation. Something about letting it happen. Pluto opposing the sun maybe, or just the way it goes. I was able to get some chores done; dishes were cleaned and the fridge was cleared out. I made my bed and laid back down. Only an hour ago I made myself walk my dramatic ass to the grocery store and it helped, it always helps. I saw wooly clouds lay dusty gray against pale blue skies. I looked at all the beautiful houses and the people on the porches. I saw a weirdly large squirrel, two cats, a robin who was oddly curious of me, bats flying low, lightning bugs, gardens flourishing, and FOUR rabbits. Including one whose soft fur looks just like my stupid stupid hair. I saw an elderly woman tending to her flowers who smiled and waved when she felt my stare. I got shy, but returned her sweetness. I'm going to shower and read my poetry book I think. A nice way to close out July I reckon.
amandla
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